


Island of Misfit Toys

by rosetintmyworld



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bullying too, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Just a big ball of triggers, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pedophilia, Rape, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, so many triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:51:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 66
Words: 68,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosetintmyworld/pseuds/rosetintmyworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of five lost boys struggling to fit in and gain back what they've lost. It's not easy when temptation is around every corner and no matter what, someone waits in the wings to tear them down. I wish i could say this is a story of redemption... but life isn't that easy when you're lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Niall

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger for rape. Be advised.

We were forsaken, force-fed immoral complacency until all we knew was the comfortable discomfort of claiming fingers in the dark and sadness that threatened to erode our whole being. We were trapped. But we were free. We thrived on the pain, self-inflicted or otherwise, and lived on deceit. We prowled the night, looking for lost love and finding it in the acidic taste of blood in our mouths and needles in our veins. Our homes were the shadows and our sustenance was sin. We were everything and nothing at any given moment. Where others withered, we survived. We were the broken hearts, and broken bodies. We came from broken homes and broken bones. We came from too loud screaming and the pounding of flesh against flesh. We were the sluts, pervs, freaks, fags and spazzes of the world. We were discarded and found a place where our jagged edges didn’t cut so much. We were the Island of Misfit toys.

  
Niall

  
I stumbled out of the house, the yelling getting too loud. I hated when they fought. I needed to take my mind off of it; I couldn’t stand hearing my father yell at my mother like that.  
Greg was so lucky he got to move out.  
I could hear music pumping from a house as people spilled out onto the front yard, red solo cups in hand. I could use a drink. I looked around before going into the house. It was a house party; I can bet half the people that were there weren’t even invited.  
Judging from the kid that was clutching a vase in the middle of the room, pushing people away, about three-fourths weren’t invited.  
I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a drink, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.  
And if they did, well, they could get over it.  
One drink turned into seven turned into twelve and I was seeing double. I stumbled out of the kitchen and upstairs.  
If I could just get away from all the noise, everyone was screaming and laughing and moaning; I’d be fine. I found an empty bedroom and closed the door softly behind me.  
It was a little girl’s room judging from the rainbow colored bedspread and the unicorn dreamlite.  
I laid down on the bed; it was so peaceful up here. I couldn’t hear the party downstairs. All I could feel was the thumping of the bass and it was slowly lulling me to sleep.  
“Hey there.” I looked up to see a guy standing at the door.  
“Sorry.” I said, wiping at my mouth discreetly.  
I was drooling.  
“Now, what’s a pretty princess like you doing up here when the party is in full swing?” He asked and I looked down.  
I had been cuddling the dreamlite.  
“I- uh” I began and he smirked down at me.  
“You’re blushing. Do you like being called pretty?” He asked and I backed up.  
He looked way older than me.  
“How old are you?” He asked and I shrugged.  
“Come on, I know you don’t go to University around here. How old are you?” He asked, climbing onto the bed with me.  
“Fourteen.” I whispered and he smirked.  
“You’re much too young to be at a party.” He leaned in close to me.  
“And you reek of alcohol. You shouldn’t be drinking. Anyone could come and take advantage of you.” He said, trailing his hand down the side of my face.  
“But here, I'll give you a deal, I won’t rat you out, if you do me a favor.” He whispered, pushing me back onto the bed.

I stumbled down the street, clutching my jacket to my chest. It was raining and I didn’t know where I was.  
I shouldn’t have snuck out to that party. I couldn’t go home now. My dad, he’d know. He’d know and I’d be kicked out. We were Roman-Catholic. We just didn’t allow this kind of thing. I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I tried to keep myself steady on wobbly legs. This wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay.  
It was my fault.  
I could feel the familiar churning of my stomach and I quickly rushed off the sidewalk to empty my stomach.  
I threw up until I couldn’t anymore. My throat was raw and every muscle in my body hurt. I wiped my mouth and stumbled back to the sidewalk.  
I could feel something wet slipping between my legs and I felt myself gag again.  
I wrapped my arms around me tighter as the street began to tilt. I felt myself weaving in and out of consciousness.  
I had to keep myself together until I could get somewhere safe.  
I began to drift off the sideway before tripping onto someone’s porch.  
I landed on the door and slid down it as I finally lost consciousness.


	2. Zayn

Zayn

                I heard a thump and I sat up on the lumpy bed, dislodging Liam from me. He groaned and sat up quickly.

“Why the hell did you just wake me up?” He asked and I looked around.

“I heard something.” I said and he sighed before digging into the little drawer beside of the bed. He fished out a knife and tossed his legs over the side of the bed before standing up. I got up with him, following him downstairs, the lighter in my pajama pockets itching. I reached in for reassurance and pulled it out, flicking it a couple of times before breathing deeply. I dropped the lighter back in my pocket and wrapped my arms around my thin frame.

We checked the front door to see that nobody was there. I sighed and turned around, before going to the back door.

“You locked the doors before we went to bed right?” Liam asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Yes I locked the doors.” I said back, trying to hide my exasperation.

 I went to the back door and yanked on it.

“See.” I said before stilling.

There was something bearing against the door. It was heavier than it should have been.

“Liam, there’s something on the door.” I said and he sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. He flicked his switchblade before opening the door.

A boy fell at my feet and I jumped back.

Well son of a bitch.

Liam grabbed him under the armpits and pulled him into the house.

“Be careful with him.” I said and he glared at me. I raised my arms in defense as he plopped the kid onto the couch.

I looked down at my bruised wrists and quickly tucked my arms around myself.

“Is he dead?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Just knocked unconscious.”  He said before pulling a chair up to the kid. I stood behind him, my hands shaking with nerves.

“Have a smoke babe; you’re shaking like a crackhead.” He said and I sighed before fishing out my pack of Marlboro’s. I lit one up shakily, watching the flame flicker intriguingly before taking a deep puff and letting the smoke fill my lungs.

“That’s so bad for you.” He whispered and I shrugged.

“Isn’t it though.” I said back, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

 

“What’s going on?” The boy asked as he stirred and I started on my third cigarette.

“You tell me. You were the one on our back porch.” Liam said and the boy blushed.

“I got a little drunk at a house party.” The boy said and Liam squinted.

“At a house party? How old are you kid?” He asked and the boy immediately blanched.

“How old are you?” He asked back defiantly and Liam pushed his hands through his hair.

He was losing his patience.

“Nineteen, kid how old are you?” Liam said his voice deadly and the boy’s face blanched.

“I’m fourteen.” He whispered and Liam shook his head.

“What’s your name?” I asked and the kid looked down at his feet.

“Niall Horan.” He whispered.

“Where is home for you?” I asked and he looked up at me, his eyes wide and full of panic. His color was not coming back to him.

“I- I can’t go back home. My parents will hate me. I can’t go back there.” He whispered frantically.

“Why can’t you go home? What happened?” I asked and Niall shook his head.

“I can’t say, I just can’t…” He whispered, tugging his knees to his chest and then instantly regretting it when he squeezed his eyes shut and hissed.

“Are you hurt?” I asked and he nodded.

“Come on, we’ll get you bathed and you can crash upstairs.” I said and he nodded before trying to stand up.  He collapsed and Liam hooked his hands under the boys knees with a swear before picking him up.

“No, stop!” Niall struggled softly, unable to expend enough energy.  Liam took the stairs quickly and I followed after him.

“Are you up for a bath Niall?” I asked and he shook his head. Liam dropped him on the bed and he immediately curled up on his side. I shot Liam a glare and he glared back.

I got up as the whimpering boy fell into a fitful sleep. I needed a cigarette bad.  
I closed the door behind me and Liam grabbed me by the forearms, pushing me into wall.

My breath was knocked out of me and he huffed a little.

“Sorry, I forgot how fragile you were.” He whispered and I closed my eyes, my head falling back against the wall.

“You need something?” He asked and I nodded. He reached into my pocket and pulled my lighter out. He pressed it against the bruises on my wrists and flicked it until I hissed in sweet release.

“That okay?” He questioned softly and I leaned my forehead heavily into his shoulder.

“Yes, thank you.” I whispered and he kissed the back of my head.

“Anything to help, love.” He whispered and I sighed.


	3. Liam

Liam

I shut the door behind me, letting it close with a sharp snap. I could hear Zayn still downstairs.

That was kind of sad.

I thrashed down the stairs and walked into the kitchen.

“Where’s Niall?” I asked and he nodded up.

“He’s upstairs. I think he’s doing homework.” Zayn said and I shook my head.

“Homework on the first day?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I see Louis’s here tonight.” I said and he nodded, gripping the broom.

“Yeah, he’s in his room.” He said.

“Getting high?” I asked and he nodded.

His hands twitched impatiently and I smiled softly.

“Need a cigarette?” I asked and he nodded.

“Are you going out?” He asked and he pulled the pack out of his pocket and tapped it against his wrist.

“Yeah.” I said.

“Be careful.” He said and I nodded before kissing his temple.

“Love you.” I whispered and I felt him smile.

“Love you too.” He breathed back before I was slipping out of the back door, pulling my hoodie over my head.

I hated that I needed to take these kinds of walks in the middle of the night. Everything was just harder these days and I needed to escape.

I could feel the anger building in my stomach and I tried to take a deep breath. I noticed of course when Zayn flinched when I walked into the room, or when he would pause on a different floor of the house because he heard me move.

Sometimes I wished he wasn’t afraid of me.

Sometimes I wished he was more afraid of me.

Sometimes I was afraid of me.

I cracked my knuckles, the rage boiling in my chest.

I hated being who I was.

I hated hearing that voice in the back of my head, the one calling me a fag, pointing out all of my mistakes in his gruff voice.

‘You’re a faggot’

‘Absolutely worthless.’

It was all true.

“Shut up.” I spoke softly, clutching at my short hair.

 It wouldn’t shut up, I knew it wouldn’t have.

It never did.

I pushed through the crowd, trying not to freak out. I ended up in front of a small house.

It was his house.

I wondered if he still lived there or if his parents picked up and left to start a new life.

I would’ve if I were them.

I shook my head, the roaring getting too loud.

All I wanted was to escape.

I took a step forward before taking a step back, pulling at my hair.

I should turn around. I should go home to Zayn.

I shouldn’t follow this wildfire that was raging through my chest. The one that was telling me to rage and claw and maim and claim.

I shouldn’t have wanted him.

I shouldn’t still want something like him.

I tucked my hands into my pockets and turned sharply back towards home.

‘Fucking faggot.’ Echoed in my head as I opened the back door. Zayn was sitting at the kitchen table, swirling a glass of water around the table.

“Hey.” He whispered softly and I dove in hungrily, grabbing his wrists as I kissed him deeply.

I needed to get the taste of boy off of my brain.


	4. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suicide Trigger

Harry

I closed my door tightly, leaning against it softly. There was another party going on. I kind of missed it when he was still at university, when he only came back to torture me during holidays. I’d long since given up on trying to preserve mom’s vase; it wasn’t even like it was antique. I’m sure he could just buy a new one and replace it.

The party ended somewhere around dawn and I sighed. Everyone eventually scattered and I laid down in my bed, more at ease now that I didn’t have to worry about someone coming up here to have sex in my bed.

I scratched absently at my wrists, sighing as I felt the drag of my fingernails against my scabs.

I could feel some of the old ones; scar tissue that had molded itself in raised ridges that weaved in between fresh cuts. It was kind of relaxing, to know that I was in control for once. It was nice to be able to get away from _those thoughts_.

“Haz?” I looked up to see Gemma standing at my door. I quickly pulled down my sleeve and she sighed before sitting on the edge of my bed.

“You ok?” I asked and she nodded.

“I just got back from Ellie’s house. I heard about the ‘rager’ Mike threw.” She said with a scoff.

“I’m sorry I left you here with that. Were you alright?” She asked.

Everyone was very sensitive about me lately. I looked down at my bedspread and nodded.

“That’s good.” Gemma whispered and I nodded.

I wish she would just leave.

“You start school Monday, are you excited?” She asked and I shrugged.

So excited to go back to this school where they treat me like shit. She was lucky, she’d be starting university soon.

“I’m kind of tired Gem. Can we do this later?” I asked and she nodded, patting my head softly.

“Goodnight Haz. See you in the morning.” She whispered and I nodded.

She left the room and I burrowed deeper under my blanket, looking down at my wrists.

Hopefully this year would be better.

\---

I threw my backpack to the floor and collapsed on my bed. My shirt was stained with the red of today’s spaghetti and my glasses were cracked in half. I was lucky I had bummed some electrical tape off of a band kid.  I could feel the tears pressing against the back of my eyelids. I tried so hard to keep from crying, but I knew it wasn’t any use. I pressed the heel of my palm into my eyelids and began to sob manically.

I hated that place, and it was just as bad this year as it had been last year. Max still bullied me and I was still alone.

 

I’d always be alone.

 

I dug under the bed and pulled out a little black box.

It was a stationary kit my mom got me for my freshman year.

I opened it and dumped it out onto my bed, fishing through the set until I found the pencil sharpener. I undid the screw, I hated having cracked pieces of plastic laying around, it would get suspicious, and dislodged the razor.

 

I looked around, should I go to the bathroom? I did have a carpet.

No, I didn’t have time for that. Someone would probably be home any minute.

I pulled up my sleeves, and dug the razor into my forearm before pulling it up slowly, watching it split open. I switched hands and dug the razor in my other arm, pulling it up slowly.

It was kind of like unzipping my skin… that was a pretty weird thought.

I felt my body relax and I laid back onto the bed, watching fascinatedly as the blood dripped down my arm.

“Harry, are you cry- Oh God.” I looked up to see Gemma standing at the door and all the serenity faded away as she scrambled towards my bed, grabbing a shirt to staunch the bleeding.

“What have you done?” She asked frantically and I shrugged feeling shame seep into the pit of my belly.

“Stay with me okay? What were you thinking? Mom would be so upset.” She said, pressing down on the cuts and I winced.

“What’s going on?” I looked up to see Ashley standing at the door.

“Go to your roo-”

“What’s wrong with Harry?” She asked inquisitively, stepping into the room.

“Get out now Ashley.” Gemma yelled and the little girl nodded, closing the door behind her.

My eyes were so heavy.

I felt my vision blur and I let my eyelids droop closed.


	5. Louis

Louis

I stood outside of his house, rubbing up my arms. I could feel the heaviness sticking to my stomach, and the knocking in my knees.

He yanked opened the doors and smiled at me.

“I knew you’d be back.” He whispered and I smiled up at him.

“I missed you daddy.” I whispered and he smirked.

“Me, or the good stuff?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Same thing.” I answered and he shook his head.

“Come in.” I walked into the house and went to the couch. He walked in after me and went to the kitchen.

“Would you like something Louis? Maybe some Tea?” He asked and I tried to control a painful shiver that was ripping through my muscles.

“No.” I yelled.

“No what?” He asked and I sighed.

“No daddy.” I yelled back and he smiled, walking back into the living room with a cup of tea.   
“I’m going to go get more comfortable and then I'll be back with you.” He said and I nodded.

He needed to hurry up before I ripped my hair out.

He came back five minutes later, a smoker’s jacket on. He was thorough about this. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little baggie.

I reached for it and he smiled, shaking his head.

“uh uh uh. We mustn’t do that. Good boys don’t snatch. Good boys earn their treats.” He said and I nodded before getting off of the couch.

“Accompany me to the bedroom dear?” He asked and I nodded before grabbing onto his arm.

“Oh honey… you’re shaking something awful aren’t you?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah.” I whispered, my voice cracking.

“Here, you can have a little before we start.” He opened the powder and poured a little out on his finger before holding it to my nose. I snorted it and he gave me three more lines, it was enough to take the edge off.

He dropped me onto his bed and I let my eyes trail down his shoulders. He had his initials embroidered onto the jacket.

A golden N.G swirling in the lush maroon.

What a prick.

I felt a chuckle prickle through my chest and he looked down at me.

“What’s so funny?” He asked and I snapped my eyes up to his.

“I can feel it now.” I said and he rolled his eyes, but continued to get undressed

He slipped into me and I closed my eyes, drowning out his grunts and moans.

\---

I pulled my jacket around myself and hunched my shoulders against the wind. I looked over at a familiar whitewashed house and quirked an eyebrow, they never had that many cars home unless they were having a party. I wonder what the big occasion was. I shrugged and headed the opposite way.

I tried to open the door to find that it was locked. I sighed and went around back. This door was locked too. I groaned and pounded on the door.

“Zayn! Liam! Open up the goddamned door!” I yelled and I heard a window open and a blonde kid peek his head out of the window.

“Who are you?” He asked, his voice meek.

“Who the hell are you?” I asked.

The door swung opened and I was met with a scowling Zayn.

“Hello Zayner!”  I said and he rolled his eyes.

“Why the hell are you screaming like a banshee?” He asked and I shrugged.

“You guys locked me out.” I said simply as I pushed past him.  
“You have a key.” He pointed out, following me into the house.

“I lost it.” I said simply and he rolled his eyes.

“Who was that kid?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Another misfit? I swear this is turning into an orphanage, or something.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“Why are you here?” He asked and I put my hands in my pocket.

“I need a place to crash.” I said and he shrugged.

“You know where your room is.” He said. I nodded, going upstairs, stopping in at Liam’s door to say hello before going to my room. I swung opened my door, inhaling the stale scent that was this house, before dropping down on my bed and pulling out my baggie.

I pulled the glass tray onto my bed and poured the powder onto it. I cut it into lines and began to snort it.

This would have to do until I could get a new set up.


	6. Niall

Niall

I stood at the door as I listened to Liam and Zayn go at it downstairs. I took a deep breath and went to close my door when a voice stopped me.

“Hey…” I looked up to see the guy who was really loud at the door stare at me with a subdued look.

“Hey…” I whispered back and he stepped towards me. I quickly stepped back and he scrunched up his forehead before swearing under his breath.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m Louis.” He whispered and I nodded.

“I’m Niall.” I said softly and he tsked.

“How old are you?” He asked and I blanched. _He_ asked how old I was when _He_ hurt me.

“I’m fourteen.” I whispered and he tsked again.

“You look so much younger. How long have you been here?” Louis asked and I shrugged.

“Since Friday night, or Saturday morning probably. Do you come here often?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I guess. I’m gonna head out soon though, but, it was nice to see you kid. I'll probably see you soon.” He said and I nodded.

“I’m going to close the door.” I whispered and he nodded as I slipped the door closed softly.

\---

The next day I scanned the cafeteria for somewhere to sit. Of course, there was nowhere, I mean I couldn't sit with my friends… They’d know what happened, and they’d hate me.

“Niall!” I looked up to see a dark haired boy waving me towards him and I sighed before hobbling towards him.

It still hurt to walk.

“Hey dude, are you avoiding me? I called your cell like seven times and you never answered.” Calum said and I shook my head.

“I lost my phone.” I lied.

I hadn't seen my phone for a while. I couldn't remember if I left it at my parent’s house, or if I left it back at the party.

“Oh, well, come on.” He said, slinging his arms around me. I shrunk away but he didn’t notice as he towed me back towards our old table.

“Did you hear about that Styles kid?” Ashton asked and I scrunched up my eyebrows.

“He tried to kill himself last night.” I looked back at the spot Harry normally ate; it was a small little alcove right where the doors of the cafeteria were. He would push himself into the corner and eat hurriedly before disappearing.

Probably avoiding Max.

I’d watched his one attempt to get lunch last year. Before he could disappear, Max pushed his tray into his chest.

He did it yesterday too.

I guess it just all got to him.

“That’s… sad.” I whispered and Luke tilted his head.

“You’re being quiet… What’s wrong?” He asked and I shook my head.

“I’m fine.” I whispered, staring down at the table.

They continued trying to carry on a conversation. I didn’t contribute and eventually they just stopped.

\---

I was doing my homework in the room Zayn let me crash in when I heard a knock on the door.

I edged to the top of the stairs.

“Hey, have you seen this kid?” I heard a voice ask and I tensed.

I knew that voice.

It was Greg.

“Uh, why?” I heard Liam ask and I took a couple of steps down, trying to get a good look at him.

“Well, Liam Payne, I remember you. I heard you-“

“Who’s this?” I heard Zayn ask and I heard Greg gasp.

I peeked my head around the corner to see Liam had wrapped his arms around Zayn.

“Well he’s older than I thought he’d be.” Greg quipped and I saw that flicker of anger that I’d come to recognize in the short time I’d been here flash across his eyes.

“Niall?” I looked up to see that Greg was staring at me. I turned my head, trying to hide myself.

“Niall! Get out here.”

I took a deep breath, my heart pounding.

“Come on sweetie, he saw you, there’s no need to hide.” I heard Zayn say and I opened my eyes. He was standing in front of me, holding his hand out. I nodded, hugging myself tightly as I walked into the living room.

“What did they do to you? Have they been holding you here against your will?” He asked and I shook my head, keeping my eyes trained to the floor.

“Hey! Look at me.” He said and my eyes snapped up to meet his.

 “What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in college?” I asked and he shook his head.

“I should be asking you the same thing. Mom and dad called me. They told me you’d gone missing.”

“I’m surprised they noticed to be honest.” I said and he sighed.

“So you’re here, staying with gay men on your own volition?” He asked and I nodded.

“What should I tell mom? It’ll kill her to know that you’re…” He trailed off and I hugged myself tighter.

“You know exactly what to tell them. I can’t go back there.” I whispered and he shook his head.

“They’ll think this is a sin. They’ll think you’re the devil.” Greg said and I nodded.

“I know.”

“They won’t want anything to do with you. Is that what you want?” He asked and I swallowed hard.

“You can never come home Niall. They won’t allow it.” He said and I nodded.

“I know.” I whispered and Zayn put his hand on my shoulder.

“He has a family here. He won’t need you guys.” He said and Greg stood.

“Well, I’m going to go home, I'll tell mom and Dad to stop looking for you.” He said, before turning away.

“Greg?” He looked back at me.

“Can you bring me some clothes?”

He nodded before leaving the house.

Later on I found a trash bag full of clothes on the porch.

I never saw Greg.


	7. Louis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You see a glimpse into Louis' home life. Comment Please!

Louis

I tiptoed into the house and laid down on my bed. I took a deep breath, my back popping as I sunk into the hard mattress. I had a couple of hours until I had to wake up and tend to the girls.

“Louis?” I looked up at the door to see Daisy standing at the door. She was clutching a small doll to her chest.

“Hey baby-doll.” I whispered and she tiptoed into my room and dropped down into the bed beside me.

“I had a bad dream.” She whispered and I rubbed her back.

“It’s okay honey, it’s okay.” I whispered, rocking her back to sleep.

Soon I was joined by Phoebe. She snuggled into the other side of me and I kissed her forehead.

I was tired, but I couldn't sleep.

I got up a couple of hours later and began my descent downstairs, both girls on my hips.

“You’re getting skinny.” My mom said as I sat the girls at the table. They rubbed their eyes in unison as I began to sit bowls in front of them.

“Well, what I've lost, you've gained.” I said back and she rolled her eyes.

“Where were you last night? Out lying on your back?” She asked, sipping from a cup of coffee.

“I've learned from the best.” I shot back and she tsked.

“Hey honey.” Daniel came downstairs, kissing my mom.

“Hey Louis, girls.” He kissed each of our foreheads.

“Morning Dad.” They chirped and I clenched my teeth.

“Morning Daniel.” I said and he smirked at me.

“What’s for breakfast?” He asked and I shook the box of cereal.

“Off brand captain crunch. Want some?” I asked and he shook his head.

“I’m good.” He said and I nodded before pulling out the milk.

“We’re going to need some more milk.” I said as I poured the girls a bowl.

“Then maybe you should get a job and buy us some.” My mom said and I rolled my eyes.

“I'll pick some up. I’m going out anyway.” Daniel said.

“Going job hunting?” I asked and he nodded.

“I’ve got an interview today so, yeah. Do I look alright?” He asked and I nodded.

“You look handsome. I’m sure you’re going to get it.” I said and he nodded.

“Thanks Louis. Well, I better get going. I love you Johannah Darling.” He said, kissing her again. I sneered and the girls giggled from behind their spoonful of cereal.

He kissed us on the forehead and left the room. I began to wash some dishes when I felt my mom push me a little harder than necessary into the counter.

“I see what you’re doing. Stop it.” She said and I rolled my eyes.

“Paranoid as always, Johanna Darling.” I mocked and she glared at me before grabbing her purse off the hook.

“I’m going to work. Watch the girls. And for God’s sake try to at least contain your sluttiness. Try not to suck any dicks while I’m gone.” She said with contempt and I laughed.

“That goes for you too.” I said back and she rolled her eyes.

“Alright girls. I love you. Give mommy some kisses.” She said and they kissed her on the cheek before leaving the house. I wiped the counter off, taking a deep breath.

“Alright girls, let’s get these washed up and then we’ll get you two bathed alright?” I said and the girls quickly handed me their bowls.

I washed the bowls before carrying the girls upstairs. I ran them some water, finding them some clothes to wear before dropping them into the tub.

I did everything as clockwork, but loving as possible.

They were home with me the most, and I was the one who fulfilled these duties. I’d always been the one to fulfill these duties.

“Alright, out you go.” I said, wrapping a towel around Phoebe and pulling her out of the tub.

“And you next.” I said, doing the same for Daisy. I toweled them off and led them to my room. I began to brush Phoebe’s hair and then moved onto Daisy.

I pulled their clothes on and took them downstairs so that they could watch Sesame’s street while I tried to catch up on some reading.

\---

“I’m home.” I heard Daniel yell out and the girls stomp down stairs.

“Daddy!” They shouted, probably jumping into his arms.

It was kind of annoying that they called him Daddy. Our Father, Mark, was a great man. He wasn't this guy who was shacking up with my mother. Our father died a little while after the twins were born.

“Hey Louis.” I looked up to see Daniel leaning in the door.

“Hey, just making Dinner.” I said, looking down at the bubbling pot of mac and cheese. No matter how much I cooked for the girls, I was never going to be Master Chef.

“I’m sure it’s good.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“It’s just mac and cheese and ham. It’s not that big of a deal.” I said and he laughed before crossing his arms.

“So, how did the interview go?” I asked and he smirked.

“I got a job. I start Monday.” He said simply and I turned around, wrapping my arms around him.

“I’m so happy for you.” I breathed and the front door opened.

“What are you doing?” I looked up to see my mom. We separated and I smoothed down my shirt.

“I got the job honey.” Daniel said, grabbing my mom in a hug.

“Oh honey! That’s so great.” She kissed him and I turned away from them to go back to stirring the pot.

 

“Girls! Dinner!” I yelled and they came running down the stairs. I washed their hands at the kitchen sink before sitting them down at the table.

We said grace and I began to eat, watching to make sure the girls didn’t get too much macaroni all over that table.

“The mac and cheese is good, Lou.” Daniel said and my mom shrugged.

“It’s mushy and bland.” She said and I shook my head.

“Daddy, can you hand me the salt?” I asked and I smirked as Daniel flushed and my mom narrowed her eyes at me.

Two could play this game Johannah.


	8. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there is anything too triggering about this story. Except for creepy grimshaw... it's barely bad touch but it's still uncomfortable. I'll try and do more warnings in the future.

Harry

I sat on the couch, playing with the bandages that my mother forced me to wear. I sighed, looking up. Everyone was sitting in front of me, staring at me.  

I wish they would just stop staring at me.

I’d gotten out of my mandated three day incarceration in the psych ward.

“I don’t want to go back to school yet, mom.” I whispered and she huffed.

“Honey, you have to go back sometime.” She said and I sighed.

“Just give me another week please.” I said and she sighed.

“Fine, but I can’t leave you home alone.” She said and I shrugged.

I guess she thought I’d try to off myself again.

“I’d stay, but I have so much to do at work.” My dad said

“I can’t either.” Mike said and my mom ran her hands through her hair.

“I can see if they’ll give me time off at the hospital, but… I doubt it.” She said and I shook my head.

“Maybe Mr. Grimshaw wouldn't mind.” Mike said and my mom quirked an eyebrow.

“I couldn't impose on him.” She said and Mike shook his head.

“I’m sure it wouldn't be. You know you mom. If you stay home, you wouldn't really be home with Harry. You’d be on the phone constantly making sure everything is running in tip top shape, and when you’re not on the phone, you’d be wondering how everything is going.” Mike said and she nodded.

“You’re right, besides, it wouldn't be the first time Nick has babysat for Harry. I'll call him.” She said, going to the phone. Part of me wanted to argue, to say that I didn’t need a babysitter. But I knew that if they left me alone, I’d probably try again, and I’d probably succeed this time.

\---

“I love you so much Harry.” My mother said, kissing me on the forehead. I looked down at my scuffed boots and sighed.

“Behave for Nick alright? The school said they’d be sending over your school work soon so don’t forget to do that alright?” She said and I nodded.

She kissed me one more time before depositing me on Nick’s doorstep.

It was eight in the morning.

What kind of grown man that didn’t seem to work a viable job and wasn't out looking for one, woke up at eight in the morning.

“Hey Harry. Come on in.” He said and I nodded as I sat down on the couch.

“Do you want anything to eat? Or drink?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I have Pop tarts if you want, or I could make you something.” He said and I shook my head.

“I'll just eat a Pop tart. Thanks Mr. Grimshaw.” I said and he smirked, leaning against the side of the couch.

“Just call me Nick, Harry. You know that.” He said and I nodded.

“Alright, Nick.” I said and he smiled before handing me the pastry.

 

“School must be rough huh?” He asked, sitting next to me as I went over my math homework.

“I guess. I don’t really have friends.” I said and he scooted closer to me.

“I’m your friend Harry.” He said and I nodded.

“Yeah, but you don’t go to school with me. It sucks. Everyone always picks on me and I hate it.” I said and he trailed his hand up my bandage.

“I know what you mean. I remember when I was in school. It was so hard because no one could accept me for who I was. Who I loved.” He said and I blushed.

“You’re…gay?” I asked and he laughed.

“Come on Harry. You’re telling me you couldn't tell?” He asked and I looked down at my hands.

“I mean… I don’t- I.” I began and he put his hand on my leg.

My heart thrummed in my chest as I looked at the hand that was caressing my leg.

“It’s okay, It’s okay to feel the way you do.” He said and I swallowed.

“I… I should finish my homework.” I said with a blush and he nodded.

“Alright, I'll be in the kitchen, call me if you want anything.” He said and I nodded.

I tried to focus on my homework, and not the rapid beating of my heart.

He couldn't have known.

I began to pack my backpack and Nick looked over at me.

“All done with your work?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Ashley should be getting home from school…. So, I should be going.” I said and he nodded.

“Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night Harry.” He said and I nodded before going home.

We had an awkward family dinner before going to my room.

Gemma was already at college and I missed her more than I thought I would.

“Harry?” I looked up to see Ashley standing at the door.

“Yes Ash?” I asked and she sat on my bed.

“Are you okay?” She asked and I nodded.

“I’m fine.” I said stiffly and she sighed.

“Where’d you get those bruises? Are those mean boys beating you up again?” She asked and I shrugged, trying to keep myself from tearing up.

“I'll come and beat them all up. Tell those big meanies to leave my big brother alone.” She said, and I tried to force out a laugh. How was she braver than me?

“Is it cloudy again?” She asked and I shrugged, unable to keep myself from crying.

She called my ‘moods’ cloudy. Some days I felt fine. Some days I couldn't even get out of bed because my chest hurt too much and everything seemed too dark. My mom thought I was being melodramatic. She thought it was just teenaged angst that I would get over. But how could I get over this feeling of having darkness chasing me? Watching and waiting to devour me.

I hated that I could feel that feeling bubbling up into my chest as we spoke.

“It’s okay Harry, It’ll be okay.” She whispered and I nodded. She wrapped her arms tightly around my thin waist and tucked her head under my arm. I hated that I could find comfort in her. It used to be Gemma. Gemma was my best friend, until my mom married Robin and she didn’t have to fulfill that role for me anymore. She grew up and I was left behind.

“Ashley honey, it’s your bedtime.” I heard Mike call and I quickly wiped my eyes.

“You in here crying faggot?” He asked in I guess what he thought was jest and I shook my head.

“No, I’m not.” I said feebly and he shook his head.

“Just ‘cause you tried to off yourself doesn't mean I’m going to treat you any different. You’re still my little fairy of a brother.” He said, rubbing my hair.

Somehow it wasn't soothing.

He left my room and I quickly stripped and took a shower.

I pressed into the bruises left on my shoulders and hips and let out a sigh. I could see Max holding me against that wall all over again.

I bit into my elbow as I felt myself release against the shower curtain, choking on a pinched sob.


	9. Zayn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for domestic violence... but it is very mild.

 

Zayn

I shuffled upstairs and laid down in bed, my heart still pounding in my ears. I shouldn’t be one to complain about being bent over a kitchen chair, but here I was.

“I love you.” Liam whispered hurriedly into my neck as I laid down and I closed my eyes.

“I love you too.” I whispered and he smoothed his hands down the side of my thigh.

“So smooth.” He whispered and I closed my eyes.

I guess there was going to be a round two.

After he was finished, I pulled the blanket over my chest.

“I can’t believe that Greg guy.” I whispered and he stiffened.

“I can’t believe that we had sex in the kitchen twice in a week.” He said, his voice void of any humor.

“He seemed to know you. How’d you guys know each other?” I asked and he turned on his side.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said and I turned towards him.

“I wanna know.” I said and he growled, rolling over until he had my arms pinned above my head.

“We've had a pretty good week Zayn. Please do not ruin it. I said don’t worry about it.” He began to slam my wrists into the mattress.

“So. Don’t. Worry. About. It.” He said through clenched teeth and I nodded, my breath feeling icy in my chest.

“O-okay. I’m s-sorry.” I stuttered out and he nodded, rolling off of me.

“Now, go to sleep.” He said and I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ceiling.

I was still shaking from fear.

But I deserved it. I knew better than to pester Liam. At least he didn’t hit me like I deserved to be.

\---

I sprang up out of sleep and looked over at where Liam would have been sleeping.

He wasn't there. I bit my lip, unsure of whether I should get up and try to find him, or if he were on one of his late night walks. I finally found myself reaching for my cigarettes, which meant I was going to get out of my bed. I made my way down the hallway until I heard soft conversing.

I stopped and looked into Niall’s door.

Liam was sitting down beside of his bed, stroking the kid’s hair.

I took a deep breath and put my lighter to my wrist, flicking it until I could basically feel my skin singeing.

“Zayn?” I looked up to see Liam looking up at me.

“I’m going back to bed.” I croaked out, heading back to our room.

I tucked myself under the bedspread and curled into a ball to sleep.

 

I awoke the next day, Liam lying next to me in bed.

He’d always come back to me.

I got out of bed and made my way downstairs.

“Zayn?” I felt Liam’s arms wrap around my torso.

“Good Morning.” I whispered and he leaned his head against my shoulder.

“You know I love you right?” He asked and I nodded.

“Good. Good.” He whispered before leaning against the kitchen table.

“You going to go get Niall up and make him some breakfast right?” He asked and I nodded.

“I’m right on it.” I said and he nodded.

“Good.” He said.

I got Niall up for school and by the time he was downstairs and dressed, albeit his head was lying on the table, his eyes closed, I had breakfast made.

I sat a plate in front of him and he looked up at me, a small smile on his face.

“Thanks Zayn.” He said, his voice small and weak.

He must have been up half the night.

Liam came back to me.

“Zayn, did you pack his lunch?” Liam asked and I nodded.

“Of course, I did it last night.” I said quickly, pulling the bagged lunch items out of the fridge.

“You don’t have to do that. Really.” Niall said and I shook my head.

“Nonsense honey. We have to feed you.” Liam said and I nodded.

“Of course Jaan.” I looked over at Liam to see if it were okay to use that term of endearment. He smiled and sipped his coffee so I guess it was.

“It’s not a big deal.” I said with a smile and Niall smiled up at me.

“Alright, you’ve gotta get on the bus, and I’ve gotta head out. I'll see you tonight Zayn.” Liam said, kissing me on the forehead and I nodded.

“Gotta work?” I asked and he nodded.

“Fixing up a barn roof. It’s something.” He said and I nodded.

“I'll see you later. I love you.” I whispered and he pulled me into a hug.

“I love you too.” He whispered.

He ushered Niall out of the door and I slumped into a chair, sipping on a cup of coffee.

It really has been a good week.


	10. Liam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for some domestic violence.

Liam

I settled down on the couch, Niall sitting on one of the overstuffed love-seats that my aunt left in the house when she gave it to me. We were watching some random television program that Niall liked. I wonder if he’d like a TV in his room. That room never had one, and Louis’ room didn’t either. Not that I didn’t trust him or nothing, but I wasn't going to leave a TV in a room with a Junkie.

Niall gave a little chuckle; he was clutching his ankles as his knees were touching his chest. He had such little, delicate ankles… so white…

_‘I bet they’d fit into the palm of your hands as you pulled him across the bed…_  

I looked over at Zayn, he was focusing on the show, his fingers picking absently at his burns.

“Stop it.” I whispered and he looked up at me before dropping his hand.

“It’s going to get infected if you keep picking at it.” I said between my teeth and he nodded, his hands itching at the side of his pants.

“If you can’t keep your hands still, go find something to keep them busy.” I growled and Niall stiffened.

“Look, he can’t even enjoy his program.” I whispered and Zayn looked down at the couch.

“I’m sorry. I'll stop.” He said, sitting on his hands.

I don’t know why, but I could feel the anger building up in my chest.

“I’m going to go to bed.” Niall said, standing up, keeping his body hunched over himself.

“It’s a Friday night Niall.” I said and he shrugged.

“Just tired.” He said, and I nodded.

“Don’t forget to brush your teeth.” Zayn whispered and he nodded before hurrying upstairs.

“See what you do. You scared him off.” I said and he sighed.

“No I didn’t.” Zayn squeaked.

_Are you just gonna let him talk back to you like that?_

“Don’t fucking backtalk me like I’m not a man. I’m a man Zayn.” I yelled and he flinched.

“I never said you weren’t a man.”

_Now he’s call you a liar._

“Are you calling me a liar?” I asked, grabbing his arms.

“n-n-no. No Liam. I’d never call you a liar.” He said shakily.

_You know what you’ve got to do. You’ve gotta put him in his place. Are you afraid to? You’re a man. Act like a man and not a fucking faggot._

“Yeah, I know. I know what you say, Zayn. But I’ve gotta put you in your place. We’d been having such a good week. Of course, it wouldn’t last. It’ll never last. It’s all your fault. It’s all your fault, you drive me to this. And now I’ve got to punish you.” I said, pushing him into the couch.

He tried to turn away and I raised my fist, punching him in the face.

His head snapped back into the couch and he took a sharp intake.

_Feel that fire? Feel that power. You’re a man._

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Zayn whimpered, his saliva sticking to the top of his mouth from his heavy crying.

“Go clean yourself up, then you can come to bed.” I whispered and he nodded. I climbed off of him and headed to my room.

_Good Job._

I could hear him in the kitchen, making an ice pack before straightening up the living room.

I stopped by Niall’s room to see him huddled under his blanket, his knees tucked up into his chest.

I went to my room and laid down, my pulse evening out.

Why did I hit him? Why would I do that?

I could feel my hands still shaking from the dissipating rage.

I hated how everything seemed so clear and cold afterwards. Why was I so dumb?

“Li?” I looked up at the door to see Zayn. He had mostly stopped crying, and his face was red, it’d be a fierce purple by tomorrow.

“Come here.” I whispered and he nodded before sitting on the bed.

“I’m so sorry. I’m such a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have hit you over that.” I whispered and he tucked his face into my shoulder gingerly.

_You’re so weak._


	11. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry spends the day with Nick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, Nick's creepy... no non/con... just uncomfortable feelings... 
> 
> Also, just wondering, for all those who read this story, should i stick to once a week or should i update more often... this story will be fairly long and i'm not sure if i should keep posting like i am or do more to finish it quicker. Comment and let me know if people are reading and whether I should update quicker! Thanks, your comments are heaven to me.

Harry

I sat up. It was seven in the morning. I hadn’t been able to sleep the whole night. I’d been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

The heaviness in my chest was back.

It’d been such a good week.

Well, as good of a week as I could have, considering I’d failed to off myself, spent three days high as a kite as I was locked inside of a mental ward and spent the rest of my time lounging around with Nick.

“Harry, wake up.” I heard Mike yell and I rolled my eyes.

If only I’d been able to sleep.

I laid on my side, pulling the blankets up to my chin.

“Did you hear me? It’s time to get up lazy.” Mike said, opening my door. The lights from the hallway splashed into my room and Mike tsked before opening the blinds.

“Why’s it so dark in here emo?” He asked and I screwed my eyes shut at the light.

“Harry, come on. I’m going to be late. Get up.” He said, patting me on the bum and I sighed.

“You don’t even have work. I don’t even think you’ve been to work all week.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m going out with friends, something you lack.” He said and I sighed.

“I have friends.” I whispered.

“Your diary and Nick Grimshaw do not count.” He said and I scowled.

“I don’t want to get up.” I whispered and he sighed.

“You can’t wallow in bed for the rest of your life kiddo. Come on.” He said gentler.

Gemma would have understood.

“I don’t think I can get up.” I whispered and he rolled his eyes.

“Now you’re just being dramatic, Harry.” He scooped his hands under me and lifted me out of bed.

“Come on. You’ve got to be over to Nick’s.” He said and I sighed.

“I don’t wanna go.” I complained, tucking my head into his chest.

“Harry, Har look at me. I’m serious.” I looked up at him and he sighed.

“He didn’t like touch you or anything?” He asked, running his hands through his hair.

I looked back down.

“Harry, answer me.” He said and I shook my head.

“No. Of course not. I just… I’m having a bad day.” I whispered and he sighed.

“You’re being pouty like a little girl. Come on. I’m supposed to escort you to Nick’s house.”

“Do I get to change out of my pajamas?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Not enough time, you’ve made me late. Let’s go.” He said carrying me over to Nick’s porch and dropping me before ringing the doorbell.

“Where’s Ashley?” I asked.

“At gymnastics. She’s spending the day at Sydney’s. Alright, see ya little bro.” He said, pushing me into Nick’s house. I landed in his arms as Mike walked away.

“Well, didn’t think that when I answered my door I’d get an armful of prepubescent boy.” He said and I felt my cheeks redden.

“I’m pubescent.” I muttered and he chuckled.

“You’re also in your pajamas. Did Mike ambush you?” He asked and I nodded. He kicked the door closed behind me and tightened his arms around me.

“It’s cool. We can make a day out of it. I'll get in my pajamas too.” He said before letting me go. I quickly slipped onto the couch and he ran upstairs. I played with the fraying spots on my pajama pants as I willed my blush to go away.

“Alright kiddo. I’m ready.” Nick sat down on the couch opposite me, folding his legs under himself.

“So, what’s the plan?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Oh, I know. We can watch Saturday morning cartoons and eat sugary cereal and laze around. We can have tacos for lunch. What do you say?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Cheer up Har.” He said, running his hands through my hair. He hopped off of the couch and I buried my head in my knees, trying to keep myself from crying.

He brought back the cereal, before sitting down and cradling me into his body as we ate.

I eventually fell asleep, my head laying against his chest.

I awoke with my head smushed into a pillow. Nick was gone.

“Daddy, please.” I heard someone whine.

“No. Now’s not a good time. I’m busy.” I heard him whisper hurriedly.

“Please. I need you.” The other person whispered.

“Me or it?” He asked and there was a pause.

“It’s the same thing.” The boy whispered and I heard a sigh.

“Come back later alright? I just can’t right now.”

“Alright, okay… yeah okay.” The guy said and I went to peek into the kitchen where the back door was. The boy was leaving quickly.

“Who was that? Your boyfriend?” I asked and Nick turned back to look at me.

“No, he’s just a friend. So, ready for those tacos?” Nick asked and I shrugged.

“Come on, let’s go back in the living room.” He said, guiding me to the couch. I sat down and he trailed his hand over my chest and to my back.

“I'll have the tacos ready in a sec alright?” He said and I nodded. I looked down at my scars, the bandage slipping down my arm. The scars were fading from angry red to sullen pink. I ran my fingers over the stitches and sighed.

“I’m back Harbear.” Nick said, putting a tray on the coffee table. I folded my knees into my chest and he let his hands trail up my leg before dancing on the end of my bandages.

I took a deep breath and he handed me a plate.

“You didn’t have to shoo your friend away.”  I said softly and he shrugged.

“I like hanging out with you better. I get the feeling he’s only using me to feel better.” He said, leaning into my shoulder. I blushed and looked down, playing with a little lettuce that was dangling on the end of my plate.

“I do the same thing don’t I?” I said and he shook his head.

“No… it’s not the same.” He said.

“Harry, you’re really sad, aren’t you?” He asked, his hands intertwining with mine and I looked down with a nod.

“I’m sorry.” He said simply and I wiped my face on the back of my hand.

“It’s okay. Hanging out here had made it a little better.” I said with a blush and he squeezed my hand tighter.

“Good.” He whispered.


	12. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some drug use and references to Domestic violence. Be careful. Comment to let me know if it's still good, and when i should start updating.

Louis

I turned away from Nick’s house, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. Of course he doesn’t have time for me. He was with some other little jailbait. Of course.  I pulled at my shirt, it was sticking to me from the muggy weather.

I made my way across town to Liam and Zayn’s. I knocked on the door anxiously and the door swept open.

“Wow, I’ve never seen you in the daytime.” Zayn joked and I rolled my eyes.

“Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors?” I asked and he shrugged. I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair.

“You okay Louis?” He asked and I hugged my arms around my middle, my stomach feeling like it was eating itself.

“Just fuckin’ peachy. Excuse me.” I said, pushing through the door.

“Why don’t you just drop by Grimshaw’s?” Zayn asked and I shrugged.

“I don’t need him.” I said and he crossed his arms.

“Louis, you’re shaking.” He said with a concerned look.

“Thanks for the observation, Mom.” I said and he rolled my eyes.

“You don’t have to get all hostile with me because you’re jonesing.” He snipped and I rolled my eyes.

“And you don’t have to go all maternal on me because your boyfriend fucked up your face.” I said and huffed.

“You’re such a fucking junkbag.” He said as I ran upstairs and began to rip through my room.

“That’s not true.” I yelled back before finding the bag that I stashed under the mattress.

“I can stop anytime I want.” I said and he stood at the door.

“If you say so.” I kicked the door closed and pulled out my old beat up set up.

 

“Hey Neil.” I said to the small boy standing at the door.

“It’s Niall.” He said quietly and I nodded.

“Cool.” I said quietly, wetting my lips slowly.

“Are you okay?” He asked and I nodded.

“Just fine.” I whispered, enjoying the spread of warmth that was radiating through my center like I had a little sunshine in the middle of my tummy.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” He asked, pointing at the blood covered syringe and the little prick of blood dribbling down my foot.

“Nah… feels like heaven.” I said and he nodded.

 

I slipped my socks back on and pulled my beanie back on my head. When did the sun go down? I went downstairs.

“Bye Zayn.” I said, waving at him.

“Bye Louis.” He said, standing at the sink. He was probably waiting on Liam to get home. He never did anything without Liam.

I opened the front door right as Liam got in.

“Hey Li.” I said and he ruffled the beanie on my head.

“You leaving?” He asked and I nodded.

“Gotta go make sure Jay doesn’t blow up the house or anything.” I said and he nodded.

“Hey baby.” Liam said, diverting his attention from me to Zayn.

Zayn still blushed every time Liam set eyes on him. I'll never understand it.

“I’ve missed you. I love you so much.” He began and I rolled my eyes before closing my eyes and trotting back home.

“Finally. You done getting corked right? At least for the rest of the night that is.” I heard my mom say as I walked into the door.

“Ah Johannah. What would I do without your beautiful outlook on life and sweet disposition?” I said, putting my hands over my heart.  She sneered at me.

“Funny. I’m going out.” She said and I nodded.

“Good for you.” I said and she rolled her eyes.

“Stay with the girls until Daniel gets home alright?” She said.

“So, Daniel and I will have the whole house to ourselves?” She shoved me and I raised my arms.

“Just kidding. Calm down.” I said, rubbing my sore back.

“I’m fucking serious Louis. You better not try that shit.”  I nodded and she grabbed her jacket.

“Who are you going out with?” I asked and she opened the door.

“The girls.” She said.

How familiar that sounds.

Like the night Mark died.

I heard her car pull away and I made my way up the stairs.

“Hey girls.” I said, collapsing on one of the dilapidated beanbag chairs.

“Louis!” The girls squealed as they jumped onto me and I took a deep breath.

It was getting harder to handle their weights lately.

I really had to stop smoking cigarettes.

I got them fed and bathed before settling them in bed, a Disney tape playing on the TV. I laid on the bed with them until they fell asleep.

“Hey?” I looked up to see Daniel standing at the door.

“Hey. What time is it?” I asked.

The Disney movie had long ended, the TV casting a bright blue light over the room.

“Just after midnight. My colleagues took me out for drinks. Sorry I left them with you all night.  Is your mom gone?” He asked and I nodded.

“Well, you should be getting to bed, nice tiara.” He pointed out.

“Don’t you think I’m pretty?” I asked and he stilled.

“What?” He asked.

“I’m pretty in my Tiara right?” I asked again, biting my lip.

“The prettiest princess… Uh, you should get to bed.” He said with a blush and I reached my arms up.

“Carry me. I’m too tired to walk.” I mumbled and he sighed, coming to lift me.

“My knight in shining business attire.” I mumbled into his chest.

He dropped me onto my bed and I laid back, kicking my shoes off.

“Gonna tuck me in?” I asked and he rolled his eyes. Pulling the blankets from under me.

“Not yet. I don’t sleep in jeans. That’s gross.” I said before unbuckling my pants. I slipped them off quickly before letting him cover me with the blanket.

“Good night Lou. Thanks for watching the girls.” He said and I nodded.

“You know, you could stay in here tonight. Mom’s not going to be back until noon tomorrow.” I said and he looked towards the door.

“Louis, I should really go to my room.” He said and I tucked my arms into my chest.

“I don’t want to sleep alone. I’m scared.” I whispered.

“Louis, you’re seventeen.” He whispered.

“Doesn’t make me any less frightened.” I said defiantly.

“Wow, scared to frightened. That escalated. What are you afraid of?” He asked and I sighed.

“Being alone. Dying. Heights. Clowns. Getting old.” I said and he rolled his eyes but slipped under the blanket next to me.

“You’re impossible.” He whispered, flinging the Tiara across the room. I laid my head on his chest.

“Good night.” I whispered before falling asleep.

I awoke to the sunlight streaming in on me and Daniel’s chest under my head.

“mmm morning.” He groaned out and I looked up, a blush creeping across my cheeks.

“Morning.” I whispered and he looked down at me, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my neck.

I let my eyes fall closed and a small whine slipped out of my throat.

“That’s your mom’s spot too.” He whispered before his fingers stilled.

“I should go get showered… I reek of alcohol. I'll see you at breakfast alright?” He said, slipping away from me. He pulled on his pants before leaving the room.

I pressed my face into the pillow and groaned.


	13. Niall

Niall

I sat at the table, my fingers tapping slightly.

“When’s dinner?” I asked Zayn and he looked up at the clock over the sink, his lip catching between his teeth.

“When Liam gets home.” He said, tucking his arms across his chest.

“Why?” I asked and he sighed.

“We just don’t eat until Liam gets home.” He said and I nodded.

“Is he still at work?” I asked and he nodded.  
“He should be home in like ten minutes.” He said and I picked at the thread bare placemat that was in front of ‘my chair’.

“Well, when do you go to work?” I asked and he shook his head.

“I don’t work. I stay here and take care of the house.” Zayn said and I sighed.

“Do you ever leave the house?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I go grocery shopping.” He said and I nodded.

“I guess that’s fun.” I said and he sat at the table next to me.

“Do you want to go out? Liam might let me take the car and take you out. We could go shopping or something.” He said and I shrugged.

“Not really.” I whispered.

“Are you okay?” Zayn asked, laying his hand on mine. His hands were shaking. His hands were always shaking.

“I’m- I’m getting used to it.” I said and he nodded before wrapping his arms around me. I stiffened and he let go.

“Sorry, I-” I began and he shook his head.

“It’s fine. Really.” He said before standing up.

“Liam’s home.” He said, his voice excited.

The door swept opened a minute later and of course Liam was home.

“Liam!” Zayn exclaimed and wrapped his arms around him.

Liam hugged him tight and I looked away.

“Hey Niall.” Liam said, leaning down and kissing me on the top of the head.

 I hunched in on myself as he hung his jacket up.

“Are you hungry?” Zayn began as he busied himself around the kitchen.

\---

I took a deep breath as I stepped into the lunch room.

The last couple of the days were less than ideal.  Luke and Ashton were still bugging me about talking to them. I didn’t have anything to say.

“Hey Niall… I went by your house last night. Your mom said you don’t live there anymore. Where the hell have you been?” Ashton asked and I shrugged.

“Jesus Niall. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Calum asked and I shrugged again.

He shook his head but turned away.

I looked around the cafeteria, holding my bagged lunch.

“Harry’s back.” I said and Luke shrugged.

“I guess, you coming or not?” He asked, trying to lead me to ‘our’ table.

I watched as Max came and upended Harry’s tray. Harry stood there, staring at the floor as Max began.

“Look at the little faggot. Couldn’t even off yourself properly. What a loser.” He said, and Harry sniffled.

“I’m talking to you. Look at me when I’m talking to you.” He said before pushing Harry back into a table. Harry gasped, trying to keep from falling. Max just shook his head.

“Welcome back, fag.” He said, cuffing Harry over the head before walking away, his posse in tow.

“You know, he never sits with anyone. Maybe if he had someone to back him up, Max wouldn’t be so tough on him.” I said and Luke shrugged.

“If he weren’t so gay people wouldn’t pick on him. He’s just bringing it on his self.” He said and I sighed as I watched Harry leave the cafeteria.

I grabbed my lunch and followed him out.

“Hey, Harry?” The boy turned quickly, like a caged animal. He failed to meet my eyes, his eyes falling to the floor.

“What do you want?” He spoke slowly and I shrugged.

“I saw what Max did. It wasn’t right. I was wondering if you wanted half of my sandwich?” I whispered and he looked up.

“Why? What’s in it? What did you do to it?” He asked and I looked down into the bag.

“I’m pretty sure it’s just Peanut Butter and Banana’s. I think Zayn cut the crusts off.” I said and he scrunched up his eyebrows, biting his thumbnail worriedly.

“Why are you doing this? How much did Max pay you to bother me?” He asked and I shook my head.

“He didn’t. I just wanted to be nice. I know what it’s like to have no one understand you.” I said, sitting down against the wall in the theatre.

No one would bother us here.

“Are- are you…you know- gay?” Harry asked and I shook my head.

“No. I’m not gay.” I whispered through clenched teeth and he stiffened.

“But if you are, I’m not one to judge. I live with gay guys. They’re pretty cool I guess.” I said and he tilted his head, taking a piece of the peanut butter sandwich.

“Really?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah.” I whispered.

We ate in silence until the bell rang and I went to my last class of the day.

I sat down in the middle of the classroom and got my books out. It was like my least favorite subject of the day. Pre-algebra.

I put my calculator on my desk and sighed.

“Alright class, I’d like to introduce myself. I am your Pre-algebra teacher. I’d like to thank Mrs. Hannigan fill in for me. I’ve had some family trouble that’s dragged me off.” I looked up as I realized that voice sounded really familiar.

“I’m Mr. Twist.” He said writing his name on the board before turning to face us.

I dropped my pencil as my stomach dropped to my toes.

It was the guy from the party.

He picked up a clipboard and began to go through the roll book and I stared down at my desk, trying to keep my fear in check.

“No Niall Horan?” He asked and I looked up.

“I-i-I’m here.” I mumbled, raising my hand awkwardly.

“Niall Horan. What a unique name. I don’t think I’ve ever even met a Niall before.” He said before moving on to the next name.

What did he mean he’d never met a Niall before?

He forgot me. He used me, ruined my life forever and he doesn’t even have the decency to remember my goddamned name.


	14. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn has some anxiety problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for self-harm and anxiety issues. By the way, I've changed Liam's age to 19, Zayn is still 17. Louis is 17, Harry is 14, and Niall is still 14.

Zayn

I sat on the couch, my feet tucked under me, a pencil and a sketchbook propped on my lap.

The TV murmured on in front of me.

“What are you doing?” Niall asked and I shrugged.

“Just drawing.” I whispered and he nodded. He was bent over a text book, his eyebrows furrowed up in frustration.

“What subject.” I asked and he looked up at me.

“Pre-algebra.” He whispered, the words dripping off of his tongue as if they were poison.

“oh, I remember some of that.” I said, unraveling my legs and going to sit on the floor next to him.

“It’s terrible. I can’t concentrate in that class.” He said and I grabbed the textbook, turning it to face me.

“Why? Cute girl?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Cute boy?” I asked, my heart hammering.

“No… Just the teacher, he-” He stopped his sentence short, the tip of his pencil beating against the table.

Does he like older men?

I hoped not.

“I don’t like my teacher and it’s hard to focus.” Niall said and I nodded, relieved. Then I felt ashamed. Why would I be relieved that this kid hated his teacher.

_‘because if he liked his teacher, he could like Liam._

“Oh, I understand. I’ve had a couple of hateful teachers.” I said and he shrugged.

“Niall? Zayn? I’m home.” I hear Liam yell from the back door and I scowled.

He always says my name first.

“We’re in the living room. What are you doing coming in the back?” I ask, standing up and popping my aching knees.

“I was parking the bike.” He said, stomping off his boots on the welcome rug.

“Okay.” I said standing in the doorway. He walked into the room, kissing me on the side of the face.

“What are you guys up to?” He asked as he settled on the couch.

“Just math homework.” Niall said and I sat back down on the couch.

“Drawing.” I whispered and he nodded, looking over Niall’s homework.

“I was terrible at math in high school.” Liam said, his hands falling to Niall’s shoulders and I looked down at the sketchpad, my chest feeling too heavy.

“Zayn was actually helping me.” Niall said, his shoulders relaxing a little. I untucked my legs and stood.

“I- I’ve got to go to the bathroom. I'll be back soon.” I said before stumbling upstairs. I closed the bathroom door and locked it before leaning my back against it. My breath came shallow and I tried to find a lighter or something to push this anxiety away.

“Zayn, are you okay?” I heard Niall whisper into the door.

“Yeah, fine.” I croaked out, my breath coming in pants. I could feel my tears welling in my eyes and I pressed the heel of my palm into my eyes.

“Zayn. Zayn open the door.” I heard Liam say into the door and I shook my head.

A strangled cry came out of my throat.

“Zayn. Open the Goddamned door.” He said and I felt my vision tunneling as I finally found a lighter.

Before I could press the lighter into my wrist, I blacked out.

\---

I woke up in bed, my pajamas hanging off of my shoulders carefully.

“What the hell was that?” Liam asked from the edge of the bed and I sat up.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered and he turned on me quickly.

“Niall locked himself in his room.” He said and I tried to keep the panic from building in my chest.

He always came back to me.

“I didn’t mean to upset him.” I whispered, pulling my legs to my chest and he reached out, his thumb swiping over my ankle.

“You never mean to do anything.” He said before crawling up the bed.

“What the hell set it off this time?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just anxious.” I whispered and he shook his head before wrapping his arms around my thin shoulders.

He came back to me.


	15. Louis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis gets high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many triggers, also Daddy kink and Tomlinshaw sex. There are mentions of past abuse and Jay being a terrible mother. Be advised.

Louis

I took a deep breath, my hands gripping the sink painfully tight. I needed to get away. I needed to get away like two seconds ago.

“What’s the matter?” I heard Daniel ask and I turned quickly.

“Nothing. Just have a tummy ache.” I said before wanting to slap myself.

“Oh, I’m sorry hon. Do you want some Tea or something?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No, I'll be fine.” I said and he put his hand on my stomach.

“Are you sure?” He asked, rubbing soothing circles over it. I closed my eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I said and he tsked, his hands trailing to my hips.

“Louis, you’re losing a lot of weight.” He said and I shook my head.

“Just puberty I guess.” I said and he raised his hands to my cheek bones.

“Louis, you look like a pile of bones.” He said and I shrugged.

“So you don’t like them skinny? Makes sense why you’re with my mom.” I said, folding my arms defensively across my chest.

“Louis, I’m being serious. I’m worried about you.” He said and I shook my head.

“You don’t have to be. That’s not your job.” I said and he sighed.

“It is my job Louis. I’m your father.” He said and I shook my head.

“We both know you’re not my father Daniel and you’ll never be him.” I said before walking away from him.

“You can be my Daddy. But never my father.” I said before grabbing my jacket and hustling out of the door.

I needed to get high. I needed to get high in two minutes or I was going to do something I was going to regret.

 

“Nick! Open the door.”  I said, tucking my arms across my chest.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting you so soon Louis.” He said, and I walked under his arm.

 “Sorry, I’ve just missed you so much Daddy.” I said, trying to sound seductive.

“Is that right Louis?” He asked, closing the door behind him.

“Uh-huh.” I said, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

“You’re pathetic.” He said with a laugh, but grabbed my arm and led me up to his bedroom.

“Oh Daddy!” I moaned dramatically, his palm spread against my back as he pushed me into the bed.

“Oh yeah? You like that baby? You like that don’t you, you little slut.” He said emphatically and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah. I love it.” I said back and he smacked my ass.

“You’re just a slut aren’t you.  A little slut that loves being taken advantage of by Daddy. Yes you are.” He groaned.

“I’m close…I’m- I- I’m close.” He moaned, pushing me down harder as he pulled out of me.

“Oh yeah, oh yeah. Oh-“ He began to jack off over my back.

“Oh Harry.” He groaned as I felt him release on my back. I tried to get up and he pushed me back down harder.

I flipped him off of me and looked up at him, rage in my eyes.

“What did you just call me?” I asked and he rolled over onto his back, his face blissed out.

“Listen to me!” I said, shaking him.

“Here’s your drugs.” He said, handing me the little baggie.

“My name’s Louis.” I whispered and he nodded.

“Whatever… you should probably be on your way.” He said and I nodded, slipping out of the bed silently and pulling up my pants with one hand.

I stumbled down the stairs and made my way back to Zayn and Liam’s house.

Zayn let me in and I stumbled my way up to my room and locked the door.

_“Hey Babydoll.” He whispered and I looked up at him._

_“Hey Daddy.” I whispered and he smiled, rubbing his hands over my hair._

_“Why don’t you and Daddy have a little fun.” He whispered into my ear and I nodded._

 I shook my head, ripping opened the syringe packet before sticking the needle into the liquid and pulling up the plunger.

_“Suck it up.” He yelled when I began to whimper at the pain._

No!

I stuck the needle in my vein and closed my eyes.

I wasn’t going to think about that. I wasn’t going to dwell.

 

I made my way back into my bed later that night and flopped down face first.

“You finally home?” I heard from the door of my room and I rolled over to see my mom.

“Yeah.”

“Not surprised, you’re not even worth spending the night. What, did they use you and dump you back behind the dumpster?” She asked and I clenched my teeth.

“Is that what they do to you?” I asked and she laughed.

“Cute.” She snarled.

“Well someone’s got to be. It obviously isn’t you.” I said back and she shook her head.

“Well, I’ve got a fiancé and what do you have Louis? Nothing. You are nothing.” She snipped back before slamming my door.

I slammed my fist against my bed as tears slipped from my eyes and my high was stolen from me.


	16. Niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall has some flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers for rape

Niall

_“But here, I'll give you a deal, I won’t rat you out, if you do me a favor.” He said as he pushed me down on the bed. I tried to struggle against him, but my arms felt like lead as he pulled my jeans off swiftly before going for my shirt._

_“Oh yeah. What a pretty little girl. You were just asking for me, weren’t you. Begging for me to come and fuck you on your pretty princess sheets.” He whispered, pinning my arms above my head as he reached down between my legs._

_“I bet you’re so tight.” He whispered, his fingers prodding in me and I flinched._

_“Hey! You wanted it. So you’ll take it. This is what happens when you try and act like a grown up. You do grown up things. Now stop fighting it and take it like the slut you are!” He said, his palm flashing against my cheek. I nodded as tears began to slip down my aching cheek as he pushed into me._

_The party sounds got too loud and I wanted to put my hands over my ears, to block out his groans and swearing above me, and to block out the screaming._

I jerked myself out of my sleep, a silent scream trapped in my throat.

I could hear the thumping of the music and I had to get out.

“Stop please. Please just stop.”

I yelled as I ran down the stairs.

“Please stop. Please. I didn’t- I didn’t want it. I’m sorry.” I cried and Zayn and Liam turned to face me.

Liam was in the middle of yelling at Zayn.

“Niall… Honey… It’s just us.” Liam said softly and I turned and ran into the kitchen, emptying my stomach into the sink.

“Jesus Niall. It’s okay.” Liam said, rubbing my back and I turned to face him, sliding onto my butt.

Zayn was chewing on his thumbnail, his arm wrapped around his body tightly.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered hoarsely and Liam shook his head.

“Could you please go get him something to clean off with?” Liam ordered Zayn and he nodded before disappearing into the laundry room.

He came back with a wash cloth and began to wipe my face off.

“I’m sorry. Just had a nightmare.” I whispered and Liam ran his hands through my hair.

I tensed up and he sighed before dropping his hand.

“Come on. I'll take you back to bed.” He said and I nodded as he swooped me up into his arms and carried me back to my room.

”Are you okay?” Liam whispered and I shrugged. He sat down on my bed and rocked me softly.

“Was it about that night?” He asked and I nodded feebly into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you. I wish I knew who fucking did this to you. I’d fucking slit his throat.” He whispered and I pressed my face into his shirt.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered and he rubbed his hand over the back of my head.

“I can’t fuckin’ stand those sickos.” He said, heat behind his words. I could sense the anger that normally took over Liam’s personality and I shivered visually.

How could Zayn stand to be the recipient of it?

“Shhh. It’s okay. No one’s going to hurt you Nialler.” He whispered and I nodded into the fabric.

I was safe here.

“Do you think you can get back to bed?” He asked me and I shrugged.

I tried to close my eyes and the only thing I could see was _his_ face ingrained to the back of my eyelids. All I could hear was his panting.

I was absolutely fucked.

I flung my eyes opened and shook my head.

“It’s okay. I'll stay in here with you.” He whispered and I nodded. He ran his hands through my hair and tried to lay me down.

“No.” I whimpered and he nodded, sitting on my bed.

“Alright, I’ve got you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Liam whispered and I nodded into his shoulder.

He gently rocked me until I couldn’t keep my eyes opened and I was forced to sleep.


	17. Liam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam reflects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talks of self-harm. Hints of an alcohol addiction and verbally abusive language.

Liam

I laid Niall down and ran my hands down the side of his face. I couldn't deny the fact that he was beautiful. I dropped my hands from his face and cradled my own head.

“Are you coming to bed?” Zayn asked from the door and I looked up at him.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” I said.

I kissed him on the side of the head and stood up. I followed Zayn into our room and he slipped off his shirt.

“Am I still in trouble?” He asked, and I shook my head.

“I’m not angry with you anymore.” I whispered and I saw him visibly relax and I pulled off my pants before lying down on the bed.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked, kneeling at the foot of the bed. I shook my head.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his thumb tucked into his waist band.

“Yes Zayn. I just want to sleep.” I said and he sat on his haunches.

“um-oh. okay. Ok.” He said before lying next to me.

He sighed and turned onto his back.

I turned away from him and closed my eyes.

 

“What are you doing?” Zayn asked as I opened the fridge.

“Putting something in the fridge.” I said back.

“Is that… beer?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah.” I said as if it were obvious.

“You said, you said you weren’t going to drink anymore.” Zayn said and I shrugged.

“I work all damn day. Why the hell can’t I come home and have a beer? What do you do all day?” I asked, grabbing a beer and he flinched.

“I don’t want to start anything. I’m sorry.” He began and I sighed.

“It’s fine honey.” I said before kissing him on the cheek and plopping onto the couch.

_Look at you. Just like your father. A fuckin’ drunk. At least your father wasn’t a fuckin’ sicko like you._

 I shook my head, taking a deep swig of the disgusting piss.

I had to drink. I had to numb everything. Everything that was telling me to claim. Everything that was sick inside of me.

I was fucking disgusting. Just like the man that hurt Niall. I was so fucked up.

“Hey honey… Do you want to go upstairs?” Zayn asked gently, his hands wrapped around my biceps. His hands were shaking and I sighed.

“How long has it been since you burned?” I asked and he sighed.

“Last night.” He whispered.

His anxiety was getting worse.

Normally a burn could keep it off for at least two and a half days. He was shaking like a leaf.

“You’re worse.”  I whispered and he shrugged.

“Come on.” He said and I stood up, pushing him off of me.

“I don’t need your help.” I said and he sighed.

“Come on Liam. You’re about to pass out.” He said and I shook away from him.

“I don’t need you.” I said and he recoiled.

“You don’t mean that.” He whispered, his body automatically hunching in on itself.

“Don’t I?” I asked before making my way upstairs.

I could hear his footsteps follow mine and I made my way to bed, pulling my shirt off.

I fell onto the bed and he came around to the other side, running his hands over my back.

“Stop touching me.” I said and his hands stilled.                                                             

“Alright. Good night Liam. I love you.” He whispered and I groaned something out noncommittally.

He sighed but pulled the blanket up to our chin.

“Did you pack Niall’s lunch?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yes Liam.” He whispered back and I nodded.

“Good.” I whispered before I passed out.


	18. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers for bullying and homophobic language... Also some vague suicidal thoughts... be aware

Harry

I crossed my legs as I sat on my bed, my journal propped up against my lap.

_I had another dream about Him. I wish I didn’t. I can’t do this. I can’t sit here and pretend that what I feel is alright. I can’t sit here and pretend that I’m not a freak because my stomach drops every time I see Max. I shouldn’t want him the way I do. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t understand why if anyone gives me the least bit of attention, I latch on like a leech. I’m sick. Last night, Nick put his hand on my thigh and if I didn’t get hard. I wish I could just fly away. I wonder what it would be like to just take the leap off the bridge, towards the concrete. Maybe I’d sprout wings. Maybe I’d learn how to fly like a swallow._

_Freedom sounds so nice right now._

“Hey Fag! Time for school.” I heard Mike yell.

“Don’t call him that.” I heard my mom say as she swatted him across the back of my head.

“Whatcha writing?” He asked and I tucked my journal behind my back.

“None of your business, Mike.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“You are such a drama queen. Get up; we don’t have time for you to wax poetry about Justin Bieber’s abs.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“You are so idiotic. How was I unlucky enough to have you as a brother?” I asked and smirked.

“I ask myself that everyday kiddo. Now, let’s go.” He said and I scoffed.

He left the room and I tucked my journal into my backpack before slipping into some socks.

“What is that all over your face, Princess?” I heard Mike ask Ashley and she jumped into his arms.

“It’s my Princess Lip gloss. Harry got it for me ‘member?” She asked and he rolled his eyes, wiping at her face. She gave him a kiss on the cheek before he could get all of the stickiness off of her lips. He ran his hands over her bottom lip.

“This stuff is gross, Ash.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

They were sickening.  
I began to brush my teeth and looked into the mirror.

My face was pale and I could see some acne breaking out across my forehead.

Just fucking great.

I pulled my hair away from my face and stared into my green eyes.

They were starting to look dull.

I pulled on my cheeks and opened my eyes wide. I looked tired as hell.

Probably because I hadn’t had a real sleep without waking up disgusted with myself in three days.

“Come on Princess… We’re going to be late.” Mike said with a loud knock on the door.

“Hey! I’m princess!” I heard Ash yell and he grunted. He probably picked her up again. When was he not carrying her?

“Alright!” I yelled, splashing water on my face before leaving the bathroom, brushing past Ash and Mike. They were so annoying.

I grabbed my backpack and ran downstairs to see my mom and dad kissing.

“Gross guys.” I said and my mom rolled her eyes.

“It won’t be gross when it’s you and your wife.” She said and I felt my cheeks reddening.

“Yeah right, like he’ll ever have a girlfriend, let alone a wife.” Mike said and I tucked my arms around my stomach.

“Leave him alone.” My mom said before kissing Mike and Ash on the forehead.

“I'll see you when you get home.” My mom said, pushing us out the door.

They were sickening.

“Mom. You forgot me. Again.” I said and her face reddened.

“Sorry hon.” She said before planting a kiss on my forehead.

“Alright, have a good day.” She said, and I hunched my back as I slipped into Mike’s back seat.

Ashley got front seat.

He dropped her off at the elementary school and we drove in silence to the high school.

I got out of the car first and we parted ways.

I took a deep breath as I made my way to my locker.

Who the hell knew what I would be facing when I got there?

I was shoved into my locker and I slid down onto my butt.

“Morning fag.” Max said before high-fiving his friends. I adjusted my glasses and tried to stand up.

“What are you doing? Did I say you could get up? I mean come on, Harry.” He put his finger under my chin and gently forced my head up.

“I know how much you love looking up at men like this. I mean, with those lips.” He said, his hand tracing my bottom lip and I blushed.

“Now, I believe I said good morning. You may be a fag, but at least have some manners. Good Morning Fag.” He said again.

“Good Morning Max.” I whispered and he smirked.

“Now that’s better.” He pushed me back against the lockers and left with his friends. I stood up, taking a deep breath before gathering my books and heading to class.


	19. Zayn

Zayn

I bit the side of my thumb as I opened the door.

“Louis, I’m not going to keep making you keys.” I said impatiently and he rolled his eyes.

“Do you take that tone with Liam?” He asked and I blanched before looking back towards the stairs.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell the big bad wolf you have a personality.” He said and I shoved him.

“Shut up.” I said, wrapping my arms around myself.

“So, where’s Neil?” He asked, plopping down onto the couch.

“ _Niall’s_ asleep.” I said and he laughed.

“And you’re still up? Where’s Liam?” He asked and I shrugged.

“In Niall’s room. Niall had another bad dream.” I said and Louis rolled his eyes.

“Of course he did.” He said and I furrowed my eyebrows, sitting on the edge of the chair.

“What do you mean?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Nothing. I mean nothing. You got anything in the fridge? My stomach’s killing me.” He said and I shrugged.

“Uh, I can make you some tea.” I whispered before standing up and going to the kitchen. I put the kettle on and almost had a heart attack when I realized Louis was right behind me.

“Jesus Lou!” I said, smacking his chest softly. He grabbed my wrist and stilled it, looking over the bruises that Liam left.

“What the hell did you do this time?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I was being annoying.” I said and he nodded.

“How many times has Liam hit Niall for being annoying?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Never.” I said and he chuckled.

“What the hell is so funny?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Nothing Zayn. Maybe you should lower your voice, wouldn’t want Liam to come in and put you in your place.” He said and I worried my bottom lip with my teeth.

“Shut up. Did you come here to taunt me or did you plan on actually doing something?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Just came to visit.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“Nick wouldn’t give you any?” I asked and his face darkened.

“No. He was busy.” Louis said and the kettle began to whistle. I took it off quickly, and poured the boiling water into a cup for Louis.

“At least you have a stash in your room.” I said, crossing my arms and he shrugged.

“I have a bag. But I can wait it out.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“Louis, you can’t wait. Look at you.” I said and he shook his head.

“I can wait. I’m not some junkie.” He said stubbornly.

“Things are that bad at home?” I asked and he shrugged, dropping his head in his hands.

“I don’t know. Johannah’s still a raging bitch.” He said and I pulled a chair out.

“And?” I asked and he sighed.

“And I don’t know alright. Daniel’s got a job and mom is never home and I have to take care of the girls. Which I don’t mind. It’s just… I’m so tired and Daniel's there, but he’s always there and…”

“And you’re afraid?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I’d just rather be high than deal with it.” He said and I shook my head.

“I guess I get it.” I said and we sat in silence, the only noise was the occasional groans of Louis as his stomach twisted on itself.

“What’s with the beer box metropolis over there?” Louis asked, his eyes falling on the trash I had yet to take out.

“Liam’s been drinking again.” I whispered, folding in on myself and Louis tsked.

“He hasn’t drank since…”

“I know. Louis I fucking know.” I said and he shook his head.

“It figures.” He said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

“What are you talking about?” I asked and he chuckled.

“Seriously Zayn? Look at Niall. He is the spitting image of _him_. He’s always needing Liam. It’s two-thirty in the morning Zayn… and Liam’s in his room. You think that’s a coincidence?” He said and I clenched my jaw.

“He always comes back to me.” I whispered and he shook his head.

“Well, considering you’re here and Liam’s there… I don’t know how long that’s going to be true.” Louis said and I shook my head.

“No. Liam loves me.” I spoke softly.

“Yeah Zayn, I know.” He whispered before putting his hand on my shoulder.

“But you know how much Liam loves taking care of people, and Niall’s milking that for everything it's worth.” He said and I shook my head.

“He’s not doing it on purpose.” I said and Louis’s eyebrow quirked.

“If you say so Zayn.” He said before dropping his arm and nursing his tea.

“I’m going to bed.” Louis said before dumping his cup in the sink and going upstairs.

 

I swallowed hard as I watched Liam kiss Niall on the head.

“I'll see you later alright?” Liam said and Niall nodded dutifully.

“Zayn will take care of you. And if you need me, just call alright?” He said and Niall nodded again. I got up and went to the sink, staring out the window, trying to control the flare in my chest.

Under no circumstance was I supposed to call Liam while he was out working. The only way I contacted him was if he called me first.

“Bye Zayn. I love you.” Liam said, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“I love you too.” I said and I could feel him smirk against my neck as he swatted me on the butt.

“Those sweats look fuckin’ hot on you.” He said and I nodded.

Part of me wanted to rub it into Niall’s face. I was the one that Liam was looking at. It was my ass that had Liam going. Not his little prepubescent body. It was me.

I was the one that Liam wanted.

“Take care of Niall alright?” He said and my throat tightened as the smirk left my face.

 “If everything goes well with him, I might consider letting you have me tonight.” He said and I nodded.

Of course our sex life depended on him.

“Bye Niall, bye Zayn.” He said after breaking away from me. He left the house and I went to clean off the table.

I grabbed Niall’s plate and forcefully threw it in the sink.

“Are you okay, Zayn?” He asked and I could feel a pit of anger building in me.

“I’m fine. Don’t you have homework to do or something?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No, I just… I was hoping we could hang out today. Like watch TV together or something.” He said, his face hopeful and I shook my head.

“No thank you.” I said, scrubbing at the dishes so hard I thought they would break.

 

I laid in Liam and I’s bed until I had to get up to make dinner.

“Hey Zayn, are you feeling better?” Niall asked and I took a deep breath.

“I figured that’s why you didn’t want to hang out with me.” He said, sitting at the table and I shook my head.

“Yep. That’s why.” I said before going to the fridge.

“Do you want some help?” He asked and I sighed.

“Sure.” I said.

“Cool.” He said, enthusiasm lighting up his face.

No matter how much I hated it, Liam would be so mad at me if I kept making Niall upset.

“My mom, she never really let me help cook. She said it was a woman’s job, only sissies tried to cook.” He said, his face scrunched up contemplatively as I began to stir the tomato sauce.

“My mother told me that I should have been born a girl, would have stopped all the trouble.” I said and he nodded.

“My father said I should have never been born.” I added softly

“I’m sorry.” He whispered and I shrugged.

“It’s not a big deal.” I said, staring intensely as he stirred the noodles.

It was pretty hard to fuck up making noodles.

Liam came in as I began to set the table.

“Look what I’ve got!” He yelled and I stretched to see what was behind his back.

“What is it?” I asked and he smiled before pulling out a guitar case.

“Oh my god. Is that for me?” Niall asked and I felt my heart drop.

“Sure is, I know you like to play, so why not?” He asked.

I didn’t even know Niall played an instrument.

“Did you get me something?” I asked meekly and he shrugged.

“Not this time honey. Not everything can be about you.” He said and I nodded.

“Of course. You’re right.” I said and he smiled, kissing me on the cheek.


	20. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for child abuse, rape, and drug use. Stay safe lovelies.

Louis

I flopped down on the couch with a sigh as I flung my hands over my eye.

“Hey,” I looked up to see Daniel leaning against the side of the couch.

“Hey.” I said simply and he brushed his hand against my forehead.

“You didn’t come home last night.” He said simply and I shrugged.

“I was at a friend’s.” I said and he nodded.

“Your mom hasn’t been home has she?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Well that makes two of you.” Daniel said with a sigh and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” I offered and he nodded.

“It’s fine. I’m sure she just got a little drunk and decided to stay with Denise or something.” He said and I nodded.

“Yeah, maybe.” I said with a sigh.

“Mommy!” I looked up to see Phoebe standing at the door.

She jumped into my lap and I rocked her.

“Mommy.” She whispered and I shook my head.

“Mommy isn’t here.” I whispered and she buried her head into my chest.

“No. Mommy.” She whispered again and I sighed.

“I'll go put her back to bed.” I whispered and Daniel nodded.

I tucked Phoebe back in and she held onto my neck.

“Don’t leave yet.” She said and I sighed before lying down next to her.

“Alright phoebs, I’m right here.”  I whispered, smoothing her hair down until she fell asleep.

“Hey, She asleep?” I looked up to see Daniel, he still was dressed, but was loosening his tie.

“Yeah, now she is.” I untangled myself from the little girls hold and made my way out of the bed.

“Are you hungry? I could make you something.” I offered and he shrugged.

We ended up making TV dinners and sitting in front of the television.

“It’s real world time.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“I can’t believe you watch that crap.” He said and I shook my head.

“This show is great and someone always ends up crying on a patio. Every season it’s some new muscular hottie.” I said with a laugh before looking up at Daniel.

“I mean…” I began and he shook his head.

“Louis, I don’t have a problem with you being the way you are. You know that right?” He said and I nodded into my pasta.

“Yeah, it’s just that the only time it’s brought up is when Jay wants to call me a slut.” I said begrudgingly and he put his hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t take what she says to heart. She’s just picking.” He said and I shook my head.

“No, it’s the truth… I’m a slut.” I said and he shook his head.

“No you’re not. You’re not a slut.” He said and I sighed.

“Yeah well, you don’t know me that well.” I said and he grabbed my chin.

“I do know you. I know you’re a good kid. There is nothing wrong with you.” He said and I leaned in, connecting our lips.

His hands found my chest as I pressed forward. His lips moved with mine and I sighed into the kiss.

He pushed me away and I plopped down onto the couch.

“Louis…” He breathed, his eyes wide.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so freaking sorry. Please don’t tell my mom. Please.” I begged and he ran his thumb over his lips.

“Louis… that shouldn’t have happened. You can’t kiss me Louis.” He said and I nodded.

“I know. Alright. I fucking know.” I said. I could feel tears pricking my eyes and I ran my hands through my hair.

“Louis, we can talk about this.” He said carefully and I shook my head.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m a fucking slut.” I said, pulling on my hair and he put his hand on my knee.

“Louis, come on.”

“Don’t fucking touch me.” I said, kicking at him. He backed up and I ran upstairs.

“Louis, come on, what are you doing. Just calm down. It’s not that big of a deal.” He said and I went through the room, throwing around my stuffed animals until I found a small baggie.

“What are you doing? Louis, please… just come out here and talk to me.” He said and I hugged the baggie to my chest.

“Leave me alone.” I whispered and he sighed.

“I’m going to my room. If you want to talk, that’s where I'll be.” He said and I shook my head. He waited for my response for a while before leaving the room.

_“Baby doll. Why are you crying?” He asked and I sniffled, pushing my shaggy hair across my forehead._

_“I’ve ruined my undies.” I whimpered and he smiled, his hand swiping across my thigh._

_“I think they’re fantastic.” He whispered, his thumb caressing the side of my leg and up to the bloodstain on the seat of my pants._

_“But, it hurts.” I whimpered and his face hardened._

_“You shouldn’t be such a tease Babydoll. You drove daddy to this. Always flaunting around me. You wanted this.” He said, his voice softly lilting._

_“I didn’t want this.” I whispered and he smacked me. I held my cheek and he grabbed my face._

_“You wanted this. You teased me. This is what happens when you tease.”_

I scrambled to find a lighter before pouring the powder onto a spoon. I would snort it, but I needed it to work fast.

_“What the hell is going on here?” I looked up to see my mother standing at the door._

_“Honey, I can explain.” He began and my mom turned on me._

_I pulled the sheet up to my chest, trying to keep her eyes away from me._

_“Get out of that bed Louis.” She said and I shook my head._

_“Now.” She said in her I-mean-business voice and I nodded, quickly getting out of the bed._

_“You should leave.” She said to the man._

_“Jay, baby.” He began and she shook her head._

_“Get the fuck out of my house.” She yelled and I flinched. He shook his head but quickly left. She collapsed on the bed, her head in her hands. She was sniffling like she was crying._

_“Mama, Don’t cry. Mama please don’t cry.” I whispered, petting her head softly._

_“Mama, I’m sorry. Pleas-”_

_“You’re sorry? Damn right you’re sorry. He was mine first!” She yelled and I flinched._

_“Ma-”  
“Don’t Mama me. You stole him from me Louis. You knew how much I loved him. I can never be happy can I? Every time I have any ounce of happiness, you have to slip in and steal it. That’s why your father left us. It’s always fucking you. God you’re such a slut!” She yelled, slapping me._

_I choked on a sob and she closed her eyes._

_“Mama…” I croaked and she clenched her teeth._

_“Just… just clean this mess up. And go shower. You smell like cum.” She said before walking out of the room._

 I stuck the needle in between my toes and put a hand over my mouth to keep from sobbing.

Soon I was too high to even care about what happened as I laid back on my bed.


	21. Zayn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Domestic violence trigger. Be careful

Zayn

I rubbed my hands over my face tiredly as I watched Niall stare at his math homework blankly.

“Still don’t get it?” I asked and he shrugged.

He sneezed and I sighed before pulling a paper towel off of the roll.

“Wipe your face, and sneeze into your elbow.” I said with disgust and he nodded with a chuckle.

“Sorry.” He said before going back to his homework.

“Do you want help?” Niall asked after a minute and I shook my head.

“No, I’m fine.” I said before setting down a plate of snacks in front of Niall.

“Thanks.” He said with a smile and I nodded.

“Is everything okay?” He asked and I nodded.

“I mean, between us?” He tried again and I nodded again.

“Everything is dandy.” I said and he nodded.

He slammed his book closed after a while and stood up to put his plate in the sink.

“I’ve got it.” I said, grabbing its edge and he shook his head.

“No, let me.” He said and I shook my head.

“It’s my job to take care of the house and you, Niall. Let me take your plate.” I said and he shook his head again.

“I wanna help.”

“I don’t need your help.” I said and he dropped the dish into the sink, the water splashing out at me.

I jumped back as my shirt got soaked and he sneezed into his elbow as he tried to cover his giggling.

“You think this is funny?” I asked, holding my shirt out from my body.

“A little.” He said.

“A little? A little.” I asked before picking up a cup of water and dumping it on his head.

He shrieked before grabbing a tumbler and filling it with water.

“it’s on.” He declared.

“So on!” I yelled, grabbing a cup to defend myself with.

He flung his water at me and I dodged it, going for the water nozzle. He grabbed the dish detergent and began to squeeze it out at me as I sprayed him. I eventually got close enough so I could take the detergent away and I had to drop the nozzle as I grabbed him in a hug from behind.

“Put.me.down.” he struggled out in between sneezes and I complied with a laugh.

He struggled to stay upright as he held on to the counter edge.

“It’s really slippery.” He said with a laugh and I nodded as my feet threatened to fly from under me.

“Niall! Zayn!”

My laughter cut off quick as I heard Liam come through the door.

“Hey g- what happened in here?” He asked and I swallowed thickly.

“We got into a little water fight.” I said and he nodded, rubbing his jaw with a chuckle.

“So, I come home from a hard day’s work to find that you’ve trashed my kitchen?” He said and I glanced over at Niall.

“We… we didn’t mean to. Niall and I-” I began and he shook his head.

“Go upstairs Niall.” Liam said and Niall stiffened.

“Liam… I can clean it up” I begged.

“I'll help. I started it.” Niall said.

“Go upstairs Niall. Now.” Liam said, his voice strained and Niall shot me a glance before clambering upstairs. I backed into the counter and he crowded in on me.

“What gives you the fucking right to trash my kitchen?” He asked, pushing my chest hard.

I felt the air rush out of my lungs as I hit the counter forcibly.

“I’m sorry… I'll clean it up. I swear.” I plead and he shook his head. He twisted his hands into the hair of the back of my head and turned me towards the basin.

“You think its fun playing with water?” He asked, his hand coming to sink to pull the dishes out of it.

“No, Liam please.” I begged and he plugged the basin before running water.

“No! You’re going to learn Zayn.” He said before turning off the water and pushing me until my nose barely touched the water.

“Please please please.” I begged and he shook his head.

“You should have been saving that air.” He said before shoving my head into the water.

I thrashed in his arms as I tried to get out of the water.

“Please stop!” I cried once he brought me up for air. He ignored me, instead dunking my head back into the basin.

“I’m sorry!” I begged and he pushed my head back in, this time for a little longer.

“Please Liam… I can’t…breathe!” I sputtered out and he dunked my head back under, this time holding on firmly with both hands.

I felt water seep into my nose and down my throat.

I tried to hold my breath but it felt as if he wasn’t going to let me back up for air.

My chest tightened and I finally gave in, the water filling my lungs.

He pulled me back up and I sputtered, expelling water from my lungs.

“Oh God. Oh God” I said, clawing at his clothing as I clung to him, fear shaking me and water dripping onto the floor loudly.

“You’re okay.” He whispered, his hands smoothing down my hair. I buried my head in his shirt as I sobbed.

“Shh… It’s okay.” soothed and I whimpered into his clothes until I was drowning in him.

_“Hey Zayn, you wanna come with us?” I looked up to see my cousin, Jawaad, and his best friend Aaron standing at the back door._

_“Yeah, let me tell my mom.” I said first before running to the living room._

_“Mom, I’m going to hang out with Jawaad.” I said and she nodded._

_“Just be careful.” She said and I nodded before bounding out the door after them._

_They walked in front of me and I stuffed my hands into my pocket._

_“You know who’s hot? Perrie. Have you seen her boobs?” Aaron said and Jawaad elbowed him._

_“What do you think Zayn?” Jawaad asked and I shrugged._

_“I guess, I mean… she’s not my type.” I said and Jawaad laughed._

_“What is your type?” He asked and I shrugged._

_“I dunno. Dark hair, brown eyes…Sporty”_

_“That’s so bland. God, you are your mother’s daughter.” He said and I shook my head._

_“No I’m not.” I said, crossing my arms and Aaron leaned into my side._

_“You know… that sounds familiar… It sounds like me.” Aaron whispered and my face turned pink._

_“That’s n-n-not true. It’s not you. It’s Jade… you know, the one that Perrie hangs out with all the time.” I said and he shook his head._

_“That’s not true Zayn. It’s me' isn’t it. You wanna kiss me don’t you.” Aaron whispered in my ear and I could feel my heartbeat racing._

_“n-n-no.” I muttered out._

_“What the hell are you two whispering about?” Jawaad asked and I shook my head._

_“Nothing.” I whispered and Jawaad shoved me._

_“Be careful dude.” Aaron said and Jawaad shook his head before shoving me again._

_“Come on, fight back Zayn.” Jawaad said and I struggled to keep my footing._

_“Dude, calm down.”  Aaron said and Jawaad laughed._

_“We’re just playing. Right Zayn?” He said before pushing me again. I tripped back and fell into the creek._

_“Help… please… I.. can’t….swim.” I said as I tried to keep myself from drowning and I heard a splash as someone else dropped in after me. I felt the panic swell through my chest as I realized that the person who jumped in was holding me down in the water._

_“Come on, swim fag.” I heard Jawaad taunt as I broke the surface before he pushed me back under._


	22. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. There is some non-consensual touching that is packaging itself as dubious consent. Please be careful.

Harry

I stared down at my watch before looking into the cafeteria.

Niall was late to meet me for lunch.

I pulled out my phone, looking around warily for Max and his cavemen. I hated getting surprised by them.

“Hello?” Niall answered, his voice nasally.

“Hey! Where are you?” I asked, speaking quietly into the receiver.

“Imb sick.” He said before sneezing.

“oh… get well soon.” I said before hanging up.

I was going to be alone for lunch again.

Which meant I was going to have to resort to eating in the bathroom like Mean Girls.

 _When would my makeover and hunky boyfriend show up?_ I thought begrudgingly before shaking my head.

I couldn’t think about having a boyfriend.

I turned the corner and made my way to the training room.

It’d be easier to hide out here.

I pulled out my journal and began to write some words that had been swirling in my brain.

 

Calloused fingers and piercing gray eyes.

You burn into my soul and leave your marks like tattoos.

I’ve never wanted the inferno so much.

I’ve never wanted to be completely decimated.          

 

I frowned at the words, trying to find a way to rearrange them when I heard someone clear their throat.

My eyes quickly flew up and my eyes widened.

“Hey fag.” Max said, leaning above me, one hand propping him up from the wall.

“H-h-hey Max.” I gulped and he smirked.

“What you writing in that book fag? A love poem?” He asked and I shook my head, clasping the book to my heart.  
“Come on, let me see. I won’t pick on you.” He said, grabbing for the book and I pulled away, hugging it to my chest.

He grabbed me by my collar and pulled me up the wall.

“Come on… I’ve been nice. It’s the least you could do.” He said and I shook my head.

He shoved me against a table, his hands pressing me into it and I clamped my eyes closed as my book flew from my hands and across the room.

I felt my face flush and my eyes widened in mortification when I felt him push closer to me.

I could feel my boner pushing into his hip.

“You get off on this don’t you fag?” He said and I shook my head, trying to will it away.

He shoved his leg between my knee and I closed my eyes as I let out a ragged breath.

“You getting off on me? You like it when I’m rough with you gay boy?” He said and I shook my head.

“Don’t lie fag. Don’t fucking lie.” He said, shoving his hand down between us and my hips bucked awkwardly into his hand.

“Please Max.” I whimpered and he smirked, his hands rubbing me quickly.  
“Right there?” he breathed into my ear and I nodded.

I laid my head on his shoulder as my breath left me quickly.

“Come on.” He urged as my hips bucked into him.

My glasses began to fog up and I felt my toes lift from inside my tennis shoes.

My hips stuttered, hitting his hand as I released in my pants.

I felt tears slip down my face as I breathed heavily against his shoulder.

“Was it good?” He whispered and I nodded feebly.

“I knew it Fag. I knew it.” He said, and I tensed.

“I’m sorry.” I whimpered as he pushed me down.

“You’re fucking sick, Styles.” He said before reeling back and punching me in the face.

My glasses slid across the floor and he shook his head before walking out.

I grabbed my glasses and my journal before gathering my books and limping to Mike’s classroom.

“Take me home.” I whispered and he looked up from his laptop.

“What are you talking about?” He asked with a sigh.

“Take me home please.” I begged and he shook his head.

“I can’t take you home. I’ve got a class to teach.”

“Please Mike.” I begged and he sighed.

“Fine. But I’m not staying with you.” He said and I nodded. He locked up his classroom before taking me out to the car.

I got in and we rode in silence before he dropped me off in front of the house.

“I’m not going to do this every day kid. This is a one-time thing.  I’m not going to drop you off every time you have a hissy fit, so get your shit together.” He said and I nodded.

“Good, I'll see you after school.” He said before speeding away.

I went into the house and turned on the shower before stepping in.

I washed myself through my sobs.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

 

I was awoken from my sleep to hear some commotion downstairs.

I guess Mike and Ashley were home.

I crept to the bottom of the stairs to see him sit her on his lap, a take-out meal in front of them. He was running his hands up and down her sides as she ate.

“Hey.” I croaked and he looked back at me.                                           

“Have you been crying?” He asked and I shrugged, crossing my arms over my chest.

I played with my long sleeves.

My arms were red after I tried to dig through them. Apparently all of my razors had been disposed of while I was in the hospital.

“Did you bring me anything?” I asked, scratching through my curls and he shook his head.

“No, didn’t think you’d be hungry. But you can have the white rice if you want.” He said, going through the bag and pulling out the small box.

“Thanks.” I whispered, feeling truly unneeded as I sat on the couch opposite of them.

“Feed me Mike.” Ashley demanded and he nodded before picking up her fork and gently feeding her, his other hand resting on her stomach.

“Thank you Sir Mike.” She said before smacking a kiss on his cheek and he nuzzled his head into her hair.

“Mike, stop. You’re messing up my Tiara.” She pouted and I rolled my eyes before standing up.

“Going to jack off?” Mike asked and I scrunched up my face.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked and he put Ashley down.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been eyeing me. Harry, that’s gross.” He said, his hand on my shoulder and I pushed him off of me.

“Ew Jackass. I was looking at you because you were getting sweet and sour sauce all over mom’s couch. Don’t flatter yourself.” I said and he plopped down on the couch.

“Whatever you say kid. I’m damn sexy.” He said, running his hand up his chest.

“Scuse me while I go barf.” I said and he laughed.

“I would make you gag.” He yelled as I made my way up the stairs.

“You’re so fucking sick!” I yelled back to him.

“What would make Harry Gag Mike? Is he eating a lollipop too fast? And who’s jack?” She asked and I heard Mike laugh before she squealed.

They were so fucking annoying.


	23. Liam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers abound. There is some bad touch, some rape, and dubious consent between Liam and Zayn. Stay safe.

Liam

I sighed, hearing Niall coughing from the other room.

“I’m going to go check on him alright?” I said and Zayn nodded meekly.

I pulled the covers off of me and walked over to Niall’s room.

“You okay bud?” I asked from the door and he shrieked.

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay, it’s just me.” I said, stepping into the room and sitting by his bedside.

“Sorry, you just looked like…Sorry.” He said looking down and I nodded.

“You need some more medicine?” I asked and he shrugged before sneezing into his elbow.   
“I'll be back.” I said before padding to the bathroom and grabbing the cough medicine. I brought it back to his room and gave him some.

“Alright, I'll see you later. I'll send Zayn back to give you some more medicine later.” I said and he shook his head.

“Stay with me Liam? You’ll keep me safe, keep him from coming to get me right? You’ll protect me?” He asked meekly and I sighed, raking my hands through my hair.

“I'll keep you safe.” I whispered before peeling his sheets back. I snuggled in next to him and he sighed.

“Thank you.” He whispered, his chest still congested. I ran my hands through his hair and he snuggled closer to me.

“Will you sing to me?” He asked and I shrugged before humming some vaguely familiar song. My mother used to sing it to me when I was a kid.

He sighed and snuggled into his blankets.

The room fell to a quiet hush as my singing reverberated off the walls.

I scooted closer to him to keep myself from falling off the bed.

It was a twin.

“Rub my tummy?” Niall asked and I took a deep breath.

“Sure _Pal._ ” I said through my teeth before putting my hand on his stomach and rubbing in small circles. He sighed and I closed my eyes as I bit into my lip.

“Under my shirt Liam.” Niall groaned and I felt my blood rush as I lifted his shirt and placed my palm against his white flesh. My whole hand could almost cover his lower stomach. He was really small for his age.

I swallowed as he sighed in contentment.

_You’re fucking sick, you’re getting hard off of this aren’t you?_

I shook my head but couldn’t contain myself as his breathing evened out.  My hands slowed down and I let my fingernails scrape against his pale skin.

_Mark him, that’s right._

 I shifted so I could watch his skin turn from white to red and back to white.

He let out a breath in his sleep and I felt myself harden even further.

_He’s so small_

I shook my head before laying it on his shoulder. I felt my hips shift forward into his and I let out a whine.

It felt so good.

My pinkie drifted past his belly button before getting caught under his waistband and I felt my heart quicken.

He didn’t have a happy trail yet.

I slipped my hand down my own pants and closed my eyes as I stroked myself quickly.

_Just ruin him like you want to sicko. You know you want to_

I shook my head as I bit the pillow next to his head before I came with a muffled grunt in my boxers.

_Are you happy now?_

I untangled myself from him and slid out of his bed, shame wilting my chest.

I was a fucking monster.

_You’re so fucking sick. Little kids get you hot. You’re not a man._

“I’m a man.” I whimpered, pulling my hair.

_You’re less than a man. Everyone knows._

“I’m not...” I muttered before stumbling into my room.

“Liam, are you crying? What’s wrong” Zayn asked as he went to turn on the bedside table lamp and I pinned him down.

“No! Don’t turn on the light.” I muttered before capturing his lips in mine. I crawled into the bed and pulled my shirt off. I grabbed his shirt and ripped it off of him.

“You’re so skinny.” I whispered, my hands tinkling down his ribs.

_I let my hands trace down his chest, his white skin glittering in the moonlight. I spread my palm over his stomach and sighed in contentment. My hand almost covered his whole tummy._

“Li-” Zayn began.

Don’t talk. Not tonight.” I whispered and he nodded his head.

I pulled his pants off and flung them across the room.

“You’re so pretty angel.” I whispered, peppering kisses over his collarbone as I slid my hands down his side.

“Such a beautiful baby boy.”  I whispered as I removed my pants.

_“You’re so pretty baby boy. So pretty for me.” I whispered, my hands sliding over his blonde hair and he closed his eyes._

_“I’m going to make you feel so good alright? I’m going to take care of you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” I whispered as I slid my lips down the side of his face._

I slid into Zayn, my eyes pinched closed as I took a deep breath.

“I’m going to take care of you.” I whimpered as I thrusted harder, rubbing him to completion.

I opened my eyes to see that Zayn’s were clamped shut, tears leaking down the side of his face as he kept his arms tucked against his chest.

One of my hands flew to the headboard to steady me and the other caressed his face.

_“Come on, let it go. I’m here. I'll keep you safe.” I whispered as I grasped his small member in my hand before stroking gently. I felt him lock up before a shudder ran through him. He orgasmed dry and I smiled, kissing him on the forehead._

_“Good Job Adam.” I murmured against his forehead._

I wiped away his tears, my thumb caressing his too sharp cheekbones.

“Open your eyes. I wanna see my baby boy.” I whispered and Zayn shook his head.

“Come on, let me see.” I whispered and he opened his eyes.

For a. moment I saw blue eyes and it was enough for me to cum.

I rolled off of him and pulled him close to my body.

“Good boy.” I whispered and he tucked his head under my arm.

I could feel him shaking with tears and I rubbed his back until he fell asleep.

_You are so fucking weak_


	24. Niall

Niall

I awoke the next day and peeled the sheet off of my skin.

“Ugh, gross.” I said with a sigh before taking a shower and heading downstairs.

“Hey Zayn.” I said as I walked into the kitchen.

“Good Morning.” He mumbled before limping over to me and pressing his hand against my forehead.

“How are you feeling?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I’m okay. Still a little coughey.” I said and he shook his head with a sigh before pushing me into a seat.

“Here, eat this.” He said, placing some oatmeal in front of me.

Zayn sat down softly opposite me and I corked my eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and he sighed.

“Did you say your grace?” He asked and I rolled my eyes before saying a quick prayer.

“There. What’s wrong? You’ve been walking funny.” I said and he sighed before leaning across the table.

“Liam got a little rough last night, didn’t open me up all the way before he fucked me” He said and my face blanched.

_“Come on, stop squirming.” He said before lining himself up._

_“It’s okay Princess. I’m just giving you what you wanted. You just wanted someone to take you like a big girl. I know you are.” He whispered, tracing his hands down the side of my face before thrusting into me, hard._

“Niall, breathe, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Zayn said, rubbing his hand over my back. I felt myself choking on air and a scream that was croaking out of my throat.

“Come on, honey. You’re safe now. You’re safe here. No one’s going to hurt you, I promise honey.” Zayn whispered and I nodded, putting my hand over my chest as I began to gain my breath back.

When I could finally breathe, I emptied my already empty stomach into the trashcan.

“it’s okay. You’re okay.” He whispered, rubbing my back as I spit out strings of spittle.

“Sorry.” I croaked and he shook his head.

“It’s okay.” He whispered and I looked back at the oatmeal that seemed to have lost all appeal.

 

“Niall! Mail’s here.” I heard Zayn call and I stumbled downstairs.

“Yeah?” I asked and he pulled out a manila folder.

“It’s from your school.” He said and I bit my nails.

“Oh really?” I asked and he thrummed his fingers against the top of his forearm.

“We should wait to open it until Liam gets home.” He said, chewing on the side of his lip.

“Or we could just open it now and pretend it never existed.” I said and he shook his head.

“No, we have to wait.”

“Or not. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s probably just some homework that I should get done. If we wait until Liam gets home, it’ll be a waste of time.” I said and he shook his head.

“If you’re worried about being punished by Liam, you should know that he probably wouldn’t punish you like he punishes me.” I said and I shook my head.

“I’m not worried about that.” I said and Zayn raised an eyebrow.

“Of course you aren’t.” He said through his teeth before tucking the mail under his arm and taking them upstairs.

When Liam walked in, I reluctantly made my way downstairs to dinner.

“What’s this?” Liam asked as Zayn handed him the folder.

“Niall got some mail from the school.” Zayn said, wrapping his arms around Liam’s shoulders.  
I watched as Liam read over the paper and Zayn’s face crumpled into a frown.

“You’re failing your Pre-algebra class.” Liam said and I sighed.

“I’ve been trying, I promise.” I said and he turned towards Zayn.

“I thought that you’ve been helping him with his homework.” He said and Zayn paled.

“I have, but I can’t be there to take the test for him. He failed his first two tests. That isn’t my fault.” Zayn said and Liam shook his head.

“You should have made sure he was ready to take his test. What the hell have you been doing?” Liam growled and Zayn flinched, unwrapping his arms from Liam’s shoulders.

“It’s not Zayn’s fault. I just blank when I get to the test. I get distracted.” I breathed and Liam turned his attention away from Zayn.

“Alright, well you have to get your grades up, just pay attention.” Liam said with a sigh and I nodded before we began to eat.

Later on after dinner, Zayn came into my room, collecting my dirty clothes. I was busy glaring at my Pre-algebra homework.

“It’d probably help if you didn’t glare at it like an idiot.” He said and I sighed, putting down my pencil as I pulled my hair.

“I can’t-”

“I don’t wanna hear it. Just…” He picked up my hamper.

“Don’t try and defend me from Liam.” He said, an edge to his voice as he left the room.

 

“Niall, can you please stay after class?” Mr. Twist asked and I tensed.

The class oohed and he shushed them before continuing with his explanations of mathy stuff.

The bell rung and the class began to file out of the classroom.  
“Niall, come up here please?” He asked and I nodded before shuffling to the front of the classroom, a notebook pressed to my chest.

“I’ve just graded your quiz. The one right before you were out sick. You didn’t even answer any questions.” He said and I shrugged.

“This is my first year here Niall, and you’re a freshman. We have a lot riding on this you know?  But here, I'll give you a deal.” He said and I felt all my breath leave me.

_But here, I'll give you a deal, I won’t rat you out, if you do me a favor.” He whispered, pushing me back onto the bed._

“Niall, are you okay?” He asked, his hands on my shoulder and I nodded shakily.

“Like I was saying, I'll tutor you and if you attend every session, I'll drop these three grades. Alright?” He asked and I nodded before backing away.

I quickly packed up my stuff and he grabbed my shoulder again.

I stiffened and turned slowly.

“You look really familiar. I don’t know what it is.” He said, and my breathing picked up.

“Oh yeah. You hang out with Harry Styles right?” He asked and I nodded before quickly leaving.

Why was he worrying about me hanging out with Harry? I knew Harry wasn’t in his class. He didn’t have math this semester at all.  
Was Harry his next target?


	25. Zayn

Zayn

I sighed, sorting out the laundry. I finally had the house to myself. Liam was off on another job and Niall was at school. Hopefully nowhere near Liam.

 _Jealously isn’t pretty_.

I could hear Louis chiming in my ear right now.

Good thing Louis wasn’t here.

 I picked up a black shirt and looked it over.

It was Liam’s Batman shirt.

It was what he was wearing when we first met.

I smiled to myself as I held the shirt out. It was kind of big now.

“Zayn, what’s that?” Liam asked and I turned around.

“I thought you were at work.” I stuttered and he nodded.

“I was, but we got lunch off and I wanted to come see you. We haven’t had the house to ourselves in a while.” He said and I nodded.

“Yeah, I guess.” I said with a blush.

“Is that my shirt?” He asked and I looked down at the floor.

“Yeah.” I whispered.

“Remember when we first met. I was wearing that.” He said and I nodded. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him and I tried to swat him away.

“Do you remember, I was dancing, at that club.” He reminisced, wrapping his hands around my waist.

“And I was standing on the wall watching.” I whispered.

“So I came up to you, because you were easily the most beautiful boy in the club.” He whispered and I sighed, my head falling to his shoulder.

“And we danced like we were Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, even though I had two left feet and Britney Spears was playing.” I said and he smiled.

“Yeah we did.” He said before easily lifting me up on his toes and moving across the laundry room.

“Come on Liam. I’ve got clothes to wash.” I said meekly and he shook his head.

“I wanna dance with you babe.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“You are such a sap.” I whispered and he smiled.  
“As long as I’m yours, I don’t care.” He said and I looked up into his eyes.

“really?” I asked and he nodded.

“Of course, Zayn.” He said and I looked down at our feet.

It was finally just me. No matter what.

“I love you Liam.” I whispered, my head on his chest.

I leaned up on his toes and kissed him before pulling away.

“I should really finish this load.” I said and he shook his head, pulling me up on his waist.

“Nope, we’re going upstairs.” He drawled in my ear.

“Liam, you’ve got to go back to work.”

“I’ve got an hour.” He said and I laughed as we raced upstairs.

For once the ever present shaking in my limbs had quieted.

\---

Liam smacked me on the butt as he left the room. I laughed and shook my head before gathering the sheets around me. I pulled on some underwear and some sweatpants before grabbing his underwear off of the floor and mine off of the lamp. I rolled the garments over my forearms.

I limped downstairs and piled the clothes in an empty hamper and began to pick up the clothes that i was preoccupied with before Liam came home.

I could hear the shower running upstairs.

That meant I had to wash in cold water.

Dark Clothes it is.

I picked up his batman shirt and threw it into the washing machine.

I began to pile Liam’s jeans into the washing machine when a pair of underwear slipped out.

I picked them up, ready to pile them in with the red clothes when I stopped myself.

There was dried cum in the crotch.

That was the night we had sex.

I dug through Niall’s clothes until I found the pajama pants that he had been wearing that night. They were his blue flannel pants. I fished the underwear out of them and looked in the crotch.

There was dried cum in the crotch of these too.

 I dropped them, feeling my heart sink to my toes.

It’s just a coincidence.

No it wasn’t.

Why would I even try to fool myself?

He wanted Niall. And why wouldn’t he?

_Jealousy isn’t Pretty_

Well neither was tan skin and brown eyes.

Neither was I.

I gripped my fist as I heard Liam running down the stairs.

“I’m leaving. See you tonight.” He yelled as he left the house.

I fished through my pocket before pulling out my cigarettes. I lit one and pressed it into my forearm until it burned down to the filter and I was empty.


	26. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has flashbacks of previous child sexual abuse, dubious consent from a minor, and physical violence that isn't so consensual. Please be wary when reading. This could trigger. Stay safe lovelies.

Louis

“Louis?” I heard a soft knock on my door and I sighed.

“Yes Daniel?” I asked cordially.

“Do you want to come watch TV in the living room with me?” He asked and I wrapped my arms around myself.

“She’s out. Again.” He said, trying to smile.

It was a fail.

“Uh, no thank you.” I said and he sighed.

“Well the girls are getting hungry.” He said and I nodded.

“I'll be right on it.” I said and he put his hand on my shoulder.

“I was actually thinking we could go out for dinner tonight.” He said and I shook my head.

“I don’t have the money, and the girls are very picky.” I began.

“I'll pay. I got paid today and we haven’t actually gone out in a while. Your mom’s out having fun, why not us?” He asked and I shrugged.

Because I always had fun with my mom’s boyfriends, and she always got mad at me.

“Great. Get dressed.” He said and I nodded.

I quickly threw on a pair of slacks and a button up shirt before looking in the mirror. I twisted around to see my ass.

I was getting skinnier, but there was one thing that wasn’t shrinking.

I walked out of my room right as Daniel was slipping Daisy’s left shoe on.

“Wow Lou, you look good.” He said and I looked down.

“Do I really? Is this too dressy?” I asked before twisting to look at my butt.

“No, you look- nice. Those slacks definitely work for you.” He said, swallowing.

“You should see me in a dress.” I said with a wink and he shook his head.

“You sure are something.” He said before grabbing Daisy.

Phoebe hopped into my arms and I nodded towards the door.

“Ready to go?” I asked and he nodded before following me.

 

“I’m sorry about my mom.” I said as I laid Daisy in her bed. Daniel did the same for Phoebe.

“She’s just getting the partying out of her system before the wedding.” He said and I shrugged.

“Maybe.” I said and he shook his head.

“Uh, can we talk about the other day?” He asked and I looked down.

“What’s to talk about? I obviously read something wrong and I kissed you. No big deal, I’m a slut, it’s what I do.” I said and he shook his head.

“Don’t say that Louis. Look. You’re a great kid-”

“That’s never stopped them before.” I said bitterly before my face turned pink.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing.” I said and he turned me around.

“That’s never stopped who Louis?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Other people.” I said and he ran his hands through his hair.

“Has someone raped you?” He asked and I chuckled.

“I never got anything I didn’t want. And stop that alright? Stop being nice and pretending like you care.” I said through my teeth.

“I’m not pretending. I care about you kid. I really do. Hell, I like you, sometimes more than your mom.” He hissed.

“Yeah, just… not enough. And I get it. I get attached and I see things that aren’t there. Just, you can’t be nice to people like me. I'll take it the wrong way. I always take it the wrong way.” I said.

“What does that mean?” He asked and I shook my head.

“just don’t worry about it.” I said before running down the stairs.

“Louis, where are you going?” He asked and I pulled my jacket on.

“Out.” I said before slamming the door behind me.

I huddled the jean jacket close to my skin.

It was nearing October, getting colder.

I rubbed my nose before knocking on Nick’s door.

“Hey, long time no see.” He whispered and I nodded.  
“I’ve been a bad boy. I think I need some punishment.” I drawled and he smirked before letting me in.

_I stared at Mitchell from behind the couch. He was watching a football game._

_I went back to the kitchen and sighed, tapping my fingers against the counter space. My mom hadn’t been back yet. I nodded before taking a glass and filling it with juice. I took a deep breath and swatted the glass so that it fell to the ground with a shatter._

_“Shit Louis! What was that?” He asked as he rushed in and I gasped, crawling onto the barstool to protect my feet._

_“I… I dropped my juice.” I whispered and he shook his head._

_“Jesus Lou.” He said and I sighed, looking down at the juice._

_“I’m stuck. Can you help me Daddy?” I asked and he smirked._

_“I’ve got you baby boy.” He said as he stepped on the glass, his boots crunching it as he picked me up._

_He sat me down on the couch before going to clean up the kitchen. He came back a couple of minutes later before sitting down on the couch. He looked over at me and squinted._

_“Are you wearing a dress?” He asked and I turned around, looking back at him._

_“Yeah, does it make me look pretty?” I asked and he put his hand over his face._

_“Oh my God, Louis.” He sighed and I bit my lip._

_“What’s wrong? Have I been a bad boy? Do I need to be punished?” I drawled and he opened his eyes, they were almost all black._

_“Yeah…. Yeah you do.” He said, licking his lips._

“Harder Daddy. Harder! I’ve been really bad.” I yelled and he slapped me again.

“Harder. I want you to hurt me.” I muttered and he stopped.

“Louis… are you okay?” He asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t fucking ask if I’m okay.” I said and he sighed before throwing me onto the bed.

“Did I say you could talk?” He yelled and I closed my eyes as he pulled my pants off and thrusted into me without prepping me.

I screamed out and he chuckled.

 

I limped upstairs and crawled into my bed.

“Louis, you’re home?” Daniel asked, standing at my door and I nodded.

“Come on, come here.” He said, picking me up off of my bed and laying me down gently in my mom’s bed.

“Who hit you?” He asked and I shook my head.

I never got anything I didn’t want.


	27. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There a lot's of homophobic remarks in this. Also bullying, dubious consent issues, and fleeting mentions of suicide.

Harry

“Honey?” I looked up as my mom turned on my light.

“Harry, is that a black eye?” She asked, sitting down next to me and I nodded.

“What happened?” She asked and I shook my head.

“I uh- I walked into a wall. I was cleaning my glasses and I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I croaked and she sighed.

“Honey, you’ve got to be more careful.” She whispered and I nodded.

There was no way she believed that shit story. I wonder if she were advising me to be more careful with my gayness. Maybe if I weren’t so gay, Max wouldn’t torture me.

“I will be. I promise.” I whispered and she nodded.

“I’m going to bed now. I'll see you tomorrow.” She said with a meaningful look and I nodded.

I wasn’t offing myself tonight.

I pulled myself out of bed, and sighed, grabbing my journal. I read over the journal from two day’s ago.

“Yesterday was horrific. Niall wasn’t at school today. We’d had lunch together since he’d been here and it was nice to see that the bullying was letting up. Of course, when Niall’s not here, it just gets bad. Max cornered me in the training room. I’ve been thinking about things like this for a while. About being touched…I hate how much I love those fantasies…Max pushed me against the table and then he put his hands on my dick and he rubbed me until I came. It was amazing. He was so sweet… Well as sweet as he can be. But as soon as I was done, he hit me again. I’m so confused. Why am I so stupid? Why do I feel the way I do about him?”

I sighed before flipping to another page.

“Last night’s dream was bizarre. What does dreaming about horses mean?” I wrote and Mike knocked on the door.

“Time for school… What happened to your face?” He asked and I shrugged. How did no one in my family notice.

“Door.” I said nonchalantly.

“Loser.” He bit back and I rolled my eyes.

I pulled on my sweat pants and pulled on a t-shirt.

“You look fantastic. Like a million bucks.” Mike said sarcastically and I shrugged.

“Yeah well.” I said back, unable to come up with a sarcastic remark.

It felt too hard.

 

“Harry!” I looked up to see Niall, smiling at me from down the hall.

“Hey Niall.” I said with a wave.

We went to eat in our little corner, forgotten about by Max.

 

The next day I watched Niall trudge towards me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I’ve got mandatory tutoring afterschool now. This really sucks.” He said and I patted him on the back.

“I’m sorry.” I said and he shook his head.

“It’s okay. I’m going to go get Lunch. Zayn was too tired to pack my lunch.” He said and I nodded before he left me. I looked down to my journal, flipping through the pages.

“What’s this, boys? Fag’s writing in his diary.” He said, pulling the book from my hands.

“Come on. Max please give it back.” I said and he nodded.

“I will. After I read it.” He said before opening it up.

“Water, blah blah blah, I wanna die, fag fag fag… Ooh. Look at this, boys. This looks like something interesting. ‘Yesterday was horrific .Niall wasn’t at school today’… Did you miss your little boyfriend? What else… Is that my name? Now Harry, I’m flattered. Guys, listen to this ‘I’ve been thinking about things like this for a while. About being touched…I hate how much I love those fantasies…Max pushed me against the table and then he put his hands’” He stopped abruptly and looked up at me.

“What does it say?” One of his friends asked and Max grabbed me by my collar.

“What are we going to do to the fag?” His other friend asked and he turned on them.

“Nothing. I want to do this. Alone.” He said and I felt the blood drain out of my face.

Where was Niall?

If I just screamed, maybe he’d come.

Max grabbed my stuff and pushed it into my chest before pushing me away from Niall and my safety.

He pushed me into the empty spirit gear stand and I gulped as he closed the door before turning on me, anger in his eyes.

“I’m not like you Fag.” He spat and I nodded.

“I know ma-”

“Shut up!” He yelled and I nodded.

“I don’t get hard looking at other dudes got it? I’m not a fag.” He yelled and I nodded.

“Okay.” I whispered and he grabbed my collar, pushing me against a wall. His eyes searched mine and he crowded me in.

“I’m not like you Harry.” He whispered before kissing me hard.

He removed my glasses and sat them on top of the counter before his hands began to roam my chest.

I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.

This doesn’t happen to me.

He pulled my shirt up, his hands rubbing at my skin.

I closed my eyes as his hands ghosted over my fourth nipple.

“Four? Interesting.” He murmured into my lips and I felt myself get hard.

My hips bucked against his and I once again found myself getting off on his hand.

I felt a groan get stuck in my throat as I came and I laid my hand on his shoulder.

He took a couple of deep breaths against my neck before pushing me down.

I hit my head off the counter and he looked angrier than he did before.

“You fucking fag.” He spat before punching me in the stomach.

 I curled in on myself and he grabbed my backpack, dumping it out on top of me.

He threw the bag at me and slammed the door, leaving me in the dark.

I cried into my knees, willing the pain to go away.

 

“Harry, what’s wrong?” Nick asked as I stepped onto his doorstep.

“Nothing, just some boys teasing me.” I said, limping into the house.

“come in, No one’s home right? I'll fix you up.” He said and I shook my head.

“I just want a shower Nick.” I said and he shook his head.

“You can shower here.” He said and I sighed before hobbling upstairs.

I showered, picking at the new angry red marks I had from scratching at my wrists before going downstairs.

“Those boys are idiots if they pick on you.” He said and I shrugged.

“I’m just going to do my homework.” I said, moving to the opposite edge of the couch.


	28. Niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I'm uploading two chapters because it's so late.

Niall

I groaned, my head thumping against the back of my desk. I wish I were adventurous enough to sit at the back of the class. But I wasn’t. I had promised Liam and Zayn I’d pay attention and that was what I was going to, so help me.

I looked down at my notes, blank as usual. I bit my cuticle before looking at the kid next to me. I tried to copy their notes, trying to shake the distraction from my head.

Normally my distraction was the teacher but I couldn’t help but think how Harry just left me.

Why would he do that?

He didn’t even wait for me to get my lunch.

I looked back up as Mr. Twist began to talk.

“Your homework tonight will be pages 286-289 numbers 20-42.” The class groaned and he rolled his eyes.

“Here, I'll give you a break. Since I know that you’re going to cheat anyway, even’s only.” He said and the class groaned again, but it wasn’t as loud.

“Thanks Mr. Twist.” Someone said as the bell rang.

I got up and tried to lose myself in the crowd. If he didn’t notice me leaving, I could pretend that I forgot.

“Where are you going, Mr. Horan?” He asked and I stopped before turning quickly.

“Nowhere.” I muttered and he nodded.

“Alright, come sit at my desk. I want to see your notes.” He said and I groaned before sitting opposite him.

I could feel my skin crawling.

“Niall, you didn’t fill this out.” He said and I clenched my teeth.  
“I tried, I got distracted.” I said and he groaned.

“You’ve got to pay attention. Here, take these and copy them down.” He said and I sighed.

“Can’t you just give me a copy of your notes?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.

“Would you like me to give you the answers to the test too?” He asked and I shrugged.

“It could help. Then I would pass, we could cancel these sessions and everyone’s happy.”  I said and he rolled his eyes.

“Focus.” He said and I sighed, copying the notes.   
I tried not to tense up every time he left my sights as he walked around the room, tidying bookshelves and filing folders.

“You know, you remind me of something, and I can’t place it.” He said and I felt myself tense.

“The hair. That’s what’s so familiar.” He said and I sucked in a breath.

“You and my little sister have the same color hair.” He said and I nodded.

“Here’s a picture.” He said, pulling out a framed picture.

What a weirdo.

“Cool.” I said before looking down at the notes.

“She’s my favorite. I have another sister and a brother, but Ashley’s my favorite by far. She’s so cute ya know…. And she’s so funny. It’ll be like she’ll be super cute and like try and wear mom’s heels. She acts like she’s grown.” He said with a laugh and I raised my eyebrow.

I bet he didn’t remember doing me in his favorite’s bedroom.

“Can we get back to math?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Yeah no, sorry. Alright, let’s see; let’s look at Graphing Linear equations using the slope and y-intercept.” He said and I looked back down at the sheet of paper.

 

“Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.” He said and I nodded before leaving the room.

“Hey Niall.” Liam was at the front entrance of the gate.

“You didn’t have to pick me up. I was going to walk.” I said and he shook his head.

“You’d have to cut through the woods; that is too dangerous. Besides, as your parent in absentia it’s my duty to protect you.” He said and I nodded before getting into the car.

I don’t ever remember a time when I’d even seen this car.

We drove home and I got out of the car, rushing to the door.

“Zayn, Niall and I are home!” Liam yelled and Zayn walked out of the kitchen, his hands shaking really bad.

He had a new, nasty looking burn on his forearm.

“Where have you guys been? I’ve been worried sick.” He said and Liam shrugged off his jacket.

“I picked up Niall at school. He had tutoring.” Liam said.

“Well dinner’s ready.” Zayn said and I dropped my backpack on the ground in the foyer.

“No! Pick up your backpack and take it upstairs.” Zayn said, his voice hard and I nodded before grabbing my backpack.

“jeez, I’m sorry.” I said before trekking upstairs and putting my backpack on my bed.

I jogged back downstairs to sit at my spot at the table.

“You don’t have to yell at him like that.” Liam said and Zayn clenched his hand around the saucepan.

“He can’t just leave his stuff downstairs. If he does he’ll forget his homework.” He said before thumping the saucepan on the table hard.

I guess the pan was heavy.

 

 

 


	29. Louis

Louis

I opened my eyes and sighed, I was alone again.

 I got out of bed and looked myself over. Grimshaw hit like a pussy, so my face wasn’t as bad as Daniel had made it seem.

“Louis?” I looked up to see Daniel at the door.

“Shouldn’t you be heading to work?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I took a sick day. I was worried. Your mother isn’t home yet and… it’s been two days.” He said and I shrugged.

“She goes where the wind takes her. Like salad in the wind.” I said and he scrunched up his eyebrows.

“Salad?” He asked.

“Yeah. Like salad, she has no right to be thrown into the wind, yet there she is, flapping all loose like.” I said and he wrinkled up his nose.

“You have a way with words Lou.” He said and I shrugged.

“Where were you last night?” He asked and I turned around to look in the mirror.

“I guess I’m like my mother in that way, only tighter of course.” I said, throwing him a wink in the mirror and he sighed.

“Louis, we really should talk about last night.” He said and I shook my head.

“No. We really shouldn’t.” I said and he sighed.

“Well, I’m going to get the girls up.” He said and I nodded.

“How did I get back to my room?” I asked and he shrugged.

“You looked exhausted, so when I woke up this morning, I didn’t feel like waking you.” He said and I nodded.

He left my room and I grabbed my jacket before going to Nick’s.

 

I stumbled into the house later, looking over at the clock. It was almost two. I closed the door softly behind me and tried to tiptoe upstairs.

“Where have you been?” Daniel asked and I froze.

“A friends.” I whispered and he rubbed his temple.

“The same friend who beat you up last night?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Louis…” He began and I shook my head before trying to go upstairs. I tripped on the first stair and knocked my head on the hand rail.

“Oh shit. Louis.” He said, helping me up.

“Ow.” I breathed and he hoisted me in his arms.

“I can’t keep carrying you places Princess.” He said and I shrugged.

“Maybe I'll learn how to use my legs.” I said and he rolled his eyes but carried me to my mom’s room.

“What are you doing? This isn’t my room.” I said, trying to lean up.

“Yeah I know. I need to make sure that you don’t start convulsing in the middle of the night. You hit your head pretty hard there.” He said and I shrugged.

“I'll be okay.” I whispered.

“Louis, your mother would kill me if I let something happen to you while she wasn’t here.” He said and I scoffed.

“I highly doubt it. I think she’d be happy if something happened. I’ve always been a thorn in her side.” I said and he shook his head.

“Louis, she would not be happy.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“Dude, don’t kid yourself. I was a mistake. Always have been, always will be. She was drunk and my dad was laying the moves on her. They only got married because my granddad was basically holding a shotgun to his head. I’m pretty sure he would have rather eaten a bullet than marry her, not that I blame him. He left her as soon as he could and never looked back. I am not important to her. The only reason I’m still here is because she needed a babysitter.” I said and he shook his head.

“Johannah may say things to you. But she is still your mother, and she cares for you. We all do.” He said and I shook my head.

“She doesn’t care. I’ve always been a roadblock to her happiness. She hates me. She hasn’t been my mother since I was eight.” I said and he scooted closer.

“What happened when you were eight?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Can we just go to sleep? I just want to sleep.” I said and he sighed.

“Alright. Good night Lou.” He said softly. I snuggled under his arm and he closed his eyes.

I tried to do the same, but I could feel my heart pumping in my chest.

I looked down to see my hands shaking.

Why was I so nervous?

I should start smoking weed.

I chuckled and Daniel turned to face me.

“What’s so funny?” He snuffled into my ear and I shook my head.

“Nothing.” I whispered and he sighed.

“Come on Lou, what’s funny?” He asked, nudging me with his nose. I closed my eyes and bared my throat to him. His nose trailed down my neck.

“What’s funny?” He asked, his breath ghosting across my neck and I keened.

“Nothing.” I whispered and he caged me with his arms.

“I wanna know. I like to laugh.” He said and I dipped up, my lips meeting his.

He kissed me back with uncertainty and I rolled over on top of him.

He sat up and slid until his back was resting against the headrest. I ground my hips into his, our kiss no longer a kiss, but just us panting against each other’s mouths.

He ran his one of his hands over my thighs and I ground down harder. His other hand trailed up the side of my body and to my neck, cupping it with force. My hand flew to his t- shirt, pulling it off of his body. He did the same for me and I looked down subconsciously. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look into his eyes as his hips kept up their steady roll.

“Hey. You’re beautiful.” He whispered and I nodded, my hips grinding down faster. I wrapped my arms around his neck and circled my hips.

“God.” He moaned out, his hand caressing my chin before playing across the back of my neck. I bucked closer to him and he grabbed my ass, pulling me closer. I felt my stomach coil.

I ground down more erratically before I felt my body tense up. I groaned out, my head flopping onto his shoulder and he thrusted up a couple of times before clutching me to his chest as he came in his pants like a teenager.

“Louis. Louis. Louis.” He chanted as his hips rode out his orgasm before stilling. He panted against the top of my head and I buried my head in his chest as I felt like I was eight again. I felt so small in his arms.

“Louis.” He whispered once his breathing slowed down.

“Yeah?” I asked, my voice sounding childish to my own ears. My high was stolen from me and I was left bare and unguarded.

“We can never do that again.” He whispered and I nodded.

“I know.” I whispered and he rubbed my hair until I fell asleep.


	30. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little of Zayn's background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is drug use and verbal abuse here. Be wary lovelies. It's nothing too bad. Also pyromania, so yeah.

Zayn

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked as Louis stood at my door, a baggy hoodie draped across his small frame.

“Yeah… I uh… can I come in?” He asked and I nodded.

Louis never asked to come in.

“I did something bad Zayn.” He whispered and I sighed.

“How bad? Do we need to hide a body?” I asked cautiously and he shook his head.

“I tried Zayn. I tried really hard with this one. I told myself that after Mitchell I wasn’t going to do this anymore. But I screwed up, per usual.” He said and I ran my hands through my hair.

“Louis, you’ve got to stop fucking your mom’s boyfriends.” I said with a sigh, my hands still shaking.

“I know. But I like him… I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s just that my mom hasn’t been home lately and he’s so great with the girls and I don’t know…” He began and I rolled my eyes.

“He’s your mom’s fiancé. You know that he’s not going to drop her to be with you. A. it’s illegal and from the way you’ve talked about him, he’s not the type to risk a jail sentence. B. Jay would kill you. Like literally run you through with a knife.” I said and he narrowed his eyes at me.

“Like you’re in any position to hand out advice. Your child molesting boyfriend beats you.” He spat and I rolled my eyes.

“And you’re a daddy issues having junkie slut.” I shot back and he laughed.

“I may be a slut, but I definitely am not a junkie.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“That’s what they all say.” I said under my breath as I sat down on the couch.

“Speaking of… you seem extra shaky lately.” He said, his eyebrow arched up with sass.

His mood swings could give me whiplash.

“Yeah well, what would you expect?” I asked with a shrug.

“Has Niall made a move on him yet?” He asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Not everyone is like you Louis.” I bit back and he shook his head.

“Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.” He said before digging into his pocket.

“I’ve…. I’ve been feeling anxious lately, and I know what could take our minds off of it.” He said before pulling a joint out of his pocket.

“Louis… You know I can’t.” I said, eyeing the joint.

“Why not? It’ll chill you out. Besides, Liam’s been drinking. Why can’t you let loose?” He asked and I nodded.

“You’re right. Can I have one?” He asked and he shrugged.

“Yeah, I have extra.” He said.

Weed wasn’t normally his thing. He liked his high a little heavier and way more numbing.

He handed me the joint and I lit it before taking a puff.

I handed him the joint and he inhaled deeply.

“Music!” Louis yelled before turning on something with a heavy bass.

I grooved in my seat until he pulled me up to dance with him.

 

 I felt the smoke burn my lungs and I exhaled, watching the blue smoke wind towards the ceiling.

“Zayn? What the hell is that smell?” Liam said and I looked back to see Liam.

“Hey babe.” I said and he pushed Niall.

“Go upstairs and do your homework.” He said and I snorted.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He asked and I looked down at the joint before looking at him.

“Smoking weed.” I said and he ran his hands through his hair.

“Obviously. I thought we agreed that you were never going to smoke that shit again. In fact, I told you that you were never going to smoke that shit again.” He said forcefully and I stumped out the blunt.

“You said you weren’t going to drink anymore… and here we are.” I said and he pushed me.

“That’s different. That shit is illegal.”

“So is you drinking Liam. You have to be twenty one to drink.” I said and he bit into his cheek.

“It’s my lie that’s paying for you to live in this house, It’s my lie that is keeping me working to support you. I don’t want to hear that shit.” He said.

“Liam. I want to unwind. I’m tired of shaking all the damn time and being anxious that you’re…” I stopped myself, unsure how to say  ‘I’m afraid that you’re going to fuck Niall, forget about me and kick me out’.

“Unwind? You don’t do shit all day.” He yelled.

“I keep the house clean and I cook your meals.”

“Well, if you keep up that nasty habit you can say goodbye to that.” He said and I froze.

“What?” I whispered.

“You heard me. That shit’s illegal and I won’t have it. Niall could get taken from us for some shit like that.” He said and I could feel the buzz slip out of me.

I cleaned up the living room in silence before heading upstairs and to the bathroom. I grabbed the rolling paper that Louis gave me and took each piece out before burning them to a crisp.

_“What are you doing?” Aaron asked and I shrugged._

_“I dunno, I just like fire.” I said and he crept up behind me, wrapping his hands around my waist._

_“Is that a book?” He asked and I shrugged._

_His hands slipped down my front until he was cupping me. I was hard._

_“Oh, you really like fire.” He whispered and I felt my face flush._

_“I know. I’m weird.” I whispered and he shook his head, his hands playing with the back of my neck._

_“It’s hot. Bad pun intended.” He whispered, his hips bucking into mine._

_I groaned and he laughed._

_“So it was me?” He asked and I nodded._

_“Good, to tell you the truth, Perrie’s tits scare me.” He said and I laughed._

_“Have you ever kissed a guy before?” I asked, unable to tear my eyes away from the flame._

_“Yeah, have you?” He asked and I shook my head. His lips passed over my neck, sucking lightly._

_“No.” I whispered, feeling my temperature rise with the fire until I was cumming from the intensity of the flames and Aaron pressed up behind me._


	31. Liam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Child abuse and pedophilic actions. Stay safe. I'm sorry Liam is such a dick you guys.

Liam

I ran my hands through my hair with a sigh before going upstairs. I could still feel my anger boiling in me, and part of me wanted to kick down the door and drag him out. Another part of me knew I shouldn’t. It would scare Niall so much.

I put my hands over my face and blew a breath.

\---

I knocked on Niall’s door and he looked up from his guitar.

“Sorry to interrupt, are you busy?” I asked and he shrugged.

“No, not really.” He said, sitting the guitar aside and I walked into his room.

“You don’t have to stop. You’re pretty good you know?” I said and he shrugged. I sat on the edge of his bed, my hands playing at the nape of his neck.

“I guess, I don’t know.” He said, blushing and I smiled back at him.

“No. You really are.” I said and he tilted his head.

“Really?” He asked and I nodded.

“Really. You wanna play some for me?” I asked and he shrugged.

“If you want me to.” He said before picking up the guitar and plucking a couple of strings. He began to play some upbeat pop song.

I looked down at the boy, his tongue peeking out of his lips in concentration. His blonde hair fell into his face and I felt myself harden at the sight.

“That’s all I’ve got so far. I’m still learning.” He said and I nodded, clearing my throat.

“It was good.” I said and he smiled.

“Um… Li, Zayn seemed pretty upset.” He whispered and I felt guilt rush over me.

Zayn was in the next room.

_You’re so sick._

“Yeah uh… Yeah.” Was all I could say. I looked at the beer in my hand and knocked it back quickly.

“Maybe you should do something to make it up to him. I'll help you think of something.” He said and I bristled.

“Why do you wanna help?” I asked and he sighed.

“I don’t know, I just… you guys have helped me a lot since I’ve moved here. It’s the least I could do. I hate that you guys fight so much… And maybe Zayn would be happier and he wouldn’t be so…”

“Be so what Niall?” I asked and he shrugged, his thumbnail scratching at the deep scratches in the wood of the guitar.   
“I don’t know. He seems to be so on edge lately. I just… he hasn’t been all that nice to me lately. But I get it you know? He has really bad anxiety and me moving in hasn’t helped. He’s been worrying about me you know… Sometimes my mom used to get upset with me like that.” He said and I took a deep breath.

Why the hell has he been acting the way he had lately? It was getting ridiculous, but I guess Niall did have a point. I have been putting a lot of pressure on Zayn to take care of Niall and I’ve been working more lately.

_And you’ve been spending more time thinking about fucking Niall than actually fucking Zayn._

I shook my head.

“We should get him something. Maybe he just needs something… I read somewhere that animals help relieve stress… Like therapy dogs.” Niall said and I shrugged.

“I guess, it sounds nice.” I said and he nodded.

“It would be so good. He wouldn’t be so lonely in the middle of the day, and he could pet the dog instead of… you know, his methods.” Niall said, his brow furrowing.

“What?” I asked and he sighed.

“I have this friend, Harry. He uh- he tried to commit suicide earlier this year, and sometimes he self-harms… I just worry about Zayn you know? Like, would he ever…” Niall whispered and I rolled my eyes.

“He wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that.” I said and Niall shrugged.

“I just worry.”

“Well, don’t. And I think you’re right. We should look into a puppy. But we can’t tell Zayn, or Louis. Louis has a big fucking mouth and he can’t keep shit secret.” I said and he nodded.

“Cool, I’ve always wanted a dog, but my dad wouldn’t let me get one. I think my mom was allergic or something.” He said and I nodded.

“What are your parents like?” He asked a few seconds later.

“Where did that come from?” I asked and he shrugged.

“You and Zayn never talk about your families, and no one ever comes around. I just wanted to know.” He said and I shrugged.

“They were my parents.” I answered simply before looking down. His backpack was lying next to his bed.

“Did you do your homework?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Do your homework Niall.” I said and he sighed exasperatedly before picking up his backpack and pulling out his math binder. I left his room and went to the kitchen to grab another beer before going to my room.

“Hey honey.” Zayn whispered and I laid down beside of him. He sighed and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered and I nodded.

“It’s okay.” I whispered back before pulling him into a hug.

_I peeked from behind the banister as my father and my mother fought._

_“What the fuck are you looking at?” I heard my father asked and I blanched before stepping away._

_“I- uh nothing.” I quickly squeaked and he marched over, grabbing my collar._

_“What?” He asked, alcohol rancid on his breath._

_“Nothing Sir.” I chirped out and he shoved me against the wall._

_“When I’m talking to your mother, I don’t want to even see your face. This is grown folks business.” He yelled and I nodded._

_“Yes Sir.” I whimpered and he punched me in the mouth. I groaned, tears prickling my eyes._

_“Are you crying?” He asked and I shook my head, but I couldn’t help the sobs that were wracking my body._

_“What are you? Some kind of faggot? Boys don’t fucking cry! Men don’t cry.” He yelled before punching me again in the eye. My head bounced off the wall and I sucked in a breath._

_“Now, get the fuck out of my face, I don’t want to look at you, you little faggot.” He yelled and I nodded._

_“Yes Sir.” I whimpered before scampering back upstairs._

_“I did not fight in a fucking war for my son to be a faggot Karen.” I heard him say and I closed my swelling eye to keep from crying._

_“Liam!” I looked out my window to see Adam leaning out of his window._

_I waved back and he motioned for me to come out. I undid my screen before crawling out of my window and making my way to Adam’s house. I crawled into his room and pulled myself upright._

_“Are you okay?” He asked as I picked him up and I shrugged._

_“You have a boo-boo. I'll kiss it better.” He whispered and I closed my eyes as his lips peppered my face. I tried to control myself as his mouth trailed to mine. I groaned and he stopped kissing me._

_“Does it hurt? Your daddy was so loud.” He said and I nodded._

_“It’s okay. I’m okay. Were you scared?” I asked and he nodded._

_“Yeah, he’s louder than thunder. I was afraid he hurt you.” He whispered and I shook my head._

_“I’m right here. I'll always be here to protect you Adam. Especially from mean men like our Daddy’s.” I said and he nodded, laying his head on my shoulder. I kissed his hair, my hands moving over his back as i sat down on his bed. He tucked his head into my shoulder, his mouth catching on my neck as he breathed and I took a deep breath as I felt my hips roll under him._

_“Quit moving so much Liam.” He muttered, his teeth, he was missing two from the bottom row, catching on my skin._

_I gasped as my hips stuttered against his and I came._

_“Liam, are you okay?” He asked, looking up at my face and I nodded, my cheeks turning crimson with shame._

_‘Your dad’s right, you’re a fucking faggot’ I heard a voice in my head echo._


	32. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for self-harm, sexual violence... in a way, and bullying. There are depressive thoughts and abstract suicidal ideation. Stay safe.

Harry

I took a deep breath. The sun was coming in through my blinds and I sighed.

“Mom?” I croaked and I heard nothing. I guess her and Dad were out. I threw a blanket over myself. I knew what this meant. I was going to have to go over to Nick’s soon.

“Mike?” I yelled out and I got no answer. He wasn’t here either?

I sat up, even though it pained me to do so and got out of bed.

How could they forget about me again?

I looked down at my alarm clock to see that it was six thirty two in the evening. How could they have left me in bed all day?

Then again, I didn’t want to get up.

I was so bone tired and I wanted nothing more than to just sleep. Sleep until time passed me by and left me behind.

I wondered what it would be like to sleep forever; would everyone forget about me?

I looked around my room, everything was so blurry, before pulling on my glasses.

I rubbed my eye, still tender from getting a fist through it before getting out of bed.

I wonder if Ashley had any Bobbi pins. I know for a fact from raiding Gem’s room that she took every single one of them with her.

I opened my door slowly before going towards Ashley’s room. I stopped at the door of Mike’s room. It was cracked.

Ashley was in there with Mike so much, I wouldn’t doubt she left some, if not all of them in his room.

Besides, Ashley’s room was all the way down the hall.

I opened the door and stopped.

Mike was home.

Mike was sitting on his bed, his laptop slightly to the side of him while he stroked himself, his hand over his nose. I could see something pink balled up in his fist.

He came, his hip bucking off the bed while he whispered something that was covered by the squeaking of his bedsprings.

I guess that’s why Mike never brought any girls home. The bed was really loud.

His eyes fluttered opened and then widened.

“What the fuck are you doing in here Fag? Are you scamming on me?” He asked as he stashed whatever it was in his hands behind his pillow and pulling up his pants.

“No…I- I I wanted to see if you had any of Ashley’s Bobbi Pins.” I stuttered, looking down and he rolled his eyes.

“Wanna pull your hair back like a pretty princess?” He asked sarcastically and I shook my head.

“Shut up Mike.” I said indignantly.

“Why would I have any of her shit Harry?” He asked and I shrugged.

“She’s always in here with you… I just figured.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“You’re fucking weird.” He said and I shrugged.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“Just stay out of my room little fag. Jeez.” He said, running his hand through his hair.

That hand had just been wrapped around his dick.

I bent down, picking up a Bobbi pin that was stuck in the carpet before going back to my bedroom.

I pulled the rubber tips off the Bobbi Pin before dragging it across my wrist.

 

I was pulled into a closet and I exhaled as all of the air rushed from my lungs.

“Sup fag.” Max said and I could feel my heartbeat quickening. How did he find me? Why did I decide to take a bathroom break?

Of course this type of thing would happen to me.

“Please Max.” I whispered and he ran his thumb over my cheek.

“What Fag? Are you begging for me to touch you like the little fag you are?” He asked and I took a deep breath.

“N-n-no.” I whimpered and he ground down against me.

“Are you sure? You feel like it.” He said, and I laid my head against the wall. He pulled my glasses off and tucked them into my pocket before grinding against me hard and fast. He let his hands trail up my shirt sleeve before pulling them up forcefully.

“Those fresh?” He asked and I nodded, swallowing thickly.

He mouthed over one of them, his other hand trailing under my shirt.

“You fucking get off on this don’t you? You like when men fuck you don’t you? Don’t you gay boy?” He asked and I shook my head.

He bucked into me again, biting into my arm and I felt my knees go weak as an orgasm was ripped from me.

He held me tight afterward before untangling from me and punching me in the stomach. I groaned and dropped to my knees.

“You belong on your knees.” He whispered before walking out of the closet.

I slipped my glasses back on and wiped futilely at my tears before making my way back to my classroom.


	33. Louis

Louis

My mom came back the next day and I slipped into my bedroom as I heard them go at it.

She was such a slut.

I pulled my pillow over my head with a groan as I tried to block out my mom’s moans.

I flipped onto my back with a sigh.

I wasn’t jealous of her. I wasn’t mad that she was in there after I was there last night.

No I wasn’t.

I emerged from my room, slipping out of room when I was stopped by my mom. She was leaning against the staircase, smoking a cigarette.

“Where are you going?” She asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Out.” I said and she laughed.

“Just couldn’t stay away from dick huh? You’ve always been a little slut.” She said, blowing out some smoked and I rolled my eyes.

“I wonder where I learned it.” I said sharply and she smirked.

“At least I can keep a man.” She said and I could feel my hands shaking.

“Oh really…. That’s not how I remember it… In fact, I remember them fucking me.” I shot back and she clenched her fist.

“Oh fuck off Louis. No one fucking wants you. You were just a fucking toy. Always have been, always will be.” She said venomously and I rolled my eyes before hurrying downstairs and to Nick’s.

“Daddy.” I begged and he opened the door before letting me in.

\---

 

I came back in to hear silence. I climbed the stairs slowly, hoping not to wake the girls, or worse, my mother. My mom had been home for two weeks straight and it was terrible.

“Louis?” I looked up to see Daniel standing at the door, his chest bare.

“Sorry, I'll just go to bed.” I whispered and he beckoned me towards my mom’s room.

“What?” I asked and he lay on the bed.

“Your mother left again.” He said into the dark and I slipped into bed next to him.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered and he shrugged.

“It’s okay. How are you doing Lou? You haven’t talked to me in forever.” He said and I shrugged.

“Sorry, my mother has had her tongue shoved down your throat every waking minute. I didn’t really have time to make conversation.” I said and he pulled me closer.

“Where were you?” He asked and I shrugged.

“At a friend’s.” we both said at the same time and I looked up at him.

“Look, I’m sorry, I should go back to my room.” I said.

“No. Don’t leave Lou.” He whispered and I nodded, laying back down next to him. I buried my face in his neck and he sighed.

He ran his hands over the back of my neck and I keened before latching onto his neck. He pulled me onto him and ground up into me.

I let my hips roll onto his and he grabbed them, pushing them down. I threw my head back and he let his mouth trail over my neck.

I felt him buck against me. I felt my orgasm fast approaching and I ground down harder.

“God d-addy.” I whined and I felt a wet spot spread against the seat of my pants.

He gripped me tight, his head buried into my neck as his hips stopped rolling and he groaned.

“I’m so sorry Lou. Fuck.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“We weren’t supposed to do that again.” He whispered.

He sounded so guilty.

“I’m sorry. I know.” I whimpered and he laid me down on the bed next to him before kissing my forehead softly.

“Don’t apologize.” He whispered before smoothing my hair down and pulling my pants off. He pulled the blanket over me before pulling me to his chest.

“Goodnight Daddy.” I whispered and he kissed the back of my head.

“Good night Lou.” He whispered.

 

I opened my eyes to the sun streaming into the windows and Daniel sitting up.

“Hey.” I whispered and he looked over at me, running his hands through my hair. I closed my eyes with a sigh and he sighed.

“Louis, we’ve…. We’ve got to talk about this. We’ve got to tell your mother.” He said and I shook my head.

“We can’t tell her. She’ll kill me.” I whispered and he sighed.

“She won’t kill you.”

“You don’t know Daniel. She told me-”

“Mommy!” I heard Phoebe yell and I tensed, reaching for my pants.

“Mommy!” She yelled again, jumping onto the bed.

“Hey Phoebs…” I said, running my hands through her hair.

“Mommy, I’m hungry.” She complained into my chest and I sighed, lifting her.

“Come on, let’s go. I'll make you some cereal.” I said and made my way towards the door.

“Louis?” Daniel said and I turned back towards him.

“Yes?” I asked.

He stared down contemplatively before running his hands through his hair.

“You’re getting really skinny.” He whispered and I shrugged.

“I’m a growing boy.” I said before going downstairs.


	34. Niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for flashbacks of Niall's rape. Very explicitly remembered. Stay safe

Niall

I sat cross legged at the table as I watched Zayn putter around the kitchen.

“Get your feet out of the chairs.” He said, swatting at my thigh and I nodded before looking down. I glared at my book before trying to solve the problem.

The steps were written at the top of the page in Mr. Twist’s handwriting.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Nothing.” I whispered and he sat down next to me.

“Here, I'll help.” He said before turning my book towards him.

Liam came in and grabbed something out of the fridge before stopping behind us.

“How’s it going?” He asked and I shrugged.

“He still isn’t getting it.” Zayn said and Liam looked over at him.

“Well why not?” He asked and Zayn shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s stupid.” Zayn said and I looked down at my book, trying not to cry.

“It’s not his fault. Maybe Math’s not his strong suit. It wasn’t mine in high school either. That doesn’t make me stupid, does it?” He said and Zayn shook his head.

“Maybe you should go down to his school. Maybe someone should talk to his teacher. See what the problem is.” Zayn suggested and I slammed my book closed.

“No… No thank you.”

“Look, you’ve fucking upset him.” Liam said and I shook my head, trying hard to take normal breaths.

“No, I’m just… I’m tired. I’m going to finish these problems in my room and then go to bed.” I said before disappearing upstairs. I could hear Liam yelling at Zayn so I pushed some earbuds in my ears as I tried to focus on the problems.

 

“Alright Niall. Let’s try problem number twenty seven alright?” Mr. Twist asked and I nodded before looking down at the book.

I could feel his hands bracing on the back of my chair and I tried to make myself smaller. I wanted nothing more than to shrink into my shirt and get away.

“Alright, see that? That’s the y-intercept. That’s b alright?” He said, pointing over me and I nodded. One of his hands landed on my shoulder and I closed my eyes.

“Niall, are you okay?” He asked and my eyes snapped opened.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I said and he sat down beside me, his hand moving to my thigh.

“Alright, So that’s the slope. So you multiply that number right there by the slope. Go ahead and calculate it.” He said and I nodded with a gulp, unable to keep my eyes off of his hand.

“Come on Niall. Focus.” He said and I shook my head before going for the calculator. It slipped off the desk and he cursed.

“Fuck.” He swore running his hands through his hair and I flinched.

He turned towards me before sighing.

“I’m sorry. I’m just a little agitated I guess. Look, let’s take a break alright? Maybe it’ll help us refocus.” He said and I nodded, pulling my legs into my chest.

We sat in silence for a while as he stared at his bookshelf. He finally took a deep breath before looking over at me.

His hands shook as he sat one on my hip. I took a deep breath and his other trailed to the side of my face, brushing my hair out of my face.

“i-I’m not gay.” I whispered and he pulled away.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He asked before flushing.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to curse.”

“I’m not- I’m going to go call my- yeah.” I said before turning away and going to the phone.

Liam was there not even five minutes later and I got into the truck, buckling my seatbelt.

“Are you okay?” He asked and I shook my head, putting my heads in between my knees. I felt his hands pat my back softly and I squeezed my eyes shut.

 

I stumbled out of the car and went upstairs to my room before pulling out my laptop. I pulled opened some free porn site that I used to watch when I was home before finding a video that looked appealing.

I unzipped my pants and shimmied them down my thighs before trailing my hands over my thighs. I reached into my boxers and pulled myself out before grabbing myself firmly.

_His hands slid over my dick before gripping it tightly._

I shuddered before leaning my head against the bed as I stroked lightly. I tried to only listen to the girls moans.

_His moans reverberated off of the walls as he leaned in close to my ear._

_“Such a good girl. Such a good girl for me. God you’re so good.” He groaned before grunting loudly._

I forced my eyes opened, staring at the girls face.   
Focus on the girl.

Her face scrunched up in pain, or pleasure, it was hard to tell with these people, as he thrusted into her hard.

_“S-s-stop please.” I whimpered, my hands scrambling for purchase and he ran his hands through my hair._

_“Shh… it’s okay baby girl. I’m going to take care of you. I promise. It’s okay.” He said softly, grunting harder as he thrusted into me. My head crawled up the bed, no doubt wrecking my hair and he smoothed a piece down._

The guy pulled out of her and began to jack off fast off over her face.

_“Shitshitshit” He chanted as his pace began to grow sloppy. He grabbed me and stroked me hard and fast until I tensed up. My mouth fell opened and my head back as I came over my stomach._

_“God Princess. I’m going to c-c-cum.” He said before his hips stilled and he fell on top of me._

The guy came on her face and I slammed the laptop closed as I felt tears prick my eyes. I felt sick to my stomach.

I wasn’t hard anymore. And I hadn’t been able to cum consciously since that night.

“Niall?” I heard someone ask as they knocked on my door and I pulled up my pants quickly. Zayn opened the door before sitting on the bed beside of me. I grabbed his arms and threw myself into a hug as tears wracked my body.

_I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I’mnotgayi’mnotgayi’mnotgay._

Zayn whispered soft words to me as I cried into his shoulders.

I felt like I was going to be sick so I rushed to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet.

“Shh… it’s okay.” He whispered and I shook my head, spitting out strings of vomit. I leaned my head against the porcelain as I heard the sink turn on. Zayn held a cloth to my face, wiping away my vomit as he rubbed my back soothingly.

“I’m- I’m sorry.” I muttered to him and I felt him stiffen.

“What are you sorry for Niall?” He asked tentatively and I shook my head, leaning back over the toilet and vomiting some more.


	35. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is significant sexual violence and bullying in this chapter. Stay safe.

Harry

I pierced a piece of broccoli on my fork as I contemplated its shape. I wasn’t hungry at all, and the thought of eating was terrible.

 “Harry, eat.” My mom said sternly and I sighed, looking back down at the broccoli.

Mike was holding Ashley in his lap, feeding her broccoli.

“Mike, put her down. I swear, you both lost your mind while we were gone.” My mom scolded and my dad laughed.

Mike gave Ashley a kiss on the cheek before sitting her down next to him.

Why wasn’t he as nice to me?

Probably because Ashley was actually blood related to him.

“Mom, I’m not hungry.” I whispered and she sighed.

“Fine, but don’t expect me to make you a sandwich tonight.” She said and I nodded. I wanted nothing more to crawl up into my bed and not move for the next fourteen hours.

She shooed me away and I made my way upstairs before collapsing into my bed.

I awoke the next morning, feeling as if I only blinked. I groaned, rubbing at my head before going to the bathroom cabinet and taking some aspirin.

“Come on Punk.” Mike said, running his hands through my hair before knocking on Ashley’s door.

“It’s time to wake up Princess.” I heard him coo and I rolled my eyes before going to my room. I pulled on a white button down and a pair of khakis before going downstairs.

“You look decent.” Mike said as he carried a still sleeping Ashley downstairs. She was dressed, but obviously wasn’t deeming consciousness worthy of her attendance.

She was a Princess.

“Alright, Let’s go.” He said, grabbing Ashley’s lunch off the table and walking her to the car before strapping her in, his hands stroking across her face as he tucked a piece of her blonde hair back. He fixed the tiara that she was obsessed with wearing before closing the door. He walked to the other side and I got into the car behind him.

 

“Hey Niall.” I said, waving at the boy as he walked up to my locker.

“Hey Harry, you look nice.” He said and I shrugged.

“I didn’t have any clean sweats.” I said and he laughed.

“That deters you?” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m lucky, Zayn just washes my clothes.” He said with a shrug, shouldering his backpack.

“Lucky you. Isn’t that weird though? He probably has the scrub the cum stains out of your pants.” I said and he blanched.

“I haven’t… gotten off since I’ve lived there.” He said and I bit the side of my nail.

“Why? Is it because you’re living with two gay guys. I can guarantee you they aren’t ‘scamming on your junk.’” I said with distaste, I could hear Mike saying it and it left a sour taste in my mouth.

“No! I just…” He began before looking down. Mike passed us in the hall, sneering at me. I sneered back, sticking my tongue out at him and he shook his head before turning into his classroom.

“I should get going. I’ve got History first period.” He said before turning away from me and hurrying down the hall. I nodded before making my way towards my first period.

“Hey! Fag!” I heard Max yell and I turned into my classroom quickly, walking to the back of the room as I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible.

 

I was pushed into a wall on the way to lunch and all the air rushed out of my chest. My glasses fell off of my face and skidded across the floor.

“I know you heard me earlier fag. I was talking to you.” He said through his teeth and I turned my head away from him.

“Leave me alone.” I said softly and he chuckled.

“We both know that’s not what you want.” He said and I cursed my body. Why the hell was this turning me on?

He opened the door of the Student Gear store and pushed me in before closing the door after him. I stumbled and grabbed onto the counter before turning to face him.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked softly and he grabbed his hair.

“I’m not gay. I’m not a fucking fag.” He said through his teeth and I stepped closer to him.

“Are you okay?” I asked and he grabbed my arms, pinning them to my chest.

He crushed his lips into mine and I kissed back.

His tongue explored my mouth and I groaned as his hips began to roll into mine. My head hit the wall and my hands scratched at his shirt.

“You like this? Is this good?” He asked and I nodded shamefully.

His hands pulled at my shirt before pulling it off of me completely before he attacked my mouth. I groaned into the kiss, my hips bucking into his. His lips fell to my neck and I bucked my hips again.

“You like this don’t you. You like it when I touch you.” He groaned and I nodded frantically.

“I do. I’ve wanted it for so long.” I groaned into his shoulder.

Heat pooled behind my belly button and I ground my hips down harder, he joined in with me and I felt my release hit me like a ton of bricks.

“M-m-aax.” I moaned out and his hips stilled as he released, his jaw dropped opened and little breathless groans escaped his mouth.

My head leaned against his shoulder and his arms were wrapped around me tight. His hands were still shaking.

“You…” He said softly and I took a deep breath before looking at him.

He had tears in his eyes.

He pushed me back and I stumbled a little.

“You fucking did this!” he roared and I looked around confused.

“What… what are you talking about?” I asked and he shook his head.

“You turned me into a fag. You did this to me. Look at what you’ve done.” He said.

He came. He never came.

“Max, I didn’t… I didn’t do anything…”

“No! You’ve done this to me! You’ve made me like you. I don’t want to be gay.” He punched me in the face and I groaned as he punched me in the stomach.

“Max, I’m sorry.” I groaned and he grabbed me by my neck.

“Max please.” I choked out and he punched me in the face again. I stumbled back and I felt as my head connected with the counter. I landed on my back and I watched as he ran out of the room, tears in his eyes before everything went black.

\---

I opened my eyes to see Mike pacing in front of me.

“Mike?” I croaked and he groaned into his hands.

“Thank god you’re alright.” He said and I looked around. It looked like I was in a hospital room.

“What happened?” I asked, a pounding headache rushing to me.

“Someone attacked you at school. I haven’t called mom and Dad yet.” He said, looking down at his phone.

“Excuse me?” I looked up to see a woman standing at the door.

“Yeah?” Mike asked before nodding.

“I’m going to go pick up Ashley. She’s at Joanie’s.” He said and I nodded as he left.

“Hello Mr. Styles. How are you feeling?” She asked and I shrugged.

“Discombobulated.” I groaned and she nodded.

“I understand. I wanted to talk to you about what happened to you at school today. Do you know how they found you today?” She asked and I shrugged.

“not really.” I whispered.

“You were shirtless, and you had apparently ejaculated beforehand. You also had several hickeys.” She said and I touched my neck gently.

“Yeah?” I asked and she sighed.

“I’m with the sex crimes unit and…”

“I wasn’t raped.” I said defensively.

“You were brutally assaulted Harry. If you know who did this, please tell us. We can help you.” She said and I shook my head.

“I don’t have anything to say. I wasn’t hurt. I don’t need help.  You can’t help me.” I said and she leaned in closer to me.

“What does that mean? Can we talk about your brother Mike? What’s he like?” She asked and I wrinkled up my nose.

“Mike didn’t hurt me.” I said and she sighed.

“But he went missing around the same time as you.” She said and I groaned.

“Mike may be an asshole, but he’s not a rapist, and he definitely wouldn’t touch me. God, he’s my brother.” I said with disgust.

“Well then, tell me, who hurt you?” She asked and I ran my hands through my hair.

“If you want to know, why don’t you look at the cameras? Even though, no one hurt me.” I said and she sighed.

“We did. There aren’t any cameras in that part of the hallway. If no one hurt you, how do you explain how they found you?” She said and I groaned.

“I snuck off to jack off and I when I came, I stumbled and hit my head off of the counter.” I lied quickly, hoping she’d take the red in my face for embarrassment, and she sighed before closing her notebook.

“Harry, if you need help, please call me.” She said, handing me her card and I looked up as someone knocked on the door.

“Come on kid, let’s go.” Mike said and I nodded.

“Sorry detective.” I said and she got up before leaving the room.

“Jesus Harry. Mom’s going to flip out.” He said and I shrugged as I grabbed my jacket.

“I just want to go home and lay down.” I whispered and he nodded, holding onto Ashley’s hand.

“If someone hurt you, you’d tell me right?” He asked and I nodded.

“Nothing happened.” I said before walking out of the room in front of him.


	36. Mike (Bonus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Mike Chapter, may occur more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some bad touch moments, There are thoughts of pedophilia, be careful.

 Mike (Bonus)

I opened the door and Harry walked in in front of me, huddled up in his jacket.

“Harry, what am I supposed to tell mom and dad?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Nothing. Nothing happened, so they don’t need to know anything, alright?” He said and I shrugged.

“Fine Harry.” I spoke, running my hands through my hair.

He trudged upstairs and I sighed.

“What’s wrong with Harry. Why was he in the hospital again?” She asked and I sighed.

“Harry got… into an accident at school today.” I said and she gripped my hand.

“Oh….” She said and I picked her up.

“Don’t worry about it, Princess. Harry’s going to be alright.” I said before picking her up and blowing in her tummy. She squealed and I smiled, rubbing a thumb across her face.

“Come on, let’s get you bathed and then off to bed, you’ve had too much excitement for the night.” I said and she nodded.

She already looked a little tired.

“Did Joanie feed you?”  I asked and she nodded vigorously.

“Well, come on then.” I said before leading her up stairs to the bathroom. I ran her a bath and sat on the edge while the water ran. When it was good enough I began to strip her.

“Mike, I can do it myself. I’m a big girl.” She said, tugging away from me as she tugged off her shirt. I watched as she began to try the button.

“I can help you with that. It’s one of the tricky ones.” I said and she shook her head.

“I can do it.” She said, her tongue peeking out of her mouth as she worked at the button.

“Let me do it princess.” I said, flicking opened the clasp on the skirt. I tugged it down slowly and she shimmied out of her underwear.

She stepped into the bathtub and I let my hand trail through the water as she began to wash herself.

 I bit the inside of my cheek as I watched the cloth trace up her leg and over her thigh.

“Want me to do that for you?” I asked.

It wasn’t bad if I were washing her. I was doing what any brother would do. I was just washing her. It wasn’t bad.

“yeah.” She said and I grabbed the pink wash cloth from her. She still liked the ones for babies because they were softer.

“Stand up.” I requested and she stood up.

I dipped the cloth in the water before running the cloth up her ankles. She giggled and I tickled her side as I ran the cloth up and in between her legs. I took a deep breath, adjusting myself with my free hand before dipping the cloth in the water and running over her stomach. She giggled and I blew a raspberry into her tummy.

“Mike!” She chastised and I rolled my eyes before going up to her chest. I ran my fingers over her chest before trailing the cloth over the sensitive skin.

I washed over her arms and her sides before guiding her into a sitting position.

“Ready Princess?” I asked and she nodded before plugging her nose as I plunged her head under.

I washed her hair before rinsing it and grabbing her pink towel.

“Alright, up.” I said, patting her butt and she stood up. I wrapped the towel around her and patted her down softly.

I wrapped her in it and carried her into her room, the towel holding her hair in place. She laid her head on my shoulder and I could feel her beginning to doze off.

“Did you have fun?” I asked and she nodded again, laying her head on my shoulder.

“Yeah, Me and Sydney got to play with her new Barbie… It was really fun.” She said with a yawn and I ruffled her hair with the towel.

Her hair always dried fairly quickly.

“Let’s get you dressed.” I whispered and she groaned.

“I don’t wanna. You do it.” She said and I rolled my eyes before laying her down into the bed.

“Fine, you get your way Princess.” I said before unwrapping the towel. She had already began to doze off so I let myself stare.

Her body was beautiful. She was small for a six year old, still a beautiful milky white. She had a long torso that no doubt would be supported by long legs. She was thin and smooth. She had small, pink nipples that blended perfectly into the skin of her smooth chest. I ran my thumb over her stomach and she giggled.

“Mike, that tickles.” She whispered, her eyes still closed. I swallowed before grabbing her underwear and pulling them up her legs. They were white and had pink little cartoon bunnies.

“Night gown or pajamas?” I asked and she shrugged.

“Night gown.” She said and I nodded before going to her drawer and pulling out her light pink Sleeping Beauty Nightgown.

“Alright, let’s go princess.” I said before lifting her torso and slipping the gown over her head. She reached her arms up and I pulled her into my lap. I began to brush through her bone straight hair before braiding it.

“Alright, let’s get you into bed.” I said and she shook her head.

“Don’t leave me.” She whimpered and I nodded before pulling the blankets out of her bed. I put her under the comforter before climbing in next to her. I took off my shirt and threw it onto the floor next to her bed.

“I love you Mike.” She whispered softly, her breath tinkling against my bare chest.

“I love you too Ashley.” I whispered back let my hand trace her browbone until she fell asleep.

My hands trailed down her arm and to her hip. I could feel the curve of her ass under my palm and I let my hands smooth over it several times until it rested back at her hip. My thumb played with her hipbone and I could feel myself growing hard.

I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not hurting her. I’m not doing anything bad.

I could feel the imprint of the lace border of her underwear and I pulled her gown up.

I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Looking wasn’t hurting.

My thumb traced over the lace and I let my thumb follow the lace detailing down until my palm was resting against her inner thigh.

My thumb trailed up the crotch of her panties and I shuddered out a breath.

I wasn’t hurting her.

I licked my lips as my pointer finger followed. Soon all four fingers were skimming the crotch of her underwear.

She couldn’t feel any of it and I pulled back as my thumb began to nudge into her panties.

I wasn’t going to hurt her.

I kissed her softly on the tip of the nose before going back to my room.

I could hear harry still crying and I groaned.

I wanted to go in and make sure he was okay, but I couldn’t when lust was clouding my mind and I had a raging boner. I stroked myself to completion, thinking about the way my fingers felt against her panties before flopping my head back on my pillow.


	37. Louis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks of sexual abuse, rough sex, and unsafe sex practices. Be careful

Louis

“Strip for me baby boy?” Nick said from the bed and I pulled my t-shirt off over my head. I slipped out of my pants until I was left in my briefs.

“Such a beautiful baby boy.” He whispered, pulling me onto the bed with him and I rested my head on his shoulder as he pulled my underwear down my legs. He slid into me and I groaned.

“What a good boy.” He whispered.

_“You’re so beautiful Lou. So fucking good.” Mitchell swore as he slipped into me. My head slumped onto his shoulder as he lifted my dress a little higher. He didn’t bother to take my underwear off, just pulling them down._

_He rolled his hips slowly and I groaned._

_“You’ve wanted this forever haven’t you Princess. You’ve wanted Daddy to take care of you like Daddy should have right?” He asked and I nodded._

_“Yes Daddy.” I whispered._

_“Daddy’s going to take care of you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to stay right here and take care of my Princess.”_

_“You promise?” I whimpered and he nodded as he grunted, pushing deeper into me._

_“I knew I should have done this as soon as I met you. You wanted Daddy then didn’t you? God Louis. You’re so tight.” He muttered and I nodded, my hips rolling down onto his._

“Oh yeah, That’s Daddy’s dirty boy. Daddy’s gonna fuck you hard!” Nick yelled, slapping my ass harshly and I hissed.

“Gentle, please.” I whispered.

_“I’m going to treat you right, I promise. Shit, Louis I’m close. Okay? Do you wanna cum?” He asked and I shrugged. He wrapped his hands around my penis and tugged three times and I groaned against his chest._

_I could feel a shudder rippling through my body._

_“You’re such a beautiful boy. Daddy’s going to take care of you. Daddy’s gonna-“ He stiffened before I felt him fill me up._

_“I love you Louis. I fucking love you.” He muttered and I looked up at him._

_“I love you too Daddy.” I whispered with a smile on my face._

“I’m gonna- Shitshitshitshitfuck.” Grimshaw groaned as he released and I fell onto his chest spent.

“hold me.” I whispered and he wrapped his arms around me.

“I love you.” I whispered and he pushed me away.

“Louis, you don’t love me.” He said and I felt my face turn crimson.

“Nick… I…” I began and he scooted away from me.

“This is only about the sex and the drugs Louis. I don’t want you like that.” He said and I tensed.

“Fuck you Nick. I don’t want you like that either. You’re fucking disgusting.” I said, grabbing my clothes.

“You weren’t saying that when you were riding my dick.” He said and I yanked on my pants.

“You’re not even good in bed.” I yelled and he turned red.

“Fuck you. I could have any fucking body I wanted. I don’t need you Louis. You’re the fucking one who needs me.” He said and I threw a bottle of lotion at his head.

“I don’t fucking need you.” I said as I began to run down the stairs.

“You’re full of fucking shit Louis. I'll see you when you come crawling back to me like the little fucking junkie you are! Fuck you! Fuck You!” He yelled and I flipped him off.

“I’m not a fucking Junkie. I don’t need you, I can get it from someone else.” I yelled and he snorted.

“Doubt it Louis. You’re a junkie and no one’s going to give you the good shit I’ve been giving you for free. Fuck you! No one fucking even wants you!” He yelled and I groaned before kicking his car.

“Fuck you!” I yelled before pulling my jacket collar up and wiping at my tears.

I was going to get fucking plastered.

I found myself on the west side, looking for something a little more dangerous. I wanted to be lit. The music was loud and the air was heavy as I made my way through the crowd, dancing to my own beat. Someone wanted me. Everyone in this fucking club wanted me.

I found some cocaine in the men’s bathroom of a gay club and I took a couple of lines.

“You’re pretty cute.” A guy said, he was heavy set, but he had some good shit.

“You wanna have some fun Daddy?” I asked, biting my lip and he pushed me into a stall before shoving me onto my knees.

 

 

I stumbled into the house and the living room light clicked on.

“Louis?” Daniel asked and I shrugged.

“Where have you been? It’s almost five in the morning. I’ve been worried fucking sick.” He berated and I shrunk into myself.

“I’m sorry Daddy.” I mumbled and he ran his hands through his hair.

“Louis, please don’t do this right now.” He said and I looked down at my shoes.

“I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me.” I whispered and he groaned.

“Just go to bed.” He said and I nodded before heading upstairs.

I slipped out of my pants and my t-shirt before flopping down into bed onto my stomach.

“Louis, what are you doing?” Daniel asked and I looked back.

“Lying in bed. You told me to go to bed.” I said and he groaned.

“I meant your bed.” He said before flopping onto the end of the bed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to sleep alone.” I said and he sighed.

“Fine. You can sleep in here.”

I snuggled under the covers and sighed.

He laid down beside of me and his hand landed on my hips. I was pulled closer to him until our hips were touching. I leaned up and kissed him and he reciprocated.

He pulled me onto his lap and I pulled my underwear down my hips. I pulled his underwear down and tried to line him up.

“Wait, Louis, I don’t have a condom.” He muttered against my lips and I rolled my hips.

“It’s okay, I’m clean.” I whispered before letting his dick slide between my cheeks.

“No. Not tonight.” He whispered, his head sliding over my hole, but not in.

I tensed up and released into my underwear unexpectedly and he thrusted a couple of times before he climaxed, his cum shooting over my ass.

I rolled off of his chest and he threw his arm over his face.

“Daniel?” I whispered and he looked over at me.

“Will you hold me?” I asked and he nodded before pulling me closer. I buried my head in his shoulder and took a deep breath. His hands trailed over my back and I felt my throat dry. It felt like there was a lump of dough in my throat.

I began to cry softly and he tightened his hold on me. He smoothed his thumb over the back of my head and I began to sob harder.

“it’s okay Louis. It’s okay.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“No one wants me.” I muttered and he shushed me.

“that’s not true Louis. You are wanted.” He whispered, his hand tracing over the bones that were jutting out of my back. I could feel his fingers catching on the knobs of my spine.

“Everyone just leaves me.” I whimpered and he rocked me.

“I’m right here Lou. I’m not going anywhere.” He reassured me and I shook my head.

“No one loves me.” I whimpered into his shoulder.


	38. Niall

 Niall

I stared up at my ceiling and Zayn rubbed my head softly.   
“It’s okay.” Zayn whispered and I shook my head.

I got out of school early today.

I was the one who found Harry.

He ditched me for lunch, again, so I went to go find him. I found his glasses outside of the Student Store so I had to investigate.

What if I hadn’t have found Harry? Would he have bled out and just been a forgotten kid that no one cared about?

He would have died in there and no one would have known. I shuddered and Zayn bit the side of his thumbnail.

“I want to go to bed.” I croaked and Zayn stood up.

“Alright, I'll bring you up some dinner alright?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No thank you. I’m not hungry.” I said. He sighed before leaving the room.

“Alright. You don’t have to go to school tomorrow, if you’re not up to it.” He said and I shrugged.

I would go, to make sure that Harry was okay.

He left the room and I snuggled under my blanket.

The shirt I was wearing that day had been stuffed into the garbage can. I never wanted to see it again.

_“Harry! Harry!” I yelled as I searched through halls of the school. I sighed before looking down. I could see his glasses. I bent down and picked them up before going to the Student store door. It was cracked slightly and I knocked softly before pushing it opened._

_I could hear pulsing music in the background and I looked back to see the door had been closed. The door was a soft white instead of the harsh browns of the school door. I looked down at my feet to see white carpeting before looking up. A small white bed sat in the middle of the room and in the middle of the bed laid a blonde boy, blood seeping through the seat of his briefs._

_It was me._

I screamed as I awoke, my limbs fighting against the nothingness as I roused myself.

“Niall! Niall it’s okay. Calm down. Just calm down.” Zayn instructed, grabbing a hold of my flailing arms and I felt my hand connect with his face.

“Whoa. Stop.” Liam said, grabbing me from behind. My body tensed up and Zayn looked up at me, his hands holding his face.

“Zayn. Go to bed.” Liam spoke softly and his eyes flickered to Liam.

“He hit me.” He growled out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” I whimpered and Zayn’s jaw tensed.

“Zayn, room. Now.” Liam commanded and he turned away from me, leaving the room quickly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit him. I’m sorry… I just…. I can’t.” I stuck my head between my knees and Liam rubbed my back.

“Niall, are you okay?’ He asked softly and I shook my head.

 He sighed, rubbing over my back softly.

Eventually I fell back to sleep.

 

I opened my door the next morning and went to the bathroom. I felt so tired and I could see the bags under my eyes. I groaned, scrubbing at my face before turning on the shower.

I got dressed and went downstairs. Liam was standing at the counter, sipping from a coffee cup.

“Where’s Zayn?” I asked and he sighed.

“He’s still in his room. He didn’t feel up to getting up.” He said absently before grabbing the keys.

“Are you going to school?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, don’t wanna miss school… Besides, I can’t miss tutoring or I'll be really far behind.” I said with a shrug and he nodded.

“Alright, let’s go then.” He said and led me to the car.

 

I stepped into the main hall on my way to Harry’s locker and I could hear everyone whispering. They were all looking at me and I ducked my head.

I went to Harry’s locker and looked down at my watch. He should be here soon. Ten minutes passed and I looked down at my watch again.

I was going to be late for first period.

He probably wasn’t even here.

I looked down before heading to History.

I sat down in my third period class, my fingers thrumming against my desk anxiously. We had lunch at the end of class and I could see if Harry just had a late start.

“Alright class, I know you were all so excited to delve into today’s subject, but it seems as if we have an assembly, so we’ll head to the auditorium.” My teacher said, her voice bored.

I sighed, filing out of the classroom.

“I bet it’s about that Harry kid. They only have random assemblies when kids die.” I overhead a kid say and I sighed.

“I don’t care, as long as we’re getting out of class, let a hundred kids die.” Someone said and I shook my head.

Kids were fucking weird.

“Good afternoon students.” Our Principal announced and I looked down at my nails.

“As you know, we had an incident happen involving one of our students. I just want to let you know that we are looking into the matter. Bullying will not be allowed on our campus and I will not be lenient about it. What happened to the student was sickening and I will not tolerate it. I will personally escort you off my campus myself.” Principal Johnston said and I looked up at him.

They didn’t do a damned thing for Harry before, and this wasn’t going to change anything.


	39. Zayn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long awaited Zayn chapter. Sorry it's been so long my people. Triggers for Domestic Violence.

Zayn

I paced the floor in my room, anger building in my chest.

He didn’t come back to me.

He stayed with Niall. He stayed with him, even after he hit me.

I could feel my hands shaking and I wanted to punch something, anything.

I pushed my hands through my hair as I fell onto the bed. I let my face rest in my hands as I felt tears well up in my eyes.

I was losing him. I was losing him forever.

I opened my eyes to hear a soft knock.

“Zayn?” I heard and I looked up at the door.

It was Liam.

“Are you going to come make Niall breakfast? It’s almost time for him to get up. I don’t know if he’s going… but if he is, it’s almost time.” Liam whispered and I swallowed.

It was always about Niall.

I remember when I was the one it was about.

“I’m sick.” I said softly.

“Alright.” He said before retreating from the door.

I sat up and rubbed at my eyes before wincing. My face was still tender. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror as I heard the door close downstairs.

I guess he left.

I had a giant bruise on my face from where Niall hit me.

I pushed my hair out of my face and inspected the bruise before turning away from the mirror.

_“I don’t get it! You keep me locked up in here all the time. I wanna have fun like you do!” I yelled at Liam and he rolled his eyes._

_“I go to work all day to take care of you. I do nothing fun!” He yelled and I threw my hands in the hair._

_“Why don’t you take me with you? Are you too afraid I'll find out you’ve been messing around with another little boy.”_

_I heard the slap before I felt it. It was hard, all bone and I could feel the pain radiating through my jaw._

_“You… you hit me.” I whimpered and he looked down at me, his chest still heaving._

_“Zayn… I didn’t… you were provoking me and I got so mad…” He said, running his hands through his hair._

_“You… you said you’d never hit me.” I whined and he groaned._

_“I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry. God, I love you. I love you so much.” He whispered, bending down to wrap me in his arms._

_“I’m so sorry. Goddamn it Zayn.” He whispered, kissing down my jaw as he carried me upstairs. He dropped me onto the bed and kissed me softly._

_“I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He whispered, kissing over my fingers._

_He brushed his hands over my face and kissed me again._

_I awoke the next morning, the sheet wrapped around me and the bed empty. I sat up and threw my feet over the side of the bed before getting out of bed. I made my way over to the mirror and inspected my face._

_A giant purple bruise was forming on my face from where Liam’s hand had made contact._

_I pulled my hair out of my face before inspecting the bruise further._

_“Shit.” I heard Liam breathe out and I tensed._

_“I’m such a fucking idiot. I’m so fucking stupid!” He berated himself and I turned to face him, stilling his arms that were pulling at his hair._

_“No it’s not. It’s not your fault. I provoked you Liam. It’s okay, I get it. I’m sorry.” I whispered, pulling his arms down and he pulled me into his arms._

_“No.” He whispered and I nodded against his chest._

_“I deserved it. I was a complete brat. I deserved to be punished Liam.” I whispered and he squeezed me tighter._

I swallowed and shook my head before laying back down on my bed.

I’d eventually have to clean, but for now, I just wanted to sleep.

 

I got up around noon and began to clean up around the house. I opened a cabinet and found some Hair dye.

It was blonde.

Liam’s aunt must have left it here.

I chucked it into a small box as I began to get rid of some stuff that had been in the cabinets for too long.

I swept the floor before making dinner.

“Zayn! Niall and I are home, we brought take out…”

I looked up at him, and Niall swore.

“Don’t curse.” Liam said nonchalantly, smacking him aside the head lightly.

“Jesus Christ…. I did that? I’m really sorry Zayn.” He apologized profusely and I rolled my eyes.

“We got take out.” Liam said softly and I looked back at the kitchen.

“I made dinner.” I whispered and he sighed.

“I didn’t think you were leaving your room-”

“No, it’s okay… it’s fine. Eat whatever you want.” I said before swallowing.

“I’m going to go put up dinner.” I said before turning around sharply and heading to the kitchen. I heard footsteps follow me.

“Zayn, I really didn’t know… Look, we can eat what you cooked.” Liam began and I turned around, dropping the towel on the counter.

“It’s fine Liam. Just let me clean up.” I said and he nodded.

“We’re eating in the living room.” He said and I nodded.

He left and I put the food into bowls before heading back upstairs and locking myself into my room.


	40. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little non-con touching between Nick and Harry. Be safe.

Harry

I woke up, my eyes squinting against the sun shining in my window. I closed the curtain curtly before laying back down on the bed.

“Harry…” I heard Mike say as he knocked on my door.

I sighed, snuggling deeper into my blanket as I tried to ignore him.

“Harry, I can hear you. Get up.” Mike said and I put a pillow over my head.

I heard my door open and the pillow was lifted from my head.

“You don’t have to go to school.” He said and I shrugged.

“Then why’d you wake me?” I croaked, my voice still hoarse.

“I know you weren’t asleep.” He said and I shrugged.

I hadn’t fallen asleep until an hour ago, and even then, I couldn’t sleep.

“You know why you have to get up. If you’re not going to school, you’re going to Nick’s.” He said and I sighed.

I didn’t even want to get out of bed.

“Fine.” I croaked and he ran his hands through my hair.

“Jesus har, you look like shit.” He said and I shrugged before getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom.

My eyes were swollen from crying and I could tell that my right eye was bruised pretty badly. I had a cut on the upper corner of my eyebrow.

“Come on Ash baby, time to go.” I heard Mike say and I sighed.

“Harry, go throw on some clothes.” He said and I nodded before going back to my room and throwing on a pair of sweats I had found in the bottom of my closet. I pulled on a hoodie and ran my hands through my hair before going to stand at the door.

Mike took me over to Nick’s and he opened the door.

“Hey Harry. I'll see you after school, Mike.” Nick said and Mike nodded before taking Ash to the car, his hand on her ass as he carried her.

“Come on in.” Nick said and I nodded before walking in.

“No school today?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Yeah.” I muttered, sitting on his couch. I tucked my legs to my chest and pulled my hands into my sleeve.

“Well, I'll play hooky too. Are you hungry?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No, I’m fine.” I whispered and he nodded, his hands thrumming against his long legs.

“Alright well, I'll be back soon alright?” He said before disappearing to his home office.

I turned on the TV, some children’s show playing in the background. I laid my head on my knees and watched lazily as some cat that lived underwater helped out some little turnip thing.

Cartoons are so weird these days.

I opened my eyes to see something different was on. Two kids were standing around some tacky tourist trap, hiding from some hideous wombat thing.

“Oh, I love this show.” Nick said, sitting down beside me.

“It’s a cartoon.” I said and he shrugged.

“it’s really funny, I don’t understand the appeal.” He said before looking at me sideways.

“Didn’t sleep much last night?” He asked and I shrugged, my hands wiping at my face self-consciously before I winced at my tender face.

“I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful.” He said and I looked down. He grabbed my chin and forced it up.

“Man, someone did a number on you.” He whistled and I pulled out of his grip.

“I’m fine.” I whispered and he shook his head.

“Jesus, Harry, you look bad. Like bad. What happened?” He asked and I shrugged, feeling the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

“Come on Harry, you can tell me.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“No.” I croaked and he sighed.

“Harry, whatever you tell me, I'll keep it a secret and I won’t judge you. You can trust me. I won’t make fun of you and I won’t hurt you.” He whispered and I wrapped my arms around myself.

“alright, um” I wiped some tears off of my face before looking back at him.  
“Some kid fucked me up in a concession stand thingie at school. He punched me and I hit my head off of a counter. Apparently it was pretty bad.” I said before wiping my tears again.

“Why?” He asked and I steeled.

“Because you were different?” He asked apprehensively and I shrugged.

“Because he wasn’t okay with who he was and he decided to hurt me. Because he was afraid.” I whispered and Nick caressed the side of my jaw.

“Harry, you’re a beautiful person alright? You are such a good person. No one should be allowed to mess with that beautiful face of yours. No one should hurt you.” He said, pushing my curls back.

“Really?” I asked and he nodded.

“You are so good Harry. You’re worth so much.” He whispered before leaning closer to me.

“I just wanna show you how good you are.” He whispered before pressing his lips against mine. He pushed me backwards against the arm of the couch and I struggled against his hold. He slipped his hand down my sweats and gripped me tight. I groaned and pushed him off of me.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I squeaked.

“Just giving you what you deserve.” He said, his hand stroking me slowly.

“No! Get the fuck off of me.” I said, kicking at him. I connected with his chest and he fell back onto the opposite side of the couch.

“What’s wrong Harry?” He asked and I pulled at my hair.

“Why’d you do that? Why’d you touch me?” I asked him, my voice cracking as I tried to reign in my tears.

“I thought it was what we both wanted. You’ve been giving me all of these signals since I first started babysitting you.” He said and I pulled my knees to my chest.

“No. I thought you were my friend, Nick. Why does everyone do that to me?” I asked and he sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Harry, It’s not that bad.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“I just want to go home.” I whispered and he shrugged.

“Alright, go upstairs and clean yourself up. I'll take you back.” He said and I nodded before slipping off of the couch and going to the bathroom.

I wiped my eyes before spotting a pocket knife.

I did need a new razor.

I slipped it into my pocket before going downstairs.

I stood by the door, my arms wrapped around myself.

“Harry, you can’t tell alright? Don’t tell Mike or your parents.” He said and I nodded.

“I won’t.” I whispered.

“Good.” He said as we stood outside of my door.

I closed the door in his face and trudged back upstairs.


	41. Louis

Louis

I awoke the next morning to a tightness in my stomach and I rolled over with a groan.

“Louis, are you okay?” Daniel asked and I nodded, my head forced into the pillow.

“Just. A stomachache.” I whispered and he pushed his hands through my hair.

“Do you need anything?” He asked and I shook my head.

I just need to go to Nick’s house.

I stopped myself in that thought , recalling our fight.

I didn’t need him.

“No, I’m good. I just probably need to get some fresh air.” I said and he nodded with concern. I stood up, tugging up my underwear.

“you should probably shower.” He said and I could hear the embarrassment in his voice.

“Probably.” I said before pulling up my pants.

I went to my room to grab a beanie before heading out of the house.

I made my way to west side before biting my nail.

I had no idea where to find my next hit.

“Hey, you looking for someone?” I looked up to see a guy leaning out of his car window.

“Me?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, uh, I guess I’m just looking for someone to take care of me.” I said and he smiled before nodding me towards his car.

“So, what’s your thing? Weed, smack, coke, pills, what?” He asked and I looked down at my hands.

“Lady H.” I said and he smiled.

“Well, I can get you some of that.” He said, his hands trailing up my knee.

His hand trailed up my side and to the back of my head before pushing my head down.

He was still driving.

I leaned back up, wiping my mouth as he slowed down.

“Here you go.” He said, handing me a baggie.

I looked at him and he raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not paying you and giving you the drugs.” He said, opening my door.

I looked around, I was even deeper in the west side.

“Well, get the fuck out.” He said and I crawled out of the car.

I made my way to Zayns house, my t-shirt sticking to me as I made it to the porch.

“Hey Lou.” Zayn said and I nodded at him before heading upstairs.

 

I made my way upstairs and back to my mom’s bed.  
“Hey Louis.” Daniel said, looking up at me.

“Hey.” I spoke with a small voice and Daniel put the paperback down that he was reading.

“Your stomach ache gone?” He asked and I nodded before crawling up the bed until I was resting in between his legs. I laid my head in his thigh and he ran his hands through my hair.

“Lou, what’s wrong?” He asked and I closed my eyes.

“I need you.” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, pulling me into his chest and I sighed.

“I… just need you.” I whispered and he held me close.

I turned towards him and kissed him, knowing exactly where this was going. He pulled me onto his lap and I groaned against his lips.

“Please fuck me.” I muttered and he gripped my ass.

“No, I can’t hurt you like that.” He whispered, his hips still rolling.

“Please Daddy.” I muttered and he flipped us over, pulling my pants down smoothly. His hands slipped down my body until he slipped his finger into my hole.

I choked on a sob and he continued to fingerfuck me until I came.

He stroked himself until he was cumming across my stomach.

“Shit Lou.” He whispered, stroking my head.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He whispered and I tucked my head under his chin, my heart racing until it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.

I could feel myself beginning to cry so I tucked my head in tighter into his chest until I fell asleep.

 

“Mommy!” I heard Phoebe yell and I groaned, pulling up my underwear half-heartedly.

“Hey baby!” I heard my mom’s voice say and I bolted in bed, tugging Daniel up with me.

“Shit.” I swore. I scrambled out of the bed and Daniel threw my pants at me.

“No! Mommy!” I heard Phoebe yell and I opened the door before running into my room.

I pulled on my pajama pants and a t-shirt right as Phoebe busted into my room.

“Mommy!” Phoebe yelled, jumping into my arms, my mom following her.

“What did she just call you?” My mom asked and I pulled Phoebe off of me.

“Go play with Daisy.” I said and my mom held her hand up.

“Don’t you move. What did you call him?” She asked and Phoebe looked down at her feet.

“Mommy.” She whispered and my mom’s eyes narrowed.

“Go play phoebs.” I whispered and she ran away from the room.

“What the hell are they doing calling you mommy? I’m their mother.” She said and I shrugged.

“I don’t know.” I whispered and she stepped closer.

“Don’t let it happen again.” She whispered and I nodded.

She turned away and I sighed before sneaking into the shower.

I stepped out and went downstairs before sitting at the table.

“Is that juice?” Daniel asked, kissing her on the forehead and she nodded. I stared down at my fingers.

“Jay honey, you hate juice.” He said and she smirked.

“Well, It’s the only thing I could drink.” She said.

“I could have made you coffee.” He said.

“Coffee’s not good for the baby honey.” She said and my head snapped up.

“What?” Me and Daniel asked at the same time.

“You can’t have caffeine if you’re pregnant.” She said and I watched a smile spread across Daniel’s face. He’d wanted kids so bad.

“What! You’re fucking pregnant?” I said incredulously and Daniel slid over to her side.

“Oh my God. I can’t believe it.” He whispered and she smiled.

“You’d better believe it. It’s in there.” She said and I clenched my teeth.

“What’s wrong Louis?” She said and I shook my head.

“Nothing.” I said, feeling my throat constrict.

“Come on, I can tell something’s bothering you, is it the fact that I’ve got a family, I’ve got a man who loves me and only me?” She asked and I scoffed.

“That’s fucking rich.” I said and Daniel stiffened before shaking his head at me.

“Louis, when will you get it through your head? Daniel is mine!” She said and I gripped the table.

“He wasn’t yours last night.” I said and I saw him blanch.

“Fuck you! You’re such a fucking slut. I swear the God if you did anything Louis. I swear to fucking god.” She said and I stepped back from the table.

“I’ve only been doing what you’ve been doing all month. If you can fuck other people, why can’t he?” I asked and she looked up at Daniel.

“Did you fuck him?” She asked and he looked bewildered.

“You heard me. Did you stick your fucking cock in him?” She asked and he shook his head.

“Did you touch him?” She asked and he put his head in his hands.

“I did, I’m so sorry Jay. But I swear to God-”

“Shut up! Do you love him?” She asked and he shook his head.

“No, I swear. I only love you Johannah Darling. I only love you.” He whispered.

“Daniel…” I whimpered and she shook her head.

“What did I tell you? No one loves you.” She said and I took a deep breath.

“You promised.” I whined.

“You’ve always been so jealous of me, of what I have. You’ve always tried to take everything from me.” She said and I swallowed.

“that’s not fair. You did the same thing to Daniel’s ex-wife. God, Mark was such a good man and you cheated on him with Daniel. You’re the reason he’s dead and you don’t care. How could you trap Daniel and then take his side. You always take their sides.” I whimpered and she rolled her eyes.

“Just shut the fuck up Louis. Get it through your thick head, he never loved you. None of them ever loved you. I see you trying to play house with my family and it won’t work. You can never replace me Louis. They will always love me more. You can’t just come in and steal my family. You’re nothing but a worthless junkbag Louis. No one wants you here. In fact, get the fuck out!” She yelled and I looked at Daniel. He looked down at the ground and I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

“Fine. I don’t fucking need any of you. Fuck you both.” I said before turning and running out of the door.


	42. Niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is violence, self-harm, and threats of violence. Be safe.

Niall

I walked into the hallway and tried to peer between the crowds of people. I saw a puff of curly brown hair hidden under a hoodie.

“Harry!” I yelled and he ignored me.

“Harry!” I yelled again, trying to push through the crowd but he ignored me, favoring the inside of his locker.

“Harry. Why are you ignoring-” I grabbed his shoulder and he jolted, something banging loud against the metal of his locker.

“What the hell was that?” I asked, pushing him aside to see a knife.

“Harry, what the hell were you planning on doing with that?” I hissed through my teeth, looking around to see if anyone saw anything.  
“I’m going to end it.” He whimpered.

“End what?” I whispered cautiously.

“Max isn’t going to mess with me anymore.” He whispered and I grabbed his arm, pulling him into the men’s room.

He was clutching the knife in his hand tight.

“Harry, what the fuck are you thinking? You’re going to kill the prick?” I asked and he nodded.

“I can’t do it anymore Niall. I can’t fucking do it. I’ve got to make it fucking stop.” He whispered and I ran my hands through my hair.

“Did you just plan to walk up to him at lunch and stick him? Harry, you’ll be in so much trouble, you’ll go to jail.” I whispered and he shrugged.

“It would stop.” He whispered simply.

“Then you’d be in prison, with bigger, stronger pricks like Max. Jesus har, he’s not worth your freedom. Please, think about what you’re doing.” I said and he nodded.

“Is he the one who hurt you in that closet?” I whispered and he looked down, his hand tightening its grip on the knife.

The blade sprung free and he looked at it with empty eyes before nodding.

“Did he… touch you?” Harry’s face turned beat red and I felt the pit of my stomach drop.

He didn’t say a word, and I clenched my fist.

I heard the knife clatter to the floor with a hiss and I looked up at Harry. Blood began to trickle down his arm and he looked at me with shiny eyes.

Max really did a number on him.

“Jesus harry.” I said, pulling him close to me and he sobbed into my shoulder.

I cried into the top of his head, unsure of what would have happened if I hadn’t have befriended Harry.

“Dude, this weekend you’re staying over at my house. We’ve got to talk.” I said and he nodded into my shoulder.

 I picked the knife up and tossed it into my bag before squeezing Harry harder.

 

We walked into the cafeteria together, Harry clinging to my side as I steered us to the line.

“Hey Fag!” I heard Max yell and I turned to face him.

“Leave him alone max.” I yelled and he jeered, elbowing his friends.

“Styles went and got himself a boyfriend!” He yelled and I clenched my fist.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” I asked.

“You’re Styles’ dick jockey. You fuck him up the ass right Gay boy. I mean we all know how much you fags love it up the ass.” He said.

“Really, cause I’ve heard you’re the one who likes it up the ass max.” I shot back.

“What the fuck did you say to me?” He said standing up. He sauntered to me and pushed me.

“You heard me.”

“Listen here you little cockslut. We all know how much you fucking like it up the ass, keening like the fucking little girl you are,” He said and I punched him in the face. He staggered backwards before swinging back at me and I jumped on him.

“I’m not fucking gay! I’m not gay!” I yelled punching him over and over again.

“Stop! Stop!” I heard someone yell before I was dragged away from him.

“You stay the fuck away from Harry, or I'll kill you!” I yelled.

 

I sat in the chair, my arms folded over me as I waited for Principal Johnston.

Harry sat beside me, playing with his fingers nervously.

He pushed his glasses up before looking at me.

“I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.” He whispered and I shrugged.

“Max is a prick, he needs to be put in his place.” I said, unable to share the real reason I went berserk on him.

“Mr. Styles, shouldn’t you be in class?” Mr. Johnston asked and he shook his head.

“The fight was my fault.” He said, playing with his fingers again.

“Look, I know that you’ve had a really hard time this year, and I’d hate to add anything to that but I have to ask you something. Are you and Mr. Horan engaged in a romantic relationship?” He asked gingerly.

“No!” We both protested.

“Look, it’s okay if you are, it’ll stay between us.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“No, we’re not. I’m not gay.” I said and Harry looked down.

“Alright, what about You and Mr. George?” He asked and Harry turned a deep red.

“What does that have anything to do with? Our sexual orientation has nothing to do with Max trying to beat the shit out of me.” I said and Mr. Johnston turned to me.

“Mr. Horan, please watch your mouth.” He said and I bit the inside of my jaw.

“Mr. Styles you are excused. You did not throw any punches or insults. I suggest you get to class.” He said and Harry nodded before getting out of the chair and looking over at me. I shrugged and he hurried out of the room.

“Mr. Horan, at this school we do not tolerate bullying. We just had an assembly about it, and after what happened to Mr. Styles.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“You guys didn’t target Max after he hurt Harry in that closet. I even told you it was him.” I said and he shook his head.

“You don’t have any evidence.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“regardless of what may have happened in the past, your way of dealing with it was not the right way. Since you’ve had such a good school record, I'll give you a three day suspension.” He said.

“What?” I flailed and he shook his head.

“Be grateful, with the new school policy, it’s at least two weeks.” He said and I sighed.

“Hand over your backpack.” He said.

“Why?” I asked and he held his hands out.

“Just hand it over. School policy.” He said and I groaned.

“Do I at least get a phone call sheriff?” I asked and he pointed to my phone.

I dialed Liam’s number and he answered immediately.

“Niall?” He answered.

“Yeah, I got in a little trouble at school; I need you to come pi-”

“What is this?” I looked up to see Principal Johnston holding the knife that Harry had.

“Shit. It’s a lot of trouble.” I said into the receiver.

“I'll be there in ten minutes.” He said and I nodded.

“Alright, I'll see you then.” I said before hanging up.

“Mr. Horan. Do you know how serious this is?” He asked and I looked up at him.  
“A little, but this is my first infraction and you’ll let me off with a warning.” I said and he shook his head before pulling out a ruler.

“It’s over three inches. That’s considered a dangerous weapon and we have to call the cops.” He said going for the phone.

“Wait, please, can’t you just wait until my… parental figure gets here. Please, I’ve never done anything.” I begged and he put his head in his hands.

“Were you planning on hurting Mr. George?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No, I swear, the whole fight started because he hit me first.” I said and he shook his head.

“You threatened to kill him Niall. That’s serious.” He said and I shook my head.

“I did not.” I said and he held up his hands before flipping through some papers.

“Says right here several eyewitnesses heard you yell ‘You stay the fuck away from Harry, or I'll kill you.’ Were you planning on doing that Mr. Horan?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No. I swear.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Hi, I’m Niall’s parental figure. What happened here?” Liam asked as he walked in.

“Mr. Horan here got into a fight and a knife was found in his bag.” He said and Liam looked back at me.

“A knife?” He asked looking back at me and I shrugged.

“Just who are you exactly?” Mr. Johnston asked and he ran his hands through his hair.

“Niall is my adopted brother and I am speaking as his in loco parentis. I'll have you know that our father is a very rich and powerful man and if you do not handle this in a proper way, he’ll soon own this school.” He said with a voice I’d never heard from him.

“Mr…”

“Payne.” Liam supplied.

“Mr. Payne, This is a serious matter, I can’t just sweep it under the table.” He said and Liam rolled his eyes before opening a briefcase.

“Listen, I am prepared to draw up some paperwork to file a lawsuit. Where did you find the knife?” He asked.

“In his bag, like I told you.” Mr. Johnston said.

“Was this before or after the fight?” He asked.

“After.”

“And did you have a reason to search his bag? Was there any reason why you were in his bag?” He asked.

“School policy.”  
“School policy states that only in the case of probable cause can a student’s backpack be searched, and only if a SRO and the student’s parent, or in his case me, is present. I believe that none of that happened. Now, we can make this disappear, or I'll get the court system in here and we’ll discuss why he has complained about his friend and himself being bullied without any administration intervention.” Liam said and Mr. Johnston sighed.

“The suspension still sticks, he fought on school grounds.” He said and Liam nodded.

“I have no contests to that.” Liam said before looking back at me.

“Grab your stuff and let’s go.” He said and I nodded.

“Have a good day Mr. Johnston.” He said before ushering us out of the classroom.

“Hey, how’d it go?” Harry asked, pushing at his glasses.   
“Three days suspension, they found the knife.” I said and his eyes widened.

“Shit.” Harry said and I shrugged.

“Better on me than you, you were already the one in the nuthouse, they’ll send you back and toss the key.” I said and he looked at his feet.

“I guess.” He said.

“Who’s this?” Liam asked and Harry looked up.

“This is Harry, my friend.” I said and he nodded.

“Well, let’s go, you’ve got to get off of school grounds. It was nice to meet you Harry.” Liam said and Harry nodded quickly, pushing up his glasses.

If he was flustered by Liam, wait until he meets Zayn.

 

“You two are home early.” Zayn said as we walked into the door.  
“Niall got into a fight at school today and got suspended.” Liam said and Zayn’s face pinched into a grimace before looking to Liam.

“What for?” He asked and I shrugged.

“This Max kid was messing with Harry, I was just sticking up for him.” I said and Zayn crossed his arms.

“Well, go ahead.” He said to Liam and Liam clapped me on the back.

“Good for you, I hope that Max kid looks worse than you.” He said and I nodded.

“I blacked both eyes.” I said and Zayn huffed before hurrying upstairs.


	43. Liam

Liam

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I asked, pushing Zayn into the door.

“To our room.” He said.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and he rolled his eyes before running his hands through his hair.

“Like you don’t know.” Zayn said and I forced his forearms back into the door.

“You know, I’m getting really sick and tired of all this attitude you’ve been giving me lately.” I said and he took a deep breath.  
“That’s it? That’s fucking all? You’re not going to punish him? He got into a fight at school. He got suspended. That’s a big deal and you’re congratulating him? I don’t get it. Why aren’t you punishing him like you would me?” Zayn said and I slipped my thumb against his cheekbone.

“I don’t hit kids Zayn. I’m not going to punish him like that.” He said and he leaned his head against the door.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Because, you just don’t hit fucking kids Zayn.” I said through my teeth.

“There are a lot of things you shouldn’t do to kids Liam.” He said and I put my hand over his mouth.

“I swear to God if you say something like that again.” I hissed and he looked up at me, frightened.

He nodded silently and I moved my hands. He took a deep breath before opening our door. He slipped into the room and I followed him.

“He was protecting his friend Harry.” I said, my hands slipping over the red marks that were currently imprinted into his forearms.

“Friend or _friend_?” He asked and I shrugged before leaning him back against the bed.  
“Apparently his friend brought a knife to school and he took the blame for it.” I said, crawling over his body.

“He was only trying to protect Harry. How could I get mad at him, I would have killed the kid if it were you.” I said, kissing down his throat and he swallowed, his hands trembling against the bedspread.

“Really?” He asked and I nodded, my hand slipping under his shirt.

“I had to play the Daddy card. How could I punish him after that? I sounded just like _him_ when he had to get me out of trouble.” I whispered against his pec and his arms wrapped themselves around me.

I pulled his sweatpants down and unbuttoned my pants. I pushed his underwear down and pressed my thumbs into his hipbones.

He groaned and I lined myself up.

“Wait Liam, I’m no-”

He choked on a groan as I pushed in deep.

 He grunted and I ran my hands through his hair.

“I can’t be like him.” I whispered before thrusting into him. He grunted again and I pistoned my hips into his, a litany of sharp gasps and grunts filling the air as I edged closer to my orgasm. I flipped over so that he was sitting in my lap before thrusting harder. His head dropped onto my shoulder.

“Liam?” I looked up at the door to see Niall standing there and I felt myself release into Zayn unexpectedly.

“Shit.” I swore and Niall covered his eyes before scurrying out of the room. I pulled out of Zayn and he turned onto his side.

_“Hey squirt.” I said and I ran my hands through Adam’s hair._

_“Hey Li,” He said, dodging my hands._

_“Alright, we’ll be gone for the night, so you’ll  be staying with him all night.” His Dad said sternly and I nodded._

_“Yes Sir.”_

_“He’s been rowdy lately. So we’ve put him in his place. If you have a problem, you call me.” He said and I nodded again._

_“Yes sir.” I said, less enthusiastically._

_“Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. Behave.” He warned gravely before leaving the room._

_“God, your dad’s such a pri- such a meanie.” I said before looking over at him._

_“Did he hit you?” I asked, pushing his hair out of his face. He bit at his split lip and I exhaled._

_“People who hit their kids are the fucking worst.” I said under my breath and his mouth dropped opened._

_“Liam, you can’t say that. Daddy says not to say those words.” He said and I shrugged._

_“Why not? He’s not going to hurt me.” I said before picking him up._

_I opened my eyes to see Adam standing at the foot of the bed of the guest room._

_“What are you doing?” I asked and he looked down at the ground._

_“I had a bad dream, can I sleep in here?” He asked and I shrugged, letting him into the bed. His eye was no longer swollen, just an angry purple and I ran my fingers over it._

_I could feel myself harden and I exhaled through my nostrils._

_“It’s okay, come here.” I said, caressing his head as I pressed him into my chest. He wrapped his legs around me, holding on tight and I couldn’t help the miniscule motions of my hips and I began to thrust against him._

_He whined and I buried my hands through his hair._

_‘you’re sick.’_

_I heard a voice whisper and I shook my head._

_“Liam, why do I feel funny, down there?” He asked and I swallowed as my hand fell to his small, aroused member._

_I whined before turning us over and slipping down his pajama pants._

_“You’re so pretty baby boy. So pretty for me.” I whispered, my hands sliding over his blonde hair and he closed his eyes._

_“I’m going to make you feel so good alright? I’m going to take care of you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” I whispered as I slid my lips down the side of his face.  I let my hands slip into his briefs and he leaned his head up against my chest._


	44. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry meet in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mike chapters are going to happen a lot more you guys. I will probably try to post them in tandem with someone else's so that I don't bog you guys down with POV's that aren't the boys.

Harry

I took a deep breath before knocking on Niall’s door. I looked back at Mike’s car. Ashley had the front seat. I raised my hand in a weak wave and he nodded and left before the door opened.

I looked down at the address again before knocking again.

This was the house right?

“Hey Harry.” I looked up to see Niall standing at the door.

“Hey Niall.” I said.

I’d never been on this side of town before.

“Come in Goober.” He said and I nodded before taking a step into the door.

“Hey! Harry’s here.” I looked up to see Liam sitting on the couch and I blushed.

“Hey Harry, keeping out of trouble?” He asked and I nodded.

“Who’s this?” a raven haired man said. He was leaning against a doorway, his hands crossed across his chest.

He was beautiful.

“This is Harry, my friend from school. Remember? I told you I was bringing him over to stay the night.” Niall said.

“Liam.” Zayn said.

“Niall, don’t take that tone with Zayn.” Liam said absently and I laughed under my breath. They were like a little family.

“Sorry. Anyway, we’re going upstairs.” He said, grabbing my hand. He led me towards the stairs and I was crashed into by someone. I fell into the stairwell wall and my glasses slid down the stairs.

“Shit. Sorry little man.” A voice said before handing me my glasses.

“Watch out Louis.” Niall said and Louis swatted at Niall’s head.

“Shut up Niall, Who are you?” He asked and I stuttered, looking down at my feet.

“This is Harry. Come on Harry.” Niall said before dragging me up the stairs.

“Nice to meet you Harry.” Louis yelled after me before adjusting his hat and heading out the door.

“Who was that?” I asked, breathless as I stepped into Niall’s room.

“That was Louis. He doesn’t live here, he just crashes here every so often.” He said with a shrug before looking up at me.

“No. Absolutely not Harry.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“I didn’t say anything.” I said, wrapping my arms around myself.

“Dude, you didn’t have to. You can’t date Louis.” He said and I bit my thumbnail.

“Why not? Is there something wrong with me? Is he too good for me?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No, it’s nothing like that. Louis is dirt. He is a bad influence Harry.” He said and I shrugged.

“Says the kid who mauled Max George.” I said and he pushed me.

“At least I had a reason to hurt Max. Look. Louis’ a fun cool dude, but he’s not for you. Besides, he only dates older men.” He said and I sat down on his bed. He scooted away from me to the top of the bed.

“Well, how old is he? He can’t be anything but fourteen, maybe I’m older than him.” I said and he laughed.

“Louis’ like seventeen. And when I say older, I mean like thirty seven.” He said and I sighed.

“Oh.” I said and he took a deep breath before scooting closer to me.

“Alright, tell me what I’ve missed. What the hell is school like when I’m not there?” Niall said.

 

“Harry, what are you doing?” I heard Niall ask and I leaned up.

“I’ve gotta pee.” I said and he turned over, burying his head into his pillow.

“Then go.” I crawled out of bed and left his room.

Was his bathroom on the right or left?

I grabbed a door knob and it slid opened slightly.

Louis was laying on his bed, playing with a small baggie.

“Oh, hey henry.” He said and I blushed.

“It’s Harry.” I said and he nodded.

“Right, sorry. What are you doing?” He asked and I coughed.

“I was looking for the bathroom.” I said softly and he nodded.

“Yeah, it’s the door on the right.” He said and I nodded.

“Yeah.” I whispered.

“Yeah.” He repeated.

“Sorry, I should go…” I said, pointing at the door.

“Wait! I mean, who exactly are you? Niall’s boyfriend?” He asked and I blushed.

“Uh, no. I’m not Niall’s boyfriend. He’s not gay.” I offered and he laughed.

“Whatever, we’re all gay here.” He said and I laughed a little.

“So, you’re… gay?” He asked and I shrugged.

I hadn’t ever said it out loud.

“What are you doing?” I asked after clearing my throat.

“Escaping.” He said and I moved into his room, sitting on the edge of his bed.

“From here? Your door’s not locked.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“No, from life.” His eyes skimmed over my exposed wrist and I tugged on the edge of my sleeve.

“I’m sure you know what it’s like to need an escape.” He said and I nodded.

“Yeah, I get it. What are you escaping from?” I asked and he shrugged.

“My bitch of a mother, my dissatisfaction with my life. Myself.” He said with a cough and I pushed up my glasses.  
“I try to get away from myself too.” I said and he shook his head.

“So, how do you cope?” I asked and he leaned across his bed to reach under it.

I watched his shirt rise from the small of his back and my eyes trailed to his ass.

It was beautiful.

“You know, they say I have the best ass this side of the county.” He said and I blushed as he leaned back up, holding a box.

“What?” I said, my face turning red.

“You were staring.” He said and I looked down.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to judge you.” He said and I nodded, swallowing quickly.

I watched with fascination as he boiled the powder and filled a syringe full. He stuck it in his forearm and hissed as he pushed the plunger down.

“Whoa, how does it feel?” I asked and he smiled, looking over at me.

“Like I have a sun in my belly.” He whispered and I slipped closer to him. I wanted to feel that kind of happiness, I’d been really down since Max put me in the hospital, if it weren’t obvious by the new scars on my arms.

“I want that. Can I try?” I asked and he looked over at me before leaning up and wrapping me in his arms.

“No, this shit will ruin your life.” He said before letting go.

“Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.” He said and I shrugged.

“It’s okay. Niall’s the only person who hugs me.” I said and he sighed.

“That shouldn’t be a thing. Who wouldn’t want to hug you.” I shrugged, picking at my scars and he grabbed my hand.

“You have big hands… Like my father.” He said before looking at me, his head tilting.

“How old are you?” He asked and I gulped.

“I’m fourteen.” I whispered and he sighed.

“Have you ever been kissed?” He asked.

“None that weren’t forced.” I whispered, shocked that I allowed myself to say that.

“Me either.” He whispered back, leaning close to me.

Someone cleared their throat and I looked up at the door to see Zayn standing there.

“You should get back to Niall’s room.” He said and I nodded.

“Yeah, okay.” I said, hurrying to the bathroom before slipping into Niall’s room.

My heart was beating a mile a minute in my chest.


	45. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is pedophilia in this chapter, bad touching of children, be careful. Also, i'll try to post Mike chapters with someone else's.

Mike

I dropped Harry off at his Niall’s house before driving away.

He’d been babbling about it since Niall got into the fight with that Max kid. I guess it was a relief that Harry had friends, although, having a friend that gets in fights probably isn’t a good idea.

I wonder if him and Niall were having sex. I mean, Niall did seem defensive that one day, talking about how he wasn’t gay. It makes sense though, considering I was Harry’s older brother. I guess he thought I was going to be mad at him for being in a relationship with Harry.

“What are we doing today Mike?” Ashley asked and I looked over at her.

“Whatever you want to do Princess.” I said, running a hand through her hair. She wasn’t feeling well, so she couldn’t go to gymnastics.

“I wanna go for ice cream.” She said and I nodded.

“Anything else?” I asked and she shrugged before sneezing.  
“Probably go home huh?” I asked and she shrugged.

“Well let’s go princess.”

I drove to her favorite ice cream shop and lifted her to the counter so she could pick out her favorite ice cream. It was some weird rainbow colored shit that always got all over her face.

“What flavor will you get mike?” She asked and I shrugged.

“Vanilla.” I said and she rolled her eyes.

“You always get vanilla.” She said and I nodded.

“Because, I like Vanilla, it’s my favorite, just like Rainbow Sprite is yours.” I said and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re lame Mike.” She said and the clerk handed her the ice cream cone.

“She’s super cute.” The teen behind the counter said and I nodded, putting her on my hip.

“Isn’t she?” I said before he handed me my cup. I nodded before going to the car.

“Mike.” She whispered and I looked over at her.

“Yes princess?” I asked and she looked down at her cone.

“This tastes yucky. Can I have yours?” She asked and I sighed.

“Of course Princess.” I said and she grabbed it from me before eating it slowly.

She must feel really bad. I’m guessing the nastiness in her throat was keeping her from diving into her rainbow mess.

We got home quickly and I went upstairs to grab a blanket.

“Mike, can we watch a movie? I wanna watch Sleeping Beauty.” She said and I nodded.

“Of course Princess.” I said before popping the disc into the Dvd player. I sat her on my lap and she leaned her head into my chest, sucking on the spoon. She still had a small amount of Ice cream in her cup. I watched as a little bit of the ice cream had dripped down the corner of her mouth and I kissed it away.

That wasn’t weird. Brothers kissed their sisters all the time.

“Mike, silly, you’re going to get sick.” She said and I shook my head.

“No I won’t. I’m immune to your sickness. In fact, your kisses will make me better.” I said and she leaned up to my face.

She kissed me several times, giggling in between each one and I took a deep breath.

This was normal. Nothing was wrong with this.

She squirmed against me, kissing me one last time, her mouth lingering against mine before snuggling back into the movie.

“Now, shut up. I wanna watch my movie.” She said and I cleared my throat.

“Of course Ms. Missy.” I said leaning my head against hers.

 

She fell asleep against me, fatigued from the medicine, and the low grade fever she had been sporting all day. I carried her upstairs before laying her down gently on the bed. She looked so tiny and beautiful. She looked like a little version of Sleeping Beauty.

I could be her Prince Phillip.

I leaned into her and kissed her mouth softly, my hand resting at her hip.

She didn’t stir and I leaned up, sitting on the bed beside of her before leaning back down and kissing her again.

“Mike?” She whispered and I pulled away.

“You feeling any better?” I asked, my cheeks tingeing slightly.

“’m tired. Will you stay in here with me?” She asked and I nodded.

I slid into her bed and she snuggled into my chest. She went back asleep, this time the medicine putting her under and I breathed in her scent as I laid with her. I could feel her soft puffs of breath against my bare chest from where I took my shirt off earlier and I groaned, my hands wanting to roam over her body. My thumbs rested against her hip and she groaned.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and she whined again.

“’m hot.” She whimpered and I pulled her dress off.

“Better?” I asked and she nodded into my chest before falling asleep again. I pulled her hair away from her face and sighed, my lips falling against her forehead as my hand unbuttoned my pants. I pulled them down to my ankles and stroked myself as she slept, curled up in front of me.


	46. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad touch stuff, Louis singing Britney Spears. Just be warned. Also drug use.

Louis

“Louis, what the hell are you doing?” Zayn asked and I shrugged.

“Just sitting here, high as a kite.” I said and he hobbled into the room.

“You know what I’m talking about. Why would you shoot up in front of the kid?” He asked and I rolled my eyes.

“You don’t even know if I did shoot up in front of him.” I said and he sat down gingerly on the bed.

“You’re still bleeding jackass. Were you about to kiss him?’ He asked and I shrugged.

“I don’t know. Zayn he’s so young.” I whispered and he rolled his eyes.

“Can no one in this house keep their dick in their pants? They are fucking kids.” He said and I pressed my palms into my eyes.

“I know. Jesus, I’m just as bad as Liam.” I whispered and looked over at him.

“He looked so much bigger. He has really big hands Zayn. Big like my father.” I whimpered and he shook his head.

“Louis, he can’t be your daddy alright? He can’t take care of you.” Zayn said with a sigh.

“But I bet he could. He could if I let him.” I said and he ran his hands through my hair.  
“Lou, you can’t have him. Besides, you have Daniel at home.” He said and I looked down at my pants, feeling tears pricking behind my eyelids.

“No, she kicked me out.” I whispered and he steeled.

“What?” He asked and I swallowed.

“Johannah found out what happened and kicked me out.” I said and he hugged me to his chest.

“Did she kick Daniel out too?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No. She made me leave, and Daniel told her he never _ever_ loved me.” I choked on a sob and he hugged me tighter, rocking me.

“Fuck them Lou, she’s a cruel woman.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“You were right. I couldn’t have him. He wasn’t mine.” I whimpered.

I wiped my tears before leaning up to look at him.

“Sorry, I’m ruining my high.” I said, wiping my face.  
“Lou, It’s okay to-”

“What happened to you? Why are you limping?” I asked and he straightened.

“Nothing.” He whispered, his hands shaking.

“Did Liam rape you?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Of course not. We’re together, he loves me. We just got a little rough.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“You know what you sound like right? You sound like the first time he put his fist through your eye.” I snarked and he shrugged.

“At least he’s fucking me and not Niall.” He said and I shook my head.

“It’s getting bad isn’t it?” I questioned and he shrugged. I began to edge off the bed.

“Where are you going?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I gotta go out. Can’t just sit around, this junk isn’t working.” I said and he laughed.

“I thought Grimshaw gave you the good shit.” He said and I pulled my shirt closer to my body.

“I just wanna get something else.” I said before pulling a beanie over my head.

 

“Hey, you looking for something good?” A man asked and I looked around before heading to his car.

“I guess you could say that.” I said and he smirked.

“Turn around.” He said and I obliged, bending over.

“You’re limber huh?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Maybe.” I said, looking back at him.

“Alright, get in.” He said and I nodded before slipping into the passenger seat.

We drove to a hotel and I took a deep breath. No one had ever taken me to a hotel before. Once, before the twins were born, Mark took my mom and me to the beach for a family vacation. It was great but we couldn’t afford to stay in a hotel.

“Alright, let’s go.” He said and I nodded, stepping out of the car.

 

He laid on the bed in front of me and I scratched my arm self consciously.

“Dance for me.” He whispered and I nodded. I swayed softly, moving my hips as seductively as I could.

I pulled my shirt off first before shimmying out of my skinny jeans.

I dipped my body and he scooted the edge of the bed, running his hand up my thigh.

He pulled me into his lap and I sighed, putting my head on his shoulder.

_“Hey Louis, you remember that thing you were doing the other day?” Mitchell asked and I shrugged._

_“What do you mean Daddy?” I asked as he sat on the edge of the couch. I played with the hem of my skirt and he smiled._

_“You remember, that dance you were doing?” He asked and I nodded. I was dancing along to Britney Spears._

_“Oh yeah, I remember.” I said before swaying my body back and forth._

_“Yeah, like that.” He whispered, turning the TV off behind me._

_“This is weird without music.” I said and he rolled his eyes._

_“Then sing Princess.” He said and I nodded._

_“All you people look at me like I’m a little girl, well did you ever think it’d be okay for me to step into this world, Always saying little girl don't step into the club. Well I'm just tryin' to find out why 'cause dancing's what I love. Get it get it, get it get it oh, get it get it, get it get it whoa get it get it get it get it oh. I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy. But I feel like talking, feel like dancing when I see this guy.’ I sang, swaying my hips slowly._

_He nodded and I smiled before continuing._

_“What's practical is logical. What the hell” I giggled a little, blushing at the fact I just said a curse word, “Who cares? All I know is I'm so happy when you're dancing there. I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it, I cannot control it. I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it, I'm not trying to hide it. Baby, don't you wanna, dance up on me, to another time and place. Oh baby, don't you wanna, dance up on me, Are you ready Leaving behind my name, and age .Lets go, Like that. You like it, Now watch me” He grabbed my swaying hips and pulled me in between his legs. His hands ran down my thighs and over my backside before flipping under the hem of my skirt._

_My mom hated when I wore skirts, but let me because she thought I was just going through a phase._

_He slipped his hands down the back of my briefs as he pulled me onto his lap._

He slid out of me and tied up the condom before throwing it into the trashcan beside of the bed. He handed me a small baggie filled with white powder before going towards the shower.


	47. Zayn

Zayn

I hobbled around the kitchen, breathing through my nose to temper some of the pain. The pain was borderline unbearable. I couldn’t remember a time when it has ever felt this bad before.

“Hey Zayn.”  Niall said softly and I looked up at him.

“Do you need something?” I asked and he looked down.

“Could we have a snack?” He asked cautiously and moved towards the cabinet, pulling out a jar of Nutella. I handed him a pack of graham crackers and he nodded before sighing.

“You okay?” He asked and I nodded.

“I’m.Fine.” I said, my voice hard and he nodded, looking down at his hand before turning away.

I leaned over the faucet, my breath getting caught in my throat.

 

I stood in the kitchen, cutting up celery when I heard a whispered conversation. I stilled my knife and turned towards the door.

“He’s really upset.” I heard Niall whisper and I leaned into the door.

“Yeah, he’ll get over it. I hate that he’s so mean to you.” Liam said and I rolled my eyes.

“Are we going tomorrow?” Niall asked.

“Of course we are. This will be our little secret alright? We can’t tell Zayn.” He whispered and I felt my face heat up.

They couldn’t tell me. Of course it’s not like I didn’t already know that he was screwing the little fucker behind my back.

It was because I wasn’t beautiful anymore, why would he want me?

I stormed out of the kitchen and went upstairs, pulling the box where I kept all the things I had planned to throw out.

I read the back of the box, going through the steps to dye my hair. Maybe he’d love me better if I looked like Niall. Maybe I wouldn’t be second best.

“Zayn?” I heard Liam ask into the door and I screwed my eyes shut to keep from listening to him.

The door burst opened and I looked up.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked and I swallowed.

“I’m going to be pretty.” I whispered and he grabbed me by the back of the head, forcing my head into the basin.

He washed out the dye quickly, making sure it never stained my hair before forcing my head to the mirror.

My head was a sopping mess and I couldn’t stop sobbing.

“Don’t you ever fucking do something like that again. You do not change alright? You don’t dye your hair without me saying so.” He said and I nodded, choking on a sob. My breath kept hitching in my throat.

“You…Don’t love me… anymore.” I choked out and he spun me to face him.

“What did you just say?” He asked.

“You don’t love me anymore.” I said, my voice more forceful and he just stared at me.

“Don’t just fucking stare at me. Say something!” I said and he opened his mouth.

“Zayn, you’re acting fucking stupid.” I slammed my fist into his chest until he was pushed backwards.

“I hate you! I fucking hate you so much! I hate you.” I said stalking out of the bathroom. Niall stood at the foot of the stairs and I turned on him.

It was him who started all of this. It was all his fault.

“It’s your fault. You wanna know something about Liam?” I asked.

“Zayn!” Liam barked and I clenched my teeth.

“He raped a little boy. A little boy who looks just like you. He’s no better than who hurt you.” I said and Liam smacked me.

“Shut the fuck up!” He yelled and I swallowed back the pain.

“He hurt a little boy and he hurt me. You fucking hurt me Liam. You promised me you’d never hurt me. You promised me.” I whimpered before turning on my heels and slamming our bedroom door.

“Open the goddamned door Zayn.” He yelled.

“I swear to God I will break down this damn door.” He said and I shook my head.

“Go to hell!” I yelled before grabbing my duffel bag. I began to stuff clothes in it.

“What the hell are you doing in there?” He asked.

“I’m packing my shit.” I yelled back.

“Your shit? I bought everything in there. You don’t own anything. You can’t leave me. What the hell do you think you’re going to do? You can’t live without me.” Liam shouted and I forced the door opened in his face.

“No. I lived without you just fine and I can do it again.” I said, pushing past him.

“You can’t leave me Zayn. Are you just going to walk out on me? You can’t do that to me.” He said and I took a deep breath, pushing my hands through my hair.

“You won’t survive out there. You need me.” He yelled after me and I stepped out of the door.

I kept walking, hoping he’d come after me.

He didn’t.

_“I love you Zayn.” Aaron whispered and I laid my head on his chest._

_“I love you too Aaron.” I whispered before sitting back on my haunches._

_“My parents aren’t home.” I said coyly and he rolled his eyes._

_“What do you have up your sleeve Malik?” He asked and I shrugged, his t-shirt slipping off of my shoulder. He was bigger than me, stronger and sportier._

_In his hands I felt safer, I didn’t feel so alone._

_“Come here.” He whispered, pulling me to his chest. He kissed me and I melted into his embrace.  He slipped my shirt off before I could feel him pulling at my belt. I felt a blush spread on my cheeks and his thumb smoothed across my cheekbone._

_“You’re beautiful.” He whispered and I closed my eyes. His thumb slid across my eyelashes as his other hand slipped into my boxers._

_I dropped my forehead onto his, my breath mingling with his as I tentatively reached into his pants._

_I shuddered as my orgasm hit me strongly._

_“Sorry.” I whispered and he kissed my forehead before looking pointedly down at himself._

_“It’s okay, you can make it up to me.” I flushed but made my way down his body before wrapping my lips around him._

_“Zayn-” My mom opened the door and I pulled my head up quickly._

_“Oh my God mom.” I said wiping my lips and my dad pushed the door opened further as he walked into the room._

_“What the fuck is going on here?” My dad asked and Aaron pulled up his pants quickly._

_“He tricked me. He made me let him do this to me. I’m not gay.” Aaron said frightened._

_“Aaron.” I whispered desperately and he shook his head._

_“No! You did this to me. I didn’t want this I swear Mr. Malik. Please, don’t tell my mom.” He said and I watched as my Dad nodded before letting Aaron slip past him. My mother was shaking and my father’s face was a dark angry red._

_“I told you. I told you something was wrong with him. I swear to God.” My dad said and my mom nodded futilely._

_“You can’t stay here. You know that. Not while you’re sick like you are. We can’t risk your little sisters getting it.” He said with disdain and I nodded._

_My mom slammed the door shut and I was plunged into darkness._

_He came in my room later on that night, belt in hand._

_He tried beating the gay out of me, but that didn’t work._

 

_I looked up to see the stack of papers on my desk._

_They were for a conversion camp. They were going to send me to get ‘cured’. I pulled out my duffel bag before throwing some clothes in it before taking off out of my window._

_I meandered until I got to our barn before dumping out all of the things I had of Aaron’s, his sweatshirt, his pictures, all of the notes we sent to each other onto the grass. I dumped the conversion camp letter on top of it before lighting a piece of paper on fire and adding it to the pile. The papers went easily and before I knew it the dry grass got swept up in it._

_It hadn’t rained in so long._

_I watched, mesmerized and alarmed as the fire engulfed the barn._

_I ran as I heard the back door open._


	48. Niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late posting! Also, Niall has a pretty vivid dream about his rape, be advised.

Niall

I watched as Zayn slammed the door shut behind him and I stilled. I was expecting something, anything to happen. Liam swore and punched the wall before looking at me. I felt a cold chill run down my spine.

“Niall…” He said and I ran up the stairs clumsily before slamming the door shut.

“Niall wait!” I heard Liam yell and I ran my hands through my hair.

I heard the refrigerator door slam shut before the distinct clink of a beer bottle and I slid down my door.

Everything was going to hell.

 

Liam was asleep on the couch when I woke up the next morning and I sighed before heading off to school.

“Hey Niall.” Harry said as I walked up to his locker.

“Hey.” I whispered and he bit his lip.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Zayn and Liam got into a fight.” I said and he nodded.

“I’m sure they’ll make up soon.” He said as he grabbed a book.

“Zayn moved out.” I whispered and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Oh my god that’s terrible.” He said and I shrugged.

 

Maybe Zayn had the right idea.

 

_“Come on, stop squirming.” He said before lining himself up._

_“It’s okay Princess. I’m just giving you what you wanted. You just wanted someone to take you like a big girl. I know you are.” He whispered, tracing his hands down the side of my face before thrusting into me, hard._

_“No, please, please stop.” I whimpered and he stroked my cheekbone with his thumb._

_“You’re so beautiful. All I want is you. I don’t want anyone else. No one but you.” He whispered and I clamped my eyes tight._

_“No, open your eyes. I wanna see those eyes. No one else, not even Zayn.” My eyes flew opened to see Liam laying above me, thrusting hard._

I awoke with a start, my throat burning. I was screaming.

“Niall. What’s wrong, are you okay?” Liam said as he walked in my room.

“Get away from me! Get away!” I yelled, picking up something off of my bedside table and throwing it at him forcefully.

“No Liam. No.”

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going to hurt you.” He tried to appease me as he walked towards me slowly.

“No!” I yelled, crawling up my bed.

“Niall, it’s just me.” He whispered and I buried my head in my knees.   
“Please Liam, please get away from me.” I cried before another scream erupted from my throat.

He backed out of the room and I wrapped the blanket around myself, trying to contain my screams.

 

I awoke the next morning to an empty house and I sighed, running my hands through my hair. I got up, and got ready for school. I ambled through the kitchen, trying to find something to eat. I missed Zayn’s peanut butter and Banana sandwiches.

I missed Zayn.

I went outside to catch the bus, Liam was nowhere in sight.

 

I walked home after waiting for thirty minutes for Liam to show up. I wasn’t surprised. I mean, he’d probably be too drunk to drive me anyway.

I unlocked the door and walked into the house, picking up discarded beer bottles and take out trays. We were falling apart without Zayn.

“What’s up tyke?” Louis said as he walked into the house.

“Jesus, Zayn’s really been slacking huh? Where is he anyway? No one answered the door earlier. I couldn’t get in.” he said, plopping down on the couch.

“That’s why you shouldn’t have lost your key. And Zayn left.” I said, my voice hoarse and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“uh, Niall, can I ask you something?” Louis said and I nodded.

“Liam’s never… He never touched you or nothing right?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No. never.” I said and he eyes me suspiciously.

“What happened to your voice?” He asked.

“I had a nightmare last night. Screamed it away.” I said and he wrapped his arms around himself.

“Niall, if he hurt you, you could tell me.” Louis said and I shook my head.

“That’s why Zayn left. Because he thought I was-” I stopped myself.

Of course I would be the reason that they broke up. I strain relationships.

“Liam never hurt me. I promise.” I said and he nodded.

“Where’s Liam?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I haven’t seen him all day.” I said and he nodded.

“So um, how’s your friend Harry doing?” He asked, scratching at his busted toms.

“He’s alright.” I said and he nodded.

“That’s good, has he uh- has he said anything about me?” He asked, scratching at his nose.

“Yeah, he talks about you a lot.” I said and he nodded.

“Oh, cool. Um, I’ve gotta jet.” He said.

“Where are you going?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Don’t know yet. It was pretty cool knowing you Niall. Tell Harry I said Hi alright?” He asked and I nodded.

“Why are you saying goodbye? You never say goodbye.” I asked and he shoved his hands in his pocket.

“Without Zayn, there’s really no need for me to be here. Zayn was my friend first. Liam… not really.” He said with a shrug before heading to the door.

 

Yet again I was alone.

 

Liam came home later that night before knocking gently at my door.

“Niall, can we talk?” He asked and I swallowed.

“Come in.” I said and he pushed the door opened.

“Hey.” He said and I looked down at my homework blankly.

“Niall, uh, I wanted to talk to you.” He said before moving towards the bottom of my bed. I scrambled closer to the headboard and he stopped.

“I'll just stand here.” He said and I nodded.

“What Zayn said was true. I h- raped a kid. His name was Adam. And yes, he looked just like you. He was small, and pale, and blonde.”

He clenched his fists.

“And yes, you remind me so much of Adam. But I swear to god, I won’t touch you like that. I don’t want to hurt someone else. I was sick… and it doesn’t mean squat, but I regret it. I lost my parents, I lost Adam, and I lost Zayn, I can’t… I can’t lose anyone else. I have no one else.” He said, tears clouding his eyes. I’d never seen Liam cry before.

 

I looked down, unsure of what I should say.

So I didn’t say anything.


	49. Liam

Liam

It’d been almost a month since Zayn left. Niall was trying harder to talk to me, but I get why it was hard. For all the preaching I’d done against the man that hurt him, I was in the same damn boat. Louis hadn’t been by since Zayn left, which was entirely understandable. Louis and I didn’t really see eye-to-eye. He was hard headed and full of drama. He was the one who got Zayn into weed and I know he doesn’t think I know, but he was the one who always told Zayn to leave me.

I guess he got his wish.

I could hear Niall padding around upstairs, probably getting ready for class and I pulled on a sweatshirt before getting in my truck.

I wonder if he wanted to learn how to drive.

I taught Zayn how to drive.

I cracked my knuckles as I began to scour the city, looking for Zayn.

 

“Liam?” I looked up from the take out I had bought for dinner. It was Chinese again.

“Yeah?” I asked. Niall normally came down, ate dinner in silence before heading back upstairs.

“Uh, you got a call today.” He said.

“From who?” I asked, trying to keep my optimism in check. It wasn’t from Zayn.

“From a Danny Golding. Apparently you haven’t been to work in about four weeks. I tried to explain to him that you had but he said that if you didn’t drag your ass to work, he was going to fire you.” He said and I shrugged it off.

Danny was full of shit.

“Where have you been going?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Oh… Did you go see Adam?” He asked and I stiffened.

“No, I didn’t. His family had moved away. I’m going out.” I said, pushing away from the table.

“Have you been staying away because you hate me now?” He asked and I closed my eyes.

“No Niall. I don’t hate you. I promise. I’m just… I need to get out of here.” I said before grabbing my jacket and getting in the truck.

 

I stopped at a stoplight, resting my head on the steering wheel when I heard a trashcan being knocked over. I turned my head to see someone running away.

I drove through the light, following him.

It was Zayn. I could tell from anywhere.

 

“Zayn.” I said as I slowed to a crawl beside of him.

“Leave me alone.” He said pulling his jacket tighter around him.

It was the middle of November,  it would be getting cold soon, they were calling for snow.

“Zayn, please.” I said and he started walking faster.

I sped up a little.

 

_“Karen, get in the car.” My father said sharply and my mom pulled her jacket tighter to her chest._

_“Please Geoff, just leave me alone.” She said._

_“This is getting pathetic and embarrassing. Get in the fucking car.” He said forcefully._

_“No.” She said._

_“So that’s it? You’re just going to walk out on me? You’re just going to leave your son like this? Look at him. He’s going to watch his mother walk out on him. He’s going to know that you don’t love him. You see that? She doesn’t love you Liam.” He said and I peeked out the backseat window at her._

_“Don’t you fuckin’ say that. Don’t you dare say that I don’t love my son. I love my son.” She said, her voice cracking._

_“Well, get in the damn car and stop embarrassing yourself.” My father said and she sighed._

_“This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair Geoff.” She said and he sighed._

_“Just get in the car. I won’t beg you. I won’t.” He said and she looked down before opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat._

_“Don’t ever do that again.” He said sharply and she put her head in her hands._

 

“No Liam. No.” Zayn said, wiping his eyes.

“Zayn, please.” I begged.

“No, I’m done. I’ve had enough.” He said and I parked the car.

“What are you doing?” He said as he backed away from the truck. I stepped out, holding my hands out.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. I just want to talk.” I said and he crossed his arms.

“You’ve got two minutes.” He said and I nodded.

“I need you to come home. I’m sorry. I swear.” I said and he shook his head.

“You hurt me. You fucking raped me Liam. Why should I go back? Get tired of Niall already?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Zayn, I don’t want Niall. I want you.” I said and he looked around.

“No, you say that, but you don’t mean it. I was just a distraction.” he said and I gripped his biceps.

“Don’t touch me.” He said, stepping back from me.

“Jaan. Please.”

“Don’t call me that. Don’t sit here and say those things to me. You don’t love me, You never did. You only took me because I was the exact opposite of Adam. You didn’t want to face what you are. So you took me and you broke me, and I fell for it because I loved you.  I fucking loved you do you hear me? I loved you and you couldn’t have given two shits. You didn’t come back for me. You promised you’d always come back to me. But you didn’t.” He said, his voice breaking.

“No, Zayn, I’ve looked everywhere. I swear. All I wanted was you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I raped you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” I said and he looked down.

“I know you think that you mean what you say. But you don’t. Sorry doesn’t fix shit.” He said.

“Please, I can’t- I can’t live without you. I can’t. I’ve done nothing but look for you. I can’t function. You should see the house. I can’t… I won’t live without you. I need you way more than you need me. Please, Zayn, come home. Please.” I said and he began to cry.

“You hurt me.” He whispered and I hooked my finger under his chin.

“I know, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” I said and he collapsed onto my chest.

“I fucking miss you.” He whispered into my chest and I hugged him closer to me.

“I’m so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid for this.” He muttered into my chest before stepping away.

“Can I come home?” He asked and I nodded before leading him back to the truck.


	50. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is another Mike chapter. This has major non-con issues consisting of a party who is asleep during this. Major pedophilia, and just all around bad touch. Be safe you guys.

Mike

“Mike!” I looked down at Ashley and she bounced into my arm.

“Hey Princess!” I said, snuffling into her neck.

“Mikey!” She said, swatting at my face.

“You two make me sick.” Harry said and I threw a pillow at him.  
“Shut up Emo!” I said and he rolled his eyes and flicked me off.

“Not in front of Ashley.” I said.

“Not in front of Ashley” He mocked. And I rolled my eyes.

“Ashley, cover your ears!” I said and she obeyed me.

“Don’t be such a bitch.” I said to Harry and he sneered at me before going upstairs.

“Ready for your bath?” I asked and she nodded.  I carried her upstairs and started to run her bath water.

 

I began to get her undressed before putting her in the water. I tried to keep my eyes on her face, and away from her body. I dressed her and put her to bed before checking on Harry.

Harry was asleep.

I went back to her room and began to take a picture.

Taking pictures was not hurting her.           

I wasn’t hurting her.

I slipped down her pajama pants and took a picture of her panties before spreading her legs a little.

I wasn’t hurting her.

I unbuttoned her top and licked my lips before rubbing my hand over her chest. My thumb caught her nipple and it pebbled. 

I wasn’t hurting her.

I kissed her shoulder before letting my mouth trail over her chest.

I swallowed hard before leaning back and taking a picture.

I pulled down her underwear before running my hand over her pubic bone. I spread her legs wider and let my hand slip down her thigh. I took a deep breath, my heart spiking as I felt my thumb slip over her opening. I nudged her legs opened even more and let my fingers enter her.

I felt my heartbeat climb as I continued to rub her.

I heard her breath hitch and I looked back up at her.

She was still sleeping, but I could see her chest moving quickly.

I rubbed my thumb over her clit and she whimpered.

I could feel her skin heating up and she groaned.

I pulled her clothes back up before rushing into my room.

I didn’t hurt her. Ididn’thurther. I didn’t hurt her.

I collapsed on my bed, staring at my hands.

I groaned and pulled my pants off.  I stroked myself hard until I came with her name on my lips.

 

My hand trailed up pale white legs that were spread against a rainbow comforter. I heard a whimper and I leaned up, my mouth falling on soft eyelids.

I trailed my hand up the leg and over a pelvis.

‘please stop!’

I bolted in bed. it was a boy.

Shit. It’s Niall.

I fucked Niall.


	51. Niall

Niall

I sat down at the table as Zayn busied himself in the kitchen. It was strange, as if things went back to a normal pattern.

I was waiting for the bomb to drop.

“Did you finish your math homework?” He asked as he wiped off the counter and i picked at the fraying place mat.

“We didn’t have homework.” I mumbled and he stopped wiping the counter, opting to come sit beside of me.

“How’s that class going?” He asked and I shrugged.

“We get our test scores back tomorrow.” I said.

“How do you think you did?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I missed you.” I said before looking back down at the table, my face burning red.

“You did?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, it’s not the same without you.” I said and he wrapped his arms around me. I couldn’t remember the last time Zayn hugged me, it couldn’t have been after the first week I was here.

He didn’t say anything and I got up before going to my room.

 

I stared at my test score, dread building in my stomach. Zayn and Liam just got back together and now here I was. I was going to make them fight about my grades, again.

 

“Alright you guys, have a great weekend… Niall, can you stay after?” Mr. Twist said and I sat back down. I watched as everyone clamored out of the classroom, talking about what they’d be doing for the weekend.

 

“Can you sit at my desk?” He asked as he went over the process of cleaning up things that students left.  I sat down opposite his desk and he came around, leaning against the desk beside of me. I felt my hands trembling.

“Niall, what happened?” He asked and I shrugged. He ran his hands through his hair with a groan.

“Do you have any idea how this makes me look? It’s like you’re incapable of learning.” He said, slamming his hand down on the desk and I flinched.

“I don’t know what to do with you anymore. It’s like you’ll never get it right!” He said and I looked down at the desk.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, my voice cracking and his hands fell onto my shoulders.

“You know Niall, we both have a dilemma, and I bet we could help each other out a lot. What do you think?” He said, his hands running over my shoulders.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“I remember, I remember what happened that night, how much you helped me out, and I bet I could help you. I could make this go away if you help me.” He said, his hands running down my chest.

“I-i-I just want to go home.” I whispered and he put his mouth on my neck.  
“Come on Princess. You need this just as much as I do.” He whispered.

“I'll scream… I'll yell, I'll tell.” I whimpered.

“Then you’d be naughty. You don’t want to be naughty.” He whispered before pulling my shirt off. He pushed me forward so that I was laying on his desk.

“It’s my word against yours. No one will trust you…Besides, I know all about your troubles at home. You wouldn’t dare break them up again.” He said and my face blanched.

How did he know?

“Come on, I'll treat you so good princess.” He whispered, kissing down my back before pulling my pants down. I heard his pants unbutton and I shut my eyes.

 

I felt him release on me and I groaned into the wood, trying to contain my tears.

I pulled my pants up shakily, turning towards him, and took a deep breath to steady my breaths.

“Hey, you listen to me.” He said, grabbing my shoulders.

“You can’t tell anyone. No one. Tell no one.” He hissed, shaking my shoulders. I nodded, sniffling.

“Don’t look so somber, you wanted this.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“Yes you did. You wanted that grade. You wanted this.” He whispered and I nodded.

 

I made my way into the house. Liam was working on a double shift and I told him that I’d walk home.

I wish I hadn’t.

“Niall, is that you?” I heard Zayn call and I took a deep breath, wiping my face off.

“Why are you so late?” He asked, leaning against the archway of the kitchen door.

“I-uh walked here, got distracted talking to Harry.” I said and he eyed me suspiciously.

“Well, dinner’s on the table.” He said and I shook my head.

“I’m not feeling well. I’m just going to go upstairs.” I said, my voice hoarse.

“Okay.” He whispered and I hobbled upstairs to my room

I pulled my pants down; there was a little blood on the seat of my briefs.

“Niall!” I heard Zayn call and I kicked my underwear under my bed before pulling the sheet up to my neck. I had bruises covering my torso from slamming into the wood and Mr. Twists hands that wouldn’t stop touching and prodding and claiming.

I shuddered, feeling his hands trace over my body.

“Hey, I brought you some soup. How you feeling?” He asked and I sniffled. He could take my red nose and sniffles as symptoms, and not me crying.

I shrugged and he put his hand on my forehead. I flinched against his palm and he pulled back.

“Niall, are you okay?” He asked and I nodded.

‘you can tell no one.’

“Zayn, I’m sorry.” I said and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Sorry about what?” He asked and I took a deep breath.

“About breaking up you and Liam. I’m sorry I showed up and ruined everything. I just- I have to let you know. I never… ever wanted Liam like that. You have to believe me. I never wanted to be touched like that. I swear.” I said and his face darkened.

“What do you mean? Did he touch you?”

“No! shit, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that after _He_ hurt me at that party, I never want anyone else to touch me. Liam, he never hurt me. I just, I want you to know that I don’t, I never wanted Liam.” I said and he pulled me into a hug.

I tried not to freak out.

I failed.

Zayn pulled away from me.

“I’m sorry I accused you of something like that. I knew you’d been raped and I don’t know why I blamed it on you.” He said, petting my hair.

I felt sick.

“So, how did you do on that test?” He asked.

I leaned over the side of the bed as everything I’d had that day came back up.


	52. Harry

Harry

“Why are you so dressed up?” Mike asked and I scoffed before fixing my polo.

“I’m not dressed up.” I said with a sigh before running my hands through my hair to straighten out some of the curls.  
“Now, can you please drive me to Niall’s?” I asked.

“Going to see your boyfriend huh?” He asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Mike, I’ve told you a thousand times, Niall’s not my boyfriend.” I said exasperatedly.

“Wow, when did you get a voice?’ He asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Are you going to drive me or not?” I asked and he shrugged.

“When’s the last time you spent any time with Ashley?” He asked and I rolled my eyes.

“When’s the last time you weren’t stuck up her ass?” I asked and he flipped me off.

“Come on, I'll drive you to your boyfriends house.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“I hate you.” I sneered and he sneered back as we got into the car.

“So uh… what do you and Niall talk about?” He asked as we turned onto Niall’s street.

“Just stuff… Why?” I asked.

“Just wondering.”

“We don’t talk about you if that’s what you were wondering.” I said and he gripped the wheel tighter.

“Why would you talk about me?” He asked.

“Probably because you’re the reason he’s going to fail freshman year.” I said nonchalantly.

“It’s not my fault. Alright?” He said and I raised my eyebrow.

“I get it, no need to get hostile because you have a student failing your first class.” I said and he stopped in front of Niall’s house.

“Alright, get the hell out. I’ve got to go pick up Ashley.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“It’s like you’re in love with the little twerp.” I said and he pushed me back into the seat.

“Don’t say shit like that. Do you realize how fucking sick you sound?” He asked and I wheezed.

“Sorry, please let me go.” I choked and he moved his arm.

“Have fun.” He said, and I straightened out my shirt, trying to correct my heart thudding in my chest.

Mike was such a fucking weirdo.

 

I rang the doorbell, looking down at my shirt and Zayn opened the door. His hair was disheveled but he had no visible bruising.

I guess that was progress.

“Hey Zayn. “ I said and he wrung his hands.

“Uh- Niall’s not really up to having guests right now Harry.” Zayn said and I wrinkled my eyebrows.

“Is he sick? He was fine yesterday.” I said and Zayn bit his lip.

“When’s the last time you saw him Harry?” He asked and I thought back.

“Before math class. So around two. Why?” I asked.

“Uh… No reason. I’m really sorry-”

“Zayn, let him in.” I heard Liam say.

“But Liam”

“Just let him in. He could help.” Liam said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

Help how?

 

Zayn let me in and I ran up to Niall’s room.

“Hey Ni-” I began as I pushed the door opened and he flinched. He was laying in bed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as I sat on the edge of his bed and he tried to scoot up the bed, but winced.

“Nothing.” He said and I picked at the lint balls on his bed.

“You know, when I first got here, it sounded like you hurt yourself, like how I had at the beginning of the year.” I said and he shook his head.

“I ain’t got the balls for that.” He said softly.

“What happened?” I asked and he shrugged.

“What are you talking about?” He asked and I sat criss-crossed.

“You seem, different. You changed Niall. You’re not you right now.” I said softly. Part of me knew how much it hurt to have people tell you things you already knew. But I also knew that no one but Gemma had asked me about it and I’d tried to kill myself.

“I haven’t been me in long time.” He said, his voice distant.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“What do you think Harry? God. I wasn’t like this. I wasn’t… I had friends and a life and a mom and dad. Now look at me.” He said, pressing the heel of his palm into his eyes.

“You have friends now. You have me and Louis and Zayn and Liam.” I said and he scoffed.

“Niall, what happened?” I asked, my voice forceful.

“You remember that day, the day you… you know?” He asked, his voice hollowing out.

“Uh yeah. What about it?” I asked.

“Well, the Saturday before that, uh… I.” He shook his head and took a deep breath.

“My parents were fighting again, I couldn’t even remember what it was about now… But I couldn’t take it; My mom always said I was too sensitive. I uh, I decided that I needed to get out. I just had to get away from the yelling. So I left, I went to a house party, thinking that maybe I could have a couple of beers, just forget you know?” He said and I felt something uncomfortable curl in my stomach.

“I’d had a lot to drink… and the party wasn’t making me feel better, so i… I went upstairs to sleep it off. I was in a little girl’s room I think. The blankets were rainbow and the carpet was white.”

Ashley’s room.

“This guy… He must have been the one throwing the party. He came in and woke me up. He knew I was underaged and that I shouldn’t have been there. I just wanted to leave. I wanted to sober up a little you know? Then I was going to go home.” He took a deep breath and when he began again; his eyes were distant, as if he were reliving the moment.

“He promised that if I did something for him he wouldn’t tell on me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to get into trouble. My parents would have killed me you know? He pushed me back on the bed and took my clothes off. He kept calling me Princess… I didn’t… I didn’t wan t him to touch me. I just wanted to go home. But fuck if he didn’t fuck me anyway.” He spat out the last part as if he were sick with it.

I felt my stomach rolling as well.

Mike raped Niall.

My step brother raped my best friend.

I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around him.

He flinched before melting into the hug.  
“He had the nerve to be my fucking math teacher.” He said, shaking.

“Fuck Niall…” I whispered and he tucked his head into my chest.

“Yesterday, he remembered what he did. And he did it again Harry. He fucked me again and I couldn’t stop him because he was having a dilemma.” He said and I heard a knock on the door.

“Niall, do you want something to eat?” Zayn asked and Niall shook his head.

“I wanna sleep.” He whispered and I nodded.

“Have a good nap Niall. I'll be on my way.” I said and Zayn nodded at me.

 

I couldn’t wait to get out of the car, everything in me couldn’t wait to get away from Mike.

“what’s wrong with you?” Mike asked as I walked into the house and I turned on him.

“What the fuck do you mean what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” I yelled and Mike set Ashley down gently.

“Go upstairs ash.” He said and she looked between us before going upstairs.

“What’s wrong with you queer?” He asked and I snapped, launching onto him.

“How could you! How fucking could you, you sicko.” I yelled, throwing punches at him and he grabbed my wrist painfully sharp. I could feel him breaking skin on some more recent cuts.

“Ow.” I whimpered and he threw me to the floor.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asked and I sat up on my elbows.

“What’s wrong with me? You fucking raped Niall.” I accused and his face turned white.

“Did he say that?” He asked.

“God, you’re disgusting.” I said.

“He’s a fucking liar. How could you believe him over me?” He said.

“Because he’s fucking hurt. And you did it. God Mike. You’re so sick. And you always call me gay. You’re gay mike.”  

“I’m not gay Harry.” He said.

“Mike, just admit it. You’re gay. God.” I said and his face turned red.

“I’m not fucking gay.” He said.

“Yes you are. And I’m going to tell mom.” I said and he grabbed my arm, throwing me against the wall.

“No you won’t.” He said through his teeth.

“Yes I will creep. You have no idea what you did to Niall. I’m going to tell everyone.” I said and he slapped me. My head bounced off of the wall and I looked back at him.

“I'll tell mom Harry. I'll tell everyone how much of a queer you are. I'll tell mom about what really happened that day in that closet. I'll tell them how you were found. I’ll tell them about you and Nick.”

“Nothing happened between me and Nick.” I said, my voice wavering.

“That doesn’t matter. Do you know how happy they would be to get rid of you? You have no idea how much mom wished you had actually finished yourself off.”

“That’s not true.” I whimpered, trying to get out of his grip.

“Yes it is. No one wants you here Harry. No mom, not dad, not Gemma and definitely not me. Why do you think mom and dad are never home? Why do you think Gemma hasn’t come back to visit; because you are an annoying, clawing needy little parasite, sucking the energy out of everyone. No one wants you Harry. No one.”

“Shut up.” I said, my voice cracking.

“It’s true.”

“You’re gay too. Why are you doing this to me?” I whimpered.

“I’m not gay harry. God, I’m nothing like you.” He said.

“Then why’d you rape-”

“Mike? Can we take a bath now? Why is Harry crying?” Ashley said and Mike dropped me.

I fell onto my butt.

“Of course Princess. Let’s go.” He said, picking her up.

He left me to cry on the floor.


	53. Louis

Louis

I tapped my fingers impatiently against my forearms. I hadn’t had a hit in a couple of hours and I was aching for it.

I took a deep breath, trying to settle the rolling in my stomach. I made my way into a gas station and went to the bathroom.

I rubbed at my tired eyes before running my hands through my greasy hair. I needed a wash really bad. I rubbed some soap on my body to hastily clean up before checking my appearance.

I was as good as I was going to get.

I wonder if Liam would let me shower.

Probably not, with Zayn not home anymore, it’d be a no.

I wondered briefly where Zayn would have wondered off to. It’d been almost a month and a half and I still had yet to see Zayn out here. Maybe he finally went home.

 

I pulled my hair out of my eyes before leaving the store. I wrapped my hands around my stomach, it was hurting really bad.

 

I looked around.

It must be calling for snow soon, the sky was bearing down hard.

It was going to be my birthday soon.

 

I pulled my jacket around me tightly and swallowed before going out to hunt for something to take.

 

I walked through Wal-mart, my hands deep in my pockets. It was way warmer in here than it was out there. I walked up the aisles slowly, marveling at the toys.

Daisy really wanted this new doll for Christmas.

And Phoebe had been eyeing this bracelet kit for a month.

I wonder what it would be like to show up at Christmas with this stuff.

I made my way to the sports aisle to see a regulation soccer ball.

I really wanted this. I remember asking Mom for it at the beginning of the year.   
She said no obviously, we had no money then, Daniel hadn’t had a job in months and mom was too flighty with her money. I actually couldn’t tell you what she did for a living.

My stomach growled, but I ignored it in favor of kicking the ball around a bit.

My handle wasn’t like it used to be back in school, but it wasn’t that bad.

 

_“Alright Lou, kick the ball alright?” Mark said, kicking at the ball. I fell on my butt and he laughed._

_“You’re okay Lou, try again.” He said, jogging over to me._

_“You okay Champ?” He asked and I nodded._

_“Yeah Daddy, cept my knee. Kiss it?” I asked, batting my eyes at him and he kissed it gently._

_“Come on.” He said and I put my hands down behind me._

_“Daddy, you forgot to kiss something.” I said and he raised his eyebrow._

_“What Lou?” He asked and I tossed my hair behind me, well attempted. He’d had my hair cut earlier that week._

_“You forgot to kiss my face Daddy.” I said and he rolled his eyes._

_“You didn’t fall on your face honey.” He said, ruffling his hands through my hair._

_“I know Daddy… But still.” I said and he sighed but leaned down._

_I caught his lips and he pulled away._

_“Louis, why did you just kiss me like that?” He asked, leaning down to my height and I sat up._

_“That’s how I’m supposed to kiss Daddy.” I said_

_“Louis, where’d you learn that?” He asked._

_I shrugged and he ran his hands through my hair._

_“You don’t let anyone kiss you like that. Not even mommy and daddy. You don’t let anyone kiss you or touch you unless you want them to alright?” He said and I nodded._

_“I’m going to get the ball alright?” He said and I nodded before watching him run for the ball._

“Hey, what are you doing here?” I looked up to see one of the employees.

“Sorry.” I said, and my stomach growled.

“Are you hungry?” The man asked and I shook my head.

“I’m fine.” I said, wrapping my coat around me self-consciously.

“Come on. I'll get you a sandwich.” I followed the man and slid into a booth.

He came back with food and I ate it quickly.

It’d been a while since I ate.

“You know, food ain't cheap.” He said and I wiped my mouth self-consciously.

“I don’t have any money.” I said and he leaned towards me, his fingers tapping.

“I’m sure you could find another way to pay me back.” I sighed and nodded before letting him lead me to the back.

“You know, nothing in life is free. You have to work for everything.” He said as he slid between my lips.

How did I find myself on my knees in the back of a Walmart?


	54. Niall

Niall

“Niall?” Zayn knocked on my door softly and I sighed.

“Yeah?” I asked and he walked in cautiously, Liam on his coat-tails.

“How are you feeling?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Do you think you’re up to going to school?” He asked and I shrugged again.

“Niall, the school called, you can’t miss any more days. You have to go. Besides, it’s only a couple of more days before Christmas break. You just go for a couple of days and you’re done. Do you think you’re up for it?” Liam asked and I shrugged.

I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. I didn’t feel like moving for a long time.

“Come on, You’ve gotta go.” Zayn said and I sighed.

“Fine.” I whispered before kicking my blankets off.

I pulled some sweatpants on and made my way to the car. I was going to be late for first period.

I ate lunch with Harry in silence. We both kept our head down, and didn’t really talk.

It was weird.

 

I made my way to math class and sat in the back. Damn my grades.

I kept my eyes trained on my desk, trying to avoid Mr. Twist’s gaze. I only had a couple more weeks until the semester ended and I wouldn’t have to be in his class anymore. Sure I’d fail math, but I’d get to take it again with someone else.

The bell rang and I began to pack up my stuff.

“Niall, stay after please.” He said, his back facing me and I continued to make my way to the door.

“I said stay Mr. Horan.” He said, turning on me quickly. He moved to the door slamming it closed before grabbing my shirt and pulling me away from the door.

“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice wavering.

“I need to have a chat with you.” He said and I shook my head.

“You said if I… if I let you… you said I’d be done.” I said and he ran his hands through his hair, his hand clutching his hip.

“You broke a rule.” He said and I raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t- what are?”  
“You told Niall. You fucking told someone. I told you not to tell anyone.” He said and my face blanched.

The only person I told was Harry.

Harry told him.

“How.. how do you know?” I asked.

“He told me. He confronted me, talking about how I hurt you. I haven’t even hurt you yet. I should kill you for telling.” He said and I backed up into his wall.

“I- I- I didn’t.” I began and he punched the wall behind my head.

“Shut up!” He shouted and I whimpered.

“You’re going to learn to keep your mouth shut.” He hissed as he unbuckled his pants. He pushed me down onto my knees and I squeezed my eyes shut.

I pulled my pants up shakily and I heard someone knock on the door.

“You do not tell anyone. This time it isn’t a warning.” He said and I nodded, my hands shaking.

 

“Mike! Open the door. Mike!” I snatched opened the door to see Harry standing in front of me. His hand dropped down to his sides as he just stared at me. I pushed past him, keeping my eyes on the ground.

“Wait, Niall, wait.” He said grabbing my arm and I flinched.

“Why did you tell him?” He asked.

“What…” Harry said and I turned on him.

“Why did you tell him what I told you? How could you?” I asked and he took a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, I swear, I just….”

“You just what Harry?” I asked and he looked down.

“I just wanted to help. I wanted to make it better. Make it stop.” He whispered.

“How do you know him?” I asked gravely.

“What?”

“How do you know him?” I asked again.

“He’s my brother.” He said and I swallowed.

“You’re related to him? Of fucking course you are. Please just stay out of my life before something worse happens.” I said before turning away from him.

“Niall… please.” Harry whispered and I wrapped my arms around myself.

“I should have never befriended you. I should have left you alone. I should have known that nothing good could come from hanging around you. But no, I became your friend and look where it’s got me. Please, just stop. Just stop.” I said before limping away from him.

 

“Hey Niall.” Liam said as I limped to the car.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked as I climbed into the car. I rested my head on my knees as I felt myself start to cry.

I wasn’t okay.


	55. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really bad non-con. One participant is an under aged child. It is explicitly described. Please watch out. It's very trigger-y. BTW, this happened before the events in the chapter before this, Niall. I just forgot to put it in that order, i'll probably go back and change it.

Mike

 

I paced my room floor, my heart still racing in my chest. Niall told Harry. He fucking told. I took a deep breath and opened my door. Harry was asleep now, having cried himself to sleep about an hour ago after locking himself in his room. Ashley was asleep too, tucked safely in her sheets. I couldn’t go on like I’d been before. Harry’d connect the dots soon. Or he’d off himself and everything would resolve itself.

That was a terrible thought to think. I didn’t want him dead.

I just wanted Ashley.

I opened my door and crept towards Ashley’s room. I couldn’t hear any movement from Harry’s room. I opened her door and she looked up at me, rubbing her eyes.

“Mike?” She asked and I swore under my breath, she was supposed to be asleep.

“Shh. It’s okay honey, I was just checking on you. Make sure you were alright.” I said and she smiled softly.

“I’m okay.” She said and I crept into the room, going to sit on her bed.

“Mike, what are you doing?” she asked and I shushed her.

“Just making sure you get back to sleep princess.” I said before running my hands through her hair. She sighed but began to drift back to sleep.

I ran my hands through her hair before letting it drift down her sides. She was wearing green Tinkerbell pajamas. I slipped them down softly.

Looking wasn’t hurting.

I slipped her underwear down and laid down beside her.

I slid my hand over her bare hip before kissing the soft skin there. I swallowed and let my thumb trace over her side.  I let my fingers graze the bottom of her tummy, drawing insignificant patterns. She smiled softly in her sleep and I let myself kiss her softly.

I wasn’t hurting her.

I unbuckled my pants and shimmied them down a little. She rolled over onto her side. I slid down onto her bed until I was lying beside of her.

She was so beautiful.

She pressed back into my chest and I rested my head on top of hers. I could feel the heat radiating between us and I groaned softly as I pressed my hips forward.

I smoothed my hand over her exposed lower back and over the small swell of her ass.

I needed more.

She wasn’t awake. She wouldn’t remember any of this. This wouldn’t hurt her.

This won’t hurt her.

I slid closer to her, feeling myself slip between her legs. I could feel her against me and I had to keep my hips from snapping into her.

I couldn’t enter her. It would hurt her. She wasn’t ready for that. She was still too small and fragile.

I pulled her closer to me, my arm wrapping around her body and let myself begin to glide between her thighs. The dry friction kept me grounded. If I lost control, I’d hurt her.

I won’t hurt her.

The friction became too much and I could feel the heat radiating from between her thighs. I reached to her bedside and grabbed the lotion I kept there to make sure her skin was moisturized before spreading it over myself and a little between her thighs.  I slipped easier and I pulled her even closer and I began to move my hips in earnest.

I could feel myself tumbling towards the edge and I reached around and stroked her softly until her body seized. She whimpered softly, stirring a little and I pushed myself through her thighs once more before I came. I clamped my eyes closed as I leaned my head against her, the blood rushing through my ears drowning everything else out. After a couple of minutes I pulled away from her, pulling my pants up. I pulled my shirt off, wiping my mess from between her thighs before pulling her panties and pajama bottoms up. I kissed her eyelids softly and smoothed her hair down before going back to my room.

 

The panic didn’t hit me until I got back to my room. I know if I didn’t do something soon, I’d hurt her next time.

But I didn’t hurt her.

I needed a release.

Maybe I should teach Niall a little lesson.


	56. Harry

Harry

Mike slammed the door as he left and I winced. He didn’t tell us where he was going and I shuddered. Because of me, he knew where Niall lived.

He could go hurt Niall again.

And it would be my fault again.

It was always my fault, everything was my fault.

Because I was always wrecking something.  I pressed him to tell me what happened and look where it got him.

Mike raped him again.

I was such a fucking screw up.

I just couldn’t make it stop. I needed it to stop.

Niall told me to stop. Stop meddling, stop trying, stop breathing.

I needed to make it stop.

I headed upstairs, going into my room.

I was going to make it stop.

I opened my drawer, pulling the knife good old Grimshaw had gifted me. Niall had taken it from me, but in my desperation, I took it back.

I pulled out some pills and put it on my bed before sitting down crossed legged.

Hopefully the pills would make me pass out faster.

I could feel my chest constrict as looked down at the new instruments of death. It was different last time, everything had been done with haste and anger. I was eager and angry and fed up by Max.

There were worse things out there than Max, my brother one of them. I was one of them. I was weak and I was a burden and I was poisonous to everything I touched.

I felt tears prick my eyes painfully and I groaned. Even in this I was weak.

I opened the pill bottle and shook the pills out on my bedspread. There were twenty three left. Hopefully that’d do it quickly.

I grabbed a handful of pills and tossed them back, gagging on the pasty taste of not having water with them. I picked up the blade and pressed it firmly into the pit of my wrist.

“Harry?” I looked up at my door to see Ashley standing in front of me.

“What do you want?” I asked shallowly, looking down at the knife that was drawing a bead of blood to the surface.

“Harry, i- I had a really weird dream last night and I hurt.” She whispered and I shrugged.

“Everybody hurts Ashley.” I said sardonically.

“Why don’t you tell Mike?” I asked and she shook her head.

“I can’t. Please Harry.” I put the knife down.

“Where do you hurt?” I asked and she looked down.

“Down there.” She whispered and my eyebrows furrowed, causing me to get off the bed.

“Where?” I asked again insistently.

She looked up at me, tears in her eyes.

“Don’t make me say.” She whispered and I kneeled beside of her.

“What was your dream about?” I asked softly.

“Mike was laying in bed with me. He was behind me, doing something and I didn’t know what, but it kind of hurt. He was touching me.” She whispered before taking a breath.

My brain clicked in realization. Mike was hurting Niall, because he wanted to hurt Ashley.

“Look.” She whispered before dropping her pajama pants. The inside of her thighs were red and looked as if she were going to bruise.

“When was your dream honey?” I asked.

“Last night.” She whispered and I sighed.

“I just want mommy to come home.” She said with a sob and I pulled her into my chest while grabbing my cellphone.

“Hello? Niall’s not reall-“ I heard Zayn begin.

“Hey… it’s Harry. I need some help.” I whispered into the receiver and he tsked.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“My little sister and I need a place to crash… something bad happened.” I whispered and I heard a rustle over the phone.

“Alright, where are your parents?”

“They’re not in town. They won’t be home for another week and we can’t stay here.” I said softly.

“Alright, tell me your address. I'll be there.” He said and I recited my address softly.

“Zayn you should hurry.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Ok, I took some pills and they’re starting to make my stomach hurt.” I said softly and he groaned.

“Alright, how many?” He asked and I looked over the pills on my bed.

“Just about five.” I said.

“Alright, you should be fine sweetie. Just stay alert until I get there.” He said and I nodded.

“Ok.” I whispered.

 

I heard knocking in my door and I stood up, my head a little wobbly before heading to the door. I opened the door and Zayn walked in cautiously.

“You okay?” He asked and I nodded. I went upstairs and grabbed Ashley some clothes before going to Zayn’s car.

Zayn opened the door and I stopped in the doorway, looking at Niall. He stared at me before looking down and I sighed.


	57. Louis

Louis

I rubbed my hands together, blowing on them. It was getting really cold, the sky bearing down and I sighed. It was definitely going to snow today. I could feel it. I really didn’t want to be out here. I took a deep breath and sighed. I didn’t want to go back into that Wal-mart, that guy would probably be working and I really wouldn’t fancy sucking dick in the snow. I surmised I’d go to the mall. I could stay for a while and wouldn’t run the risk of getting kicked out.

I bowed my head and tucked my hands in my pocket before walking into the Mall. The air was instantly warmed and I sighed before walking through the building. The Christmas display was huge, taking up the center of the mall and I sighed.

It was pretty.

I smiled, I could never hate Christmas, before taking the escalator. It was better on the second floor and the food court was up there. Hopefully there would be some free samples.

I began to walk through the various stores before heading to the food court. My stomach grumbled and I smiled as I saw the Chinese place was definitely giving out free samples.  I grabbed a free sample and ate it before walking towards the trashcan when I heard it.

“Louis!” I turned around to see Phoebe running towards me.

“Phoebs.” I said, smiling as I grabbed her into a big hug.

“I’ve missed you.” She sniffled into my jacket and I hugged her tighter.

“I’ve missed you too.” I whispered.

“Phoebe.” I heard someone call and I stood up straight.

“Oh, it’s you.” My mom said and I let go of Phoebe.

“What do you want?” She asked and I moved away from Phoebe.

“Nothing, she found me.” I said and she smirked.

“Well, you’re looking positively pathetic.” I looked down at my ratty jacket and pulled it closed. She was a little bigger, her stomach protruding from her new found Baby bump. I wonder how long she’d been pregnant before she told us.

“You’re looking Fat.” I said and she sneered.

“Did you find he- oh thank God.” I heard Daniel say and I stepped away from Phoebe as he kneeled in front of her.

“Don’t you ever do that to me ever again.” He said, gripping her shoulders and she nodded.

“Sorry Daddy.”

“It’s okay princess.” He said, hugging her before looking up at me.

“Who’s your frien- Lou?” He asked and I tucked my arms around myself protectively.

“Yeah.” I whispered.

“Jesus, you look so skinny. You must be starving.” He said and I shook my head.  
“I’m fine.” I said.

“Please Lou, come have lunch with us, we’re just Christmas shopping.” He said.

“I don’t have any money.” I said and my mom scoffed.

“It’s fine, come on, I'll pay.” He said before dragging me to their table.

“Honey, get me a sweet tea?” My mom asked and he nodded before kissing my mom on the lips.

I fidgeted in my seat before looking down at my sleeves. They were ripped up.

“Hey Louis.” Daisy said and I looked up at her, half a smile gracing my face.

“Hey dais.” I said softly and she smiled hugging me.

The scowl on my mom’s face deepened.

“Here’s the food.” Daniel said, dropping the tray onto the table before handing my mom her food. He passed the girls their little plates before handing me a plate of Chinese food.

“It’s kind of like having the family back together.” Daniel said softly before sitting next to my mom.

I stared down at the tray.

“Louis, I’m snack monitor in Mrs. Coleman’s class.” Phoebe said and I smiled.

“That’s great Phoebs. Who’s Mrs. Coleman?” I asked.

“She’s our daycare teacher. She’s super nice.” Daisy said.

“But she’s really fat.” Phoebe added.

“That’s not nice Phoebs. I’m glad you like Daycare.” I said.

“Yeah, it’s great. Mommy makes us lunch before we go, but she doesn’t make sandwiches as good as you do.” Phoebe said and I smiled.

“So Louis, what have you been up too?” My mom asked and I shrugged.

“Nothing.” I whispered.

“Oh really?” She asked and I nodded before looking down at the plate in front of me. I ate a forkful carefully.

“Eat some more Lou.” Daniel said and I blushed.

“It’s good to see you.” He said and I nodded.

“It’s good to see you too.” I said softly.

“So, Are you still a slut?” My mom asked and I placed my fork down.

“Johannah, please don’t start.” Daniel said.

“It’s a legitimate question. I was just wondering.” She said and I pushed my plate away.

“I’ve- I’ve gotta go.”

“Louis, don’t go, please.” Daniel said and I shook my head before standing up.

“Louis, where are you going? Don’t leave!” I heard the girls yell but I kept my head down, shaking my head softly.

I walked away, my heart pounding as tears began to prick my eyes.

No. She wasn’t going to make me cry anymore. She wasn’t going to break me.

I emptied my stomach of the meal and I felt a little bit better.

I tucked my hands in my pocket as I made my way outside. Snow began to drift down softly and I hunched my shoulders against the precipitation.

 

I was going to get blasted until I couldn’t remember anything.

 

_“Johannah, can I talk to you?” Mark asked as I sat on the couch._

_“Yeah, sure.” I said and he crossed his arms._

_“What the fuck happened to Louis?” He asked and I peeked my head over the back of the couch._

_“Why did he kiss me?” He asked and she slammed a cabinet._

_“He did what? You kissed him?” she asked, charging towards me and he grabbed her shoulder._

_“Don’t do that. Don’t blame him. Someone told him it was what Daddy’s are supposed to do. Who the fuck taught him that? Who touched him?” Mark asked._

_“He’s being dramatic. He wasn’t raped. He’s just crying out for attention, as always.” She said._

 

I shook my head and tried to restrain a sob.

“Hey, you got something good?” I asked Carlos and he nodded before showing me a bag. I got into his car and he headed out.

 

I raised my hand to my nose to feel blood seeping from it. I looked at the blood and shook my head.

 My heart was racing and I looked up at the blurring snow.

This was it. I was going to fucking die.

I shook my head, trying to focus my thoughts.

I had to make it to a safe place. I had to go somewhere.

I had to go to Liam’s house.

 

I took a staggered step, my skin seeming like it was burning. I shrugged off my jacket as I trudged through the snow. It was really coming down and the world was spinning around me.

I was going to die.

I didn’t want to die.

 

_“Louis, it’s just us now. It’s just us. We have to take care of each other.” My mom whispered to me through her tears and I nodded as she hugged me close to her._

_“When’s Daddy coming back?” I whispered._

_“He isn’t. So, you can’t leave me. You can’t leave me alone.” She whispered._

I collapsed into the snow and turned onto my back.

The snow drifted over my head and I sighed as my heart beat too fast in my chest.  

 

_“Hey Dad… what are you doing?” I asked as I stopped in the kitchen. Mark was standing in front of the phone, his hands clenched by his side._

_“I’ve gotta go out alright?” He said and I furrowed my eyebrows._

_“Why?” I asked and he shook his head._

_“I’ve just gotta go. Watch the girls alright?” he said and I nodded. He grabbed his jacket and his keys before taking off. I picked up the phone, it hadn’t been on the hook, before moving to the window._

_Snow was drifting down lazily._

_“Right there, yeah. I love you so fucking much Daniel.” I heard my mom breath and I hung up the phone quickly._

 

Snowflakes covered my eyelids, getting caught in my lashes and I closed my eyes, the world spinning out.

I felt weightless.


	58. Zayn

Zayn

“Alright Harry, why don’t you and your sister come into the kitchen with me huh? I'll make you something to eat.” I said softly, shepherding them onto the kitchen.

“Do you want to join us Niall?” I asked softly and he shook his head before going upstairs. I don’t know what happened to him today. All I know is that he came home today quiet and wouldn’t talk to me or Liam.

Liam went out to go get some groceries before the storm. Well, not really, because it had begun to snow.

“So, uh… what do you want to eat?” I asked and Harry shrugged. He looked tired, but his eyes were wide, as if he were afraid to fall asleep.

“Harry, what did you take?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Just over the counter pain pills, ibuprophen. My mom wouldn’t let me have anything else. Thought I would try to kill myself again.” He whispered and I nodded, sitting beside of him.

“Alright, that’s fine. I can work with that. You shouldn’t be too bad off, you just need to hydrate, and sleep it off alright?” I said softly.

“I can sleep?” I whispered and he nodded.

“It was only five ibuprophen. You should be fine honey. Why’d you take that many anyway?” I asked and he looked down at the table, pulling at his sleeves. I looked over at his little sister, who was huddled close to him.

“Harry, is that blood?” I asked, grabbing his hand and pulling back his sleeve. He whimpered as my eyes grazed over his cuts. Some were fresh, others were fading. I noticed a faint line that went from the inside of his wrist to the middle of his forearm.

“I uh- I was going to kill myself.” He whispered and I tsked as I looked over his wrist. I could see a drying spot where blood had been flowing in the pit of his wrist.

“Why?” I asked softly.

“Because everything is my fault, I’m a screw up and I’m the reason Niall got hurt.” He whispered, burying his face in his other sleeve.

“Harry, what do you me-”

“Zayn, Zayn come here.” I heard Liam yell and I got up from my chair. I scrambled into the living room and stopped quickly. I felt Harry bump into me.

“Louis?” Harry asked softly and I wrinkled my eyebrow.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Help me get him into the bathroom.” He said and I nodded, helping him upstairs.

Liam turned on the shower and grabbed a towel.

“He’s burning up.” He said as he began running the cloth over his face.

“What’s wrong with him?” I heard Harry ask.

“Harry, go downstairs.” I said.

“No, what’s wrong with Louis.” He asked.

“What’s going on?” I heard Niall croak.

“Go downstairs.” I said again, my hands trembling.

“Zayn, Come on, we need to help him. We can’t take him to the hospital, come on Zayn.” Liam said and I nodded.

“What’s going on?”

“Zayn! He’s fucking seizing. Do something!” Liam yelled and I flinched.

“Zayn, what?”

“Go downstairs Now!” I yelled and Niall flinched but headed downstairs. Harry followed.

Louis stopped shaking and I opened the cabinet, grabbing some Xanax.

I opened his mouth and stuck the pill in his mouth before making him swallow. We needed to get his heart down.

 

I heard him moan and I looked down at him. He had blood stains across his face and his skin was flushed pink.

“Are you okay?” I asked and he groaned.

What’s going on?” He groaned and I sighed, my head collapsing on the side of the tub.

“You overdosed on Coke asshole.” I said with a desperate chuckle.

“You’re such an asshole.” I said, wrapping my arms around him.

 

“Zayn, who’s that little girl, and why is Harry here?” Liam asked as I cleaned up the bathroom.

“That’s Harry’s little sister, something bad happened at Harry’s house and he can’t go back until his parents get home.” I said while scrubbing at Louis’ blood.

“Why is that our problem?” He asked and I sighed, sitting on my haunches.

“Because, whatever happened to Niall, Harry knows what it is and it has something to do with that little girl. I don’t want to send them home so something else can happen.” I said and he sighed, leaning his head against the doorframe.

“Why doesn’t he call his parents?” Liam asked and I shrugged.

“They’re not in town. Something happened, and we’ve got to figure out what it is.” I said and he sighed, running his hand over his shaved head.

“Any more kids and we’re going to be running an orphanage.” He relented before pushing away from the doorframe.

“Louis’ asleep in his room, so harry and his sister will have to sleep on the couch.”

“Or Niall’s room.” I said and he nodded.

“Alright well, I'll go get Niall’s room cleaned up. Dinners on the stove.” I said and he nodded before heading downstairs to put the groceries away. I picked up the rest of the supplies before heading into Niall’s room.

That little girl couldn’t sleep on the bed with them.

I began to straighten up Niall’s room, picking his dirty clothes off the floor.

He’d been feeling bad for a couple of days and his room had become a pigsty of discarded pajama pants.  I grabbed a blanket, beginning to lay it on the floor when I spotted something red under the bed. I bent down and grabbed it.

It was a bloody pair of underwear.

A newly bloodied pair, not even a week old.

Whoever hurt him, hurt him again.

I sat down on my haunches, trying to reconcile this bit of information.

Harry knew who did this to Niall.

I took a deep breath and stood up, going downstairs, tucking the underwear in my pocket.

“You boys want to head up to bed? We’ve all had an excitable night.” I said, wringing my hands.

“Sure Zayn.” Niall whispered before heading upstairs. Harry headed after him, carrying a sleeping Ashley.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked, pressing his hands into mine.

“I need… I need it.” I whispered, and he reached into my pocket, pulling out my lighter.

“Are you sure?” He asked and I nodded, feeling everything go fuzzy at the edges. He flicked the lighter against my wrist and I sighed in relief.

“Zayn, this isn’t healthy.” He whispered and I brushed it off.

“I’m fine.” I said before going upstairs and knocking on the door.

“Niall… can we talk?” I asked and he sat up, his hands wrapped around his knees.

“What’s up?” He asked. Harry was sitting on the floor next to a sleeping Ashley.

“Harry, why are you here tonight?” I asked softly and he looked down at the quilt, pulling at a loose thread.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Does it have something to do with what happened to Niall?” I asked insistently and Niall tilted his head towards Harry.

“Harry, he didn’t…” Niall gasped and he shook his head.

“Not me.” He whispered into his forearm.

I watched as realization dawned on Niall’s face and I glanced over at the sleeping girl.

So whoever hurt him hurt her.

“He told me I reminded him of her… my hair color.” Niall whispered, his eyes wide and empty.

“Who’s he?” I asked desperately.

“I can’t say… he said he’d hurt me. I should have just let him do it again.” Niall said and I gripped my forearm tightly.

“Please, I promise, he’ll never hurt you again. Who’s been hurting you?” I asked.

“I can’t.” Niall whimpered.

“My Stepbrother. Mike Twist. He’s the one who did it.” Harry answered quickly.

“Harry, shut up.” Niall hissed.

“No! He hurt you and he hurt Ashley. I never want to see her look at me like she did today. We have to tell someone.” Harry whimpered.

“What’s going on?” Liam asked as he walked into the room.

“Liam…. Mike Twist. Why is that familiar?” I asked, wracking my brain.

“That’s Niall’s Math te-” His eyes caught a blaze.

“That son of a bitch. He’s the one who did Niall?” He asked.

“Wait… Liam wait.” I said as he began to storm downstairs.

“That fucking bastard, he hurt Harry?” He asked and I shook my head.

“His little sister. He’d been hurting Niall-”

“That fucking Prick. I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Liam, you can’t go out there tonight please.” I begged and he stomped to the counter, grabbing Harry’s address.

“Liam please… don’t go.” I said, grabbing his shoulders.

“Let me go Zayn.” He said and I shook my head.

“it’s too dangerous Liam. And they’re away from him now. Just wait please.”

“Get the fuck off of me Zayn.” He growled and I shook my head.

I could hear footsteps on the stairs.

“Don’t Go.”

I felt his hand connect with my cheek as I fell to the floor.

My hands were shaking as I watched as he grabbed his keys.

“Please, don’t leave me.” I whimpered as the door slammed closed.

“Louis… what-” I watched him disappear up the stairs and I put my head on my knees and cried.

He hit me.


	59. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a short chapter. I hope you don't mind. This big brute of a story is drawing to an end and will probably be done by the end of June, or beginning of July. It's already finished, i'm just too lazy to count how many chapters i have left.
> 
> Triggers: Domestic violence and Death. Not of a main character, don't worry.

Louis

I heard a commotion coming from downstairs and I tossed in my bed.

_“I can’t do this anymore Johanna.” I heard one of my mom’s ex-boyfriends yell._

_“Don’t go.” My mom begged and I pulled the blanket over my head._

_“I never wanted this. You know I didn’t. I told you to get rid of him.” He yelled and I sat up before scampering to the top of the stairs._

_“Please… we were going to start over. We were going to make this work.”_

_“What don’t you understand. I don’t want him and I don’t want you!” He yelled._

_“Please, don’t go. Please.” She begged and I heard the slap, practically felt it across my face._

I stood at the bottom of the stairs, snapped out of the trance I had been in. I wasn’t a little boy anymore. I was right here, right now.

I was still the frightened little boy I’d always been.

I watched as Liam slapped Zayn and he fell to the floor. Liam snatched the door opened, his grip deadly and I watched as the snow swirled around him.

How many times had I watched a man walk out a door and never come back?

Mark walked into the storm, and he left me.

They all left me.

I stormed back upstairs, racing into my room, and began to search through it until I could find what I needed.

I needed to get high.

‘Louis, you can’t do this. You almost died a few hours ago. You can’t go back’

_There was a knock at the door and I stood stock still._

_Mom doesn’t knock, and neither did dad._

_I opened the door to see a policeman standing at the door._

_“Is your mom here?” He asked softly and I shook my head._

 

I shook my head as I tried to find something, anything that would help me get high.

 

_“Jesus, we’re going to have to take you in. Is there anyone else here?” He asked._

_“Just my little sisters. So it’s just us two… basically.” I said, twisting around my crossed legs._

_“Louis? Louis where’s Mark? What’s wrong?” My mom asked as she made her way up the front porch. It was slippery and she was losing her balance._

“Louis? Where are you going?” I looked up to see Harry standing at the door.

“I- I was just going to see my mom.” I whispered and he shook his head.

“Are you going to get high?” He asked and I shrugged, feeling like I was a small child with his hands in the cookie jar.

“No, don’t go out there. Liam already left and you can’t go out there. You have to stay here. You can’t go get high.” He said and I shook my head.

“Come on kid, move out my way.” I said and he grabbed my arm.

“You’re going to die, you saw how close you were. I won’t lose you. Now, get back in bed.” He ordered and I instantly dropped onto the bed.

His hands were spread against my chest, all big and warm and I felt loved.

He could take care of me.


	60. Liam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is violence and homophobic slurs. Be safe.

Liam

I pulled up in front of the white house, adrenaline still thrumming through my veins. Snow was still falling around and there were no lights on in the house. I watched him pull up, and waited as he made his way into the house. I followed after, opening the door slowly and making my way inside. He had dropped his scarf on the couch before rushing upstairs.

“Ashley! Harry?” He called and I could feel the blood pump faster and hotter. This guy was sick.

“Ashley, princess! Where are you?” He asked before coming downstairs. He slowed as he made his way to the landing, where I was standing.

“Who are you?” He asked slowly, backpedaling up the stairs slowly.

“I’m the person who knows all your secrets.” I said and he raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, _kid_ , but you need to get out of here.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“I know that you raped Niall Horan, and I know what you did to your little sister, freak.” I said and he blanched.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I will call the cops if you don’t leave right this instance.” He said, his voice wavering with fear and I shook my head.

“No, you won’t.” I said, cracking my knuckles.

He ran up the stairs and I let the rage that was swelling in my chest to take over. I ran after him, grabbing his leg and pulling him down onto the floor. He tried to fight back, his fist scrambling for purchase and I hit him in the face.

I dragged him back downstairs, kicking him in the stomach when he landed on the first floor landing. He coughed but tried to stand up.

I grabbed his collar and shoved him against the wall.

“You’re fucking sick! Hurting those kids.” I yelled in his face, punching him over and over again.

“I’m sorry!” He yelled, mouth full of blood and I shoved him against the wall hard.

“No! You don’t know the meaning of sorry!” I yelled.

_“How could you!” my mother yelled at me and I stared at my feet._

_“No! Liam, look at me. This… this is serious. You hurt that little boy. You hurt him in a bad way.” She berated and I swallowed hard._

_“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to.” I whispered._

_“You didn’t mean to? You didn’t mean to stick your dick in a five year old kid?” My dad asked angrily._

_“He was six.” I whispered and my mom groaned._

_“It doesn’t matter how old the fucking kid was Liam. It was still sick. I always knew you were a faggot. But I didn’t know you were this disgusting.” He said and I swallowed._

_“I’m sorry.” I apologized and he grabbed my collar._

_“No! you don’t know the meaning of sorry.” He spoke through clenched teeth before punching me in the mouth._

_My mom just left the room._

I felt my fist slip against the blood on his skin as I was brought out of my revelry.  I shook my head and leaned forward into Mike’s face.

“I should kill you. Drop you into the river. No one would find you until it thawed in the spring. Everyone would think it was a suicide. I could get away with it. I could.” I muttered and he shook his head, muttering feebly

“No… please… No.”

“Shut up!” I yelled, kicking him in the stomach.

“You don’t deserve mercy. You ruined that kid’s life. You fucked him up. He’ll never have a normal life and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT.” I yelled, kicking him again and he coughed.

“You are disgusting, scum of the fucking earth and you don’t deserve to live. You don’t deserve to live Liam.” I paused, his shirt slipping out of my bloody grip as I realized what I just said. I looked down at him, and there was curly brown hair where there had once been blonde.

It was fifteen years old me, still frightened and confused, staring up at my father, who wanted to hurt me, to kill me.

“Please don’t… I don’t want to die. I’m sorry.” Mike whimpered out in an incoherent stream and I backed away from him.

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” I whimpered, hardly able to form words. My face was bloodied and I’m sure my nose was broken._

_“I don’t wanna die, please.” I whimpered and he dropped me on the ground._

_“You deserve to die Liam. You deserve to rot in hell!” He yelled and I flinched, curling in on myself. He turned away from me, just like my mother had._

_“You’re lucky they decided not to press charges Liam. Because there is nothing I could do right now short of killing you that could even come close to what they’d do to you if you were locked up. You’re moving into your aunt Margaret’s tomorrow. There’s no way I can let you stay next door to that boy anymore.” My father said before opening the door._

_“Once you leave, you’re dead to me.” He said before closing the door with a heavy finality._

“I should kill you… but I won’t. But if you come within so much as two hundred yards from Niall or Ashley, I will not be so kind. Now, I want you to go. You get out of this fucking town quick. Don’t look back, and don’t touch another fucking child. Understood?” I asked and he nodded.

“Thank you.” He muttered.

“I’m not doing this for you. Don’t thank me.” I said, kicking him once more in the stomach before leaving the house.

My mind was a frantic mix of emotions and I felt like at any minute I was going to break down. I drove with my chest pressed to the wheel, peering through the snow.

It was one thing wanting to die.

It was another thing to have my life taken from Zayn because of a fucking snowstorm.

I knew that I deserved to die, but Zayn didn’t deserve to lose me. He deserved the right to leave me, the right to kick me out. But not for me to die. It’d be selfish, and I was so selfish to that boy already.

I slid into our driveway, letting the car idle for a minute before getting out and opening the door. Zayn’s eyes immediately turned onto me and I dropped to my knees, kissing his hip over and over again.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I sobbed against his hip bones and he held the back of my head.

“What did you do Liam?” He mumbled and I just muttered more apologizes


	61. Niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post, my internet went out last night. I think the problem is resolved so i should be back to my normal posting schedule. Please enjoy!

Niall

I heard Zayn and Liam arguing and I put my hands over my ears to silence it. There was the slam of a door and heavy footsteps on the stairs and Harry sat up.

“I think that’s Louis.” He said, wringing his fingers before getting up off of the floor.

“I'll be back.” He said and I nodded, watching him leave to see Louis.

“Where’d Harry go?” Ashley asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

“He went to see Louis.” I said, picking at the lint on my socks.

“He likes Louis. That’s why those mean boys beat him up. Because he likes other boys.” She said before sitting up.

“Do you like other boys?” She asked me and I shook my head.

“Mike didn’t like other boys either.” She said and I felt a chill run through my spine.

“Mike liked me though? Like Harry likes Louis?” She asked and I shook my head.

“Harry and Louis are different from you and Mike. What Mike did to you wasn’t good.” I explained softly, my throat rasping.

“Well, he kissed me like Daddy kissed mommy sometimes, and mommy and daddy like each other like Harry likes Louis. I was half asleep… does that count?” She asked and I sighed, tucking a piece of my too long hair behind my ear.

“No, it doesn’t.” I said softly and she cocked her head.

“You have hair like me, and eyes like me. Is that why Mike touched you?” She asked and I nodded, unsure of whether I should be telling this to a little kid. I could feel my throat tighten and tears prick at my eyes.

“I’m sorry Mike touched you because of me. I didn’t like when Mike touched me… it hurt, it must have really hurt you with the way they were yelling.” She said and I nodded, unable to keep in my sobs.

She climbed up on the bed with me, sitting cross-legged.

“My mom says I shouldn’t touch people without asking… so can I hug you?” She asked and I nodded.

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and squeezed me in a hug that felt like the ones that Harry gave. Surprisingly soft, yet rigid enough to give you support. It was a good hug. I started crying harder and I could feel her small body shaking with tears.

She pulled back with a deep breath, wiping her eyes.

“We’re going to be best friends now. We have to be. Mommy says that when you go through something very important together, you’re bound to be friends. This feels important enough.” She said and I nodded.

“Are you going to be cloudy now, like Harry?” She asked and I shook my head.

“I won’t if you don’t.” I whispered back and she nodded.

“I won’t. I was there the day Harry tried to go away.  It was scary.” She whispered, tucking her arms against her chest.

“I don’t want Harry to feel like that again. It’s scary.” She said softly.

“Me either. I don’t want to feel that way.” I whispered and she smiled.

“We’ll both be sunny, That way, we can keep Harry from being cloudy.” She said and I nodded.

Harry opened the door later, quirking up his eyebrows as Ashley laid on the bottom of my bed, tucked in a little ball. She was asleep.

“Why’s she up there?” He asked and I shrugged.

“She wanted to talk to me… about Mike.” I whispered and he bit at his index finger.

“How’s Louis?” I asked.

“Oh, now we’re talking again?” Harry asked and I picked at the lint on my socks.

“I’m sorry Harry, I… I didn’t know what to do and I overreacted.” I whispered and he shrugged.

“I was going to kill myself. I took some pills and I was going to slit my wrist… but Ashley came in and told me what happened… If I’d been just a minute quicker… I’d be dead and we wouldn’t be having this conversation and mike would have really hurt her.” He whispered, burying his head in his knees.

“And Louis would have run off and did more drugs and probably died and…” He took a deep breath.

“We would have imploded if I killed myself. “ He whispered

“Like the butterfly effect.” I added and he nodded with a laugh.

“Or Donnie Darko… but not quite as strange.” He said and I raised my eyebrow.

“I don’t get that movie.” I said and he shook his head.

“Neither do I.” He laughed, leaning his head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry Mike hurt you.” He whispered seriously and I blew out a breath.

“I’m sorry that prick was your brother and I’m sorry I blamed him raping me on you.” I said and he shrugged.

“I guess that the last time was kind of my fault.”

“No Harry, all of this was Mike’s fault. He’s the one who raped me. He’s the one who took advantage of two kids. That had nothing to do with you.” I said firmly and he nodded.

“We’re going to be okay, one day.” I whispered and he nodded again. He began to drop into sleep and I stared out into the darkness of my room.

One day I’d be okay.


	62. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for severe withdrawals, self-harm, suggestive and abusive language and rape.

Louis

Harry left and I stared at the darkness. I could have gotten up and left… but I didn’t. Instead, I wanted to lay here. I didn’t need it.

I didn’t need it.

I closed my eyes, intent on sleeping when I realized I couldn’t. It was strange, my limbs were heavy and painful, and yet I was left to lay there and stare at the dark ceiling.

_What if Harry leaves you, permanently?_

The question niggled its way into my brain and I shook it out of my head.

_He’s going to leave you like everyone else has, Daniel, Mark, Mitchell, Erik, Troy… Everyone leaves you because you’re a dirty slut and Harry’s no different. You’ll be alone again._

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the thudding of my heart.

_Alone_

I didn’t want to be alone.

I couldn’t stop myself from hyperventilating until I was spiraling headlong into a panic attack.

“Louis?” I heard Harry ask and I shook my head, pulling at my hair.

They were going to abandon me.

“Louis, louis calm down. I’m here. Please, take a deep breath.” Harry said next to me and I felt myself choking for air.

“Stop, please Louis.” He whispered, petting my hair and I clung to him.

“Don’t leave me.” I whimpered and he nodded, holding me close to him.

“I won’t leave you. I promise.” He said but I could hear the voice in the back of my head.

_It’s only a matter of time._

My stomach tied itself in knots and I groaned, leaning over the side of my bed.

It’d been 3 days since I’d had a hit. Everything felt like it was trying to rearrange itself.

“Louis, I brought some soup alright? Zayn said that’d be good for you.” Harry whispered and I knocked it out of his hands.

“I don’t want any fucking soup.” I yelled before gagging.

Nothing came out, but it sent rippling spasms through my limbs.

“Louis you have to fucking eat!” Harry yelled and I shook my head.

“No! I need, I need it Harry. Just a little taste. I’m feel like I’m dying.” I groaned and he flopped onto the bed.

“No! you need to stay here. You’re getting better.” He said and I shook my head as spasms ripped through me. I clenched my teeth.

“Please Harry! It hurts. It fucking hurts. Why are you doing this to me?” I gritted out.

“Because, I haven’t known you long enough to lose you.” Harry whispered.

 

The worse of the withdrawals began the next day.

 

“Harry please. I’m fucking dying. I need it!” I yelled and he shook his head.

“No Louis.” He said, his resolve just as tough as it’d been day one, yet, his voice wavered.

“Please Harry! I'll suck your dick. It’ll be so good Daddy I swear. I just need a little, just a little bit to settle my nerves. Please I just need some!” I bargained and he blushed but shook his head again.

“No.” He said and I groaned as a spasm rocked through me, upheaving my guts. I threw up in the bucket beside of the bed, my sweaty palms slicking up the sides.

Harry wiped my face when I was done, sweeping my matted and tangled hair out of my face.

“I hate you.” I groaned and he swallowed.

“No you don’t.” He said resolutely.

“No. I fucking hate you. I hope you die! In fact, kill yourself, no one will miss you.” I yelled and he closed his eyes, his hands tucked around himself furiously tight.

“You’re only saying this because you’re in pain.” He whispered to himself.

Just then chills overtook me. I shook violently, my teeth chattering uncontrollably.

“Harry, why are you doing this to me?” I whimpered and he covered his ears, sliding down beside the bed.

“Harry please, it hurts. It hurts.” I whimpered, my voice cracking with tears and he just leaned his head back against the bed.

_“You promised! You promised you wouldn’t leave me.” I whined and he clenched his teeth._

_“You were a good fuck kid. But I can’t…”  
“Please Daddy! I'll do anything. Just don’t leave me.”_

_“Shit louis… don’t do this.” He said and I grabbed him around the waist._

_“Please… Please.” I whined and he pulled me off._

_“You’re begging for it, you’ll do anything to keep Daddy’s dick huh?” He said, pulling his belt off and I nodded._

_He’d stay._

_“You’re normally such a good girl, but not today.” He said, pulling his pants down and getting on the bed._

_“Maybe if you’re good enough, I'll stay.” He said._

_“I'll be so good. So good.” I whispered and he slapped me._

_“You don’t get to talk, bad girls don’t talk.” He said, getting rougher with me than I’d ever seen._

_He entered me without warning and I groaned._

_He left me bleeding in the middle of my bed, all of our money gone._

_I wasn’t good enough._

_I heard the door open later on._

_“Louis? Why is the front door unlocked? Where is Mitchell?” I heard my mother call until she made her way to my bedroom._

_“What did you do?” She asked as she looked down at my bleeding body and I just stared at the ceiling._

_I wasn’t good enough._

 

I opened my eyes to find I was alone. I scrubbed my face, knowing I probably smelled like death. I went to shower, stretching my sore muscles and cleaning the dried sweat and vomit remnants off of me before drying off and grabbing some clothes out of the closet in my room.

“Lou?” Zayn asked as I walked into the kitchen and I looked up at him.

“Morning.” I said and he laughed.

“what?” I asked.

“It’s 4 in the afternoon.” He said and Harry turned to face me.

“You look better.” He whispered and looked at him. He had bruises under his eyes and he was wearing one of Liam’s long sleeved shirts. It swamped his frame, and he pulled at the sleeves constantly.

“Just wait until you see me in a skirt.” I said cheekily before my stomach growled. Zayn laughed but sat some food in front of me.

“Harry made it. Turns out he’s a great cook.” Zayn said and I smiled at Harry before digging in.

“It’s good. Real good.” I said around the spaghetti plate and Harry blushed.

“It’s nothing.” He said, tugging his sweater sleeves over his hands.

I finished eating and nodded towards Harry.

“Come upstairs with me?” I asked and he nodded.

“Louis…” Zayn warned and I rolled my eyes.

“I didn’t mean anything like that. And even if I did, it’s not your business. The age difference is the same as between you and Liam.” I said before going upstairs.

“I don’t really care that you’re that much older than me. My mother’s older than Robin, and they work.” He said and I nodded.

“Can I see your wrist?” I asked and he put his hands behind his back not so subtlely

“Why?” He asked and I sighed.

“I said something really shitty and I have a sneaky suspicion that it got to you.” I said softly.

“It’s not a big deal. You didn’t mean it. You were only hurting and wanted someone else to hurt.” He said and I cocked my head at him.

“Happens to you a lot? People take their problems out on you because you’re there, and you’re the one left hurt? I know the feeling. I don’t want to be the one who does that to you. Because even after all that, I still want to go out there and get high as a kite to escape these thoughts in my head…. So yeah, I get it. So please, let me see.” I said and he held his wrist up, and I pulled back the sweater.

I immediately noticed the scars that ran along his wrists, some so faint that they were barely silver and others that stood out with black lines. One ran from the pit of his elbow to the inside of his wrists. That scar was white now, but stood out. On top of that were three lines that intersected the scar. They looked like they were hastily made and I looked up at him.

“I did that?” I asked and he nodded, his eyes closed as tears fell down his face.

“But it’s not your fault. Sometimes things get a little mad in here and everything just gets so intense. I wasn’t in a good headspace before I got here, and I just imploded…” He tried to explain and I shook my head.

I took off my shirt and turned my wrists up to him.

They were scarred from the attempts of finding a vein and just generally misuse.

“No more dope.” I said and he chuckled at the 70’s lingo.

“and no more self-harm.” I said and he nodded, his laughter died out.

“You’re addiction is just as bad as mine.” I said and he nodded.

I wiped the tears off his face and he smiled.

“Can I kiss you?” Harry asked and I swallowed.

“Are you sure you want to?” I asked and he nodded.

“Then, yes.” I said and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine.

It was my first non-forced kiss.

It was nice.


	63. Liam

Liam

“What did you do Liam?” Zayn asked and I shook my head as I tossed beer bottles into the garbage.

“Don’t worry about it Zayn.” I whispered and he sighed, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Why not?” He asked softly.

“Because, if anything happens, I don’t want you implicated. So leave it alone.” I said forcefully and he flinched. I grabbed his face in my hands.

“Don’t do that. Please.” I said and he looked down.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He said softly and I lifted his face.

“Don’t say sorry. I’m trying really hard. I don’t want you blaming yourself. You blame yourself and it makes it alright for me to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.” I said, more to myself than to him.

I was trying my hardest not to hurt Zayn. Not since he came back.

Although the big bruise I left on his face from a couple nights ago wasn’t helping. 

“Have I apologized about your face?” I whispered.

“Only about one hundred times. I told you it was okay.”

“Not okay.” I grit through my teeth.

“I told you I forgive you.” He corrected and I shook my head.

“You forgive me far too easily.” I said, letting go of his face.

“You don’t forgive yourself enough.” He said before going to the counter, he anxiously wiped it down.   
“Can you tell me one thing?” He asked.

“Sure.” I said, pulling the string on the trash bag.

“Did he suffer?” Zayn asked.

“Yes.” I said simply before taking the heavy bag outside.

I came back in the house to see Zayn just gripping the counter. He took a deep breath before turning towards me.

“Harry and Louis are upstairs.” He said, crossing his arms.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“I think they like each other.” He said and I nodded.

“Good, at least Louis isn’t getting himself in trouble with his mom’s boyfriends again.” I said, going to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

No more alcohol.

“Niall and Ashley are together, alone.” He whispered and I choked on the water.

“So?” I spat out once I finished choking.

“Do you think, that maybe…. I don’t know. Should I be worried?” He asked, his voice small.

“Why would you worry about that Zayn?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I’ve heard that kids that have been abused… are more likely to…. Perpetrate abuse.” Zayn said, fumbling for words.

“Not Niall. He wouldn’t do that. Especially not to that little girl. No matter how mad he is about that prick hurting him, he wouldn’t take it out on her.” I said before taking another swig of water.

The doorbell rang and I heard Harry fumbled down the stairs.

“I’ll get it!” He yelled and Zayn turned away, effectively ending the conversation.

 


	64. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! These last couple of weeks have been rough for me technology-wise, but now i'm back, hopefully i won't have these problems again.  
> Triggers for somewhat graphic description of a photograph.  
> This is also a long one, the rest won't be this long.

Harry

I leaned against Louis’ side as he drew patterns against my hands.

“Such big hands for such a little lad.” He whispered and I blushed, ducking my head into his chest.

“’m not that big.” I whispered into his shirt and he I could feel his chest vibrate with laughter.

“But you’re that little.” He said with a sigh.

“I’m not that little.” I said, looking up at him and he raised his eyebrow.

“Well then, what are you?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I don’t know.” I whispered and my phone vibrated on the bare bedside table.  
“Your phone.” Louis gestured and I leaned up to grab it.

What if it was Mike?

I don’t think I would be able to answer it if it were Mike.

Gemma’s face, painted like a cat for Halloween, flashed on the screen and I answered it. I laid back in Louis’ arms.

“Hello?” I asked timidly.

“Hello? Oh thank God. Where are you, knucklehead?” She breathed into the phone.

I leaned away from Louis’ arms.

“What’s that matter?” I asked.

“The house is trashed, and I couldn’t find you or Ashley and Mike. Mike’s not answering his phone. I was worried sick.” She said and I swallowed.

I wonder if Liam killed him.

“I’m at Niall’s house.” I answered.

“Niall? Who’s Niall?” She asked.

Gemma hasn’t been home in so long.

“He’s my friend. “ I said before telling her the address.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She said and before I could protest she hung up on me.

I hopped off the bed and Louis leaned up.

“What’s wrong Harry?” He asked and I shimmied into my sweater.

“Gemma’s coming.” I said and he raised his eyebrow.

“Gemma?” He asked.

“She’s my oldest sister.” I said, stepping into my shoes.

“Why are you being so antsy?” He asked, grabbing my hand.

“It’s just…. She hasn’t been home since my stint in the hospital. She hasn’t really kept in touch and she doesn’t know.” I whispered.

“Know about what?” He asked.

“She doesn’t know what happened to Ashley, or that I’m… gay.” I whispered and the doorbell rang.

That had to be her.

“I’ll get it.” I yelled, running down the stairs.

“Hey Gemma.” I said, flinging opened the door.

“I’m so glad to see you’re alright.” She said, throwing her arms around me.

“It’s good to see you too.” I said softly.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and I closed my eyes, praying it wasn’t Louis.

“Gemma!” I heard Ashley yell and Gemma let me go to hug her.

“What are you doing here? I figured you’d be with Mike.” She said and I could feel Niall still behind me.

“Who’s at the door?” I heard Liam yell and he came in, holding a bottle of water.

“What the fuck Harry!” She yelled, pushing Ashley behind her.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“What are you doing here? What did you do to my little sister? Ashley, he didn’t touch you, did he?” She asked and Ashley shook her head.

“How could you bring her here Harry? Are you nuts?” She said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Liam likes touching little kids. Isn’t that right, Payne.” She said and Liam’s fist clenched.

“I don’t touch little kids.” He said through his teeth.

“Yeah, not anymore.”  She spat out.

“Gemma, he has a boyf-” Zayn walked into the room.

“Well isn’t he a little old?” She asked and he blew out a breath.

“Don’t act like you didn’t have your problems, Gemma.” He said.

“How do you know each other?” I asked and she gritted her teeth.

“We went to the same high school. He was a year ahead of me.” She said before clutching Ashley’s hand.

“We’re going home.” She said and Liam shook his head.

“Your parents aren’t home. It isn’t safe.” He said and Gemma scoffed.

“Anywhere is safer than here.” She said and he bit the inside of his mouth.

“Well, while you were off avoiding home, Mike was the one touching your little sister, and raping Niall too.” He said with venom and she shook her head.

“Mike wouldn’t do that. He’s not like you. Why didn’t you go to Nick’s house? Why did you bring her here?” She asked as Louis came downstairs.

“Nick who?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Grimshaw… He’s my neighbor. I couldn’t go back over there Gemma.” I said and she tugged on my hand.

“Come on, let’s go.” She said pulling me to her car.  
“How could you be so irresponsible. How could you take her there?” She asked and I looked down at my hands.

“I needed to get her safe.” I whispered.

“Safe from what?” She asked.

“From Mike.” I whispered and she slammed on the brakes.

“Don’t say that Harry. I don’t know what they did to brainwash you, but Mike wouldn’t hurt her like that. He just wouldn’t.” She said and I shook my head.

I wanted to scream at her. Tell her to look at Niall, look at Ashley.

She hadn’t been home. She left me here to defend for myself, to take care of Ashley. I shouldn’t have had to be the one to find out, I shouldn’t be the only one who could save her. Gemma should have come home.

She abandoned us.

She resumed driving and we returned to our house.

It felt empty with just us.

There was blood on the bottom of the stairwell.

Liam did a number on him.

She climbed the stairs, and I followed her up, Ashley hugged to my chest.

Mike’s door was opened, which was unusual.

I stepped in and Gemma stopped, coming in behind me.

There were pictures shrewn across the room.

He must have been looking at them before he left.

“What the hell- oh my god.” Gemma dropped it quickly, backing out of the room.

They were pictures of Ashley.

She was naked in some, others in half dress.

She was sleeping while his thumb was holding her mouth opened, while her panties were around her ankles.

“God no. that fucking prick!” She swore and I grabbed Ashley, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her out of the room before she could see what Mike had done to her.

Maybe now Gemma believed us.

 

I was finally done with scrubbing the blood stains out of the carpet when my parents pulled up.

“Mom? Dad?” I whispered and my mom furrowed her eyebrows.

“What’s going on Harry? You’re not here by yourself are you?” She asked and I shook my head.

“No, Gemma and Ashley are home.” I whispered.

“Where’s Mike?” She asked and I shrugged.

For all I knew he was at the bottom of the lake by now.

“I don’t think he’s coming back.” I said softly and my mom put her luggage in the closet.

“What do you mean Harry?” Robin asked.

“A lot has happened since you’ve been gone.” I said and Robin sat down on the couch.

 

“Have you called the police?” My mom asked and I shook my head.

Ashley was upstairs sleeping with Gemma.

“I didn’t know what to do.” I whispered and Robin picked up the phone.

He walked into the kitchen and I could hear him talking to the police.

“I can’t believe I left you two with him. How did I not know?” She muttered, her head falling into her hands.  
“When I found out, we didn’t stay here.” I whispered and she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Did you stay with Nick? Why didn’t he call me?” She asked and I shook my head.

“No, we didn’t stay at Nick’s. I stopped going over there. I stayed at Niall’s house… with my boyfriend, Louis.” I whispered, my eyes closed.

“Boyfriend?” She said softly and I nodded.

“Okay, well. I want to meet him.” She said and I opened my eyes.

“You do?” I asked and she put her hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t care if you like other boys Harry. Is that what you’ve been hiding from me all this time?” She asked and I just shrugged.

“You know that I love you right? You liking other boys would never make me love you any less.” She whispered.

“But Mike said that I was better off dead. He said the reason that you and Robin are never home is because I’m a clawing needy parasite. He threatened to tell you that I was gay, he told me you wished I had killed myself.” I whimpered, my eyes misting up.

“Harry, look at me.” She said, wrapping her arms completely around me. I laid my head on her chest and looked up at her. I felt like a baby.

“What Mike did to that boy, and Ashley was wrong and he should be ashamed of himself. But you, my dear, have nothing to be ashamed of. We love you, we really do, and I don’t ever want you to think that we’d be happier if you had succumbed to your disease. Just because you are depressed, it doesn’t mean you’re clawing. I don’t quite understand what it’s like, but I do know that I want you to get better. I never want you to leave me, and Darling, trust me, you being gay would never make me hate you. I promise.” She said, hugging me and I felt myself start to cry against her chest.

“We’re going to get you some therapy alright? And we’re going to be around more. I don’t want you to feel alone anymore. I also want you to bring your boyfriend home, I want to meet him.” She said, running her hands through my hair and I took my glasses off to press my face into her shirt even more.

I felt so loved.


	65. Louis

Louis

My blood ran cold as I realized that Nick Grimshaw was the man who was watching Harry.

Harry was there a lot.

He was the boy that Grimshaw turned me down for.

Grimshaw was courting Harry just like he was courting me.

I retreated into my room with a soft wave as Harry walked out of the room.

I sat on the bed, my hands trembling against my lap.

I stood up and paced the room, humming some mundane song to myself.

I sat back down, my fingers scratching against the comforter.

_It doesn’t mean the same thing Louis._

I chanted to myself.

I had to believe it.

I didn’t believe it.

_“Louis, that dude is like seriously checking you out.” Stan said and I threw a fry at him._

_“shut up.” I said, digging my cleats into the asphalt of the mall. We’d gone out to celebrate our win._

_“I’m dead serious, Louis. He looks like he’s fucking 87.” He said and I turned back to look at him._

_He was younger, he looked to be around twenty one, easy booze money._

_“He’s not that old, and he’s kind of cute, don’t you think?” I said, waving at the guy._

_“Ew dude, no. Calm down Lolita.”_

_“You wouldn’t even understand that reference if it weren’t for me.” I said before tucking my hair behind my ear and crossing my legs._

_“Is he still lookng?” I asked and Stan nodded._

_“Good, I’m going to get me a sugar daddy.” I said, picking up my coke bottle._

I found myself tearing at my mattress before flipping it over. I found what I was looking for.   
A small baggie that would definitely help me forget.

Just one little hit, and then I’d be okay, and I wouldn’t do it again.

I set up my rig and pushed the plunger down.

Heat filled my belly.

_“Come on Lou, don’t you trust me?” Nick asked softly, his hands running up and down my arms softly._

_“I’m afraid of needles.” I whimpered and he kissed my ear._

_“Would I ever lie to you, huh? Would I ever make you do something that I thought would hurt you?” He asked and I shook my head._

_“You know how coke makes you feel?” He asked and I nodded._

_“Like my hearts gonna explode.” I whispered and I could feel him nod against the back of my head._

_“Yeah, well this…. This is way better. This is like swimming in a field of poppies. It’s like, you have a sun in your belly.” He said, his hands coming to rest on my stomach._

_“It’s like there is nothing bad in the world, and all you want to do is just lay there and breathe in the best feeling in the world.” He whispered and I looked up at him._

_“Really?” I breathed._

_“It’s going to change your world, baby.” He whispered before pulling my chin over to kiss me. Vaguely, I felt the needle break skin. But with the feeling of heat rushing to my tummy and Nick gripping me tight, I hardly felt it._

_I was flying._

The door opened and I felt as if everything dropped.

“Louis, Harry wants to talk to y- shit.” Zayn swore and I blinked my eyes tiredly.

The sun was fading away.

It needed to come back.

“He’s not available at the moment Harry. I’ll have him call back as soon as possible.” Zayn said before ending the call.

“What the fuck are you doing Louis?” He asked and I shook my head.

“I just wanted the sunshine to come back.” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“Shit Louis. Do you not remember? You almost died? You almost fucking died. I could have lost my best friend and you have the nerve to do this to me?” He hissed as he took the tourniquet off of my arm.

“I just… I needed it.” I whimpered and he shook his head, his own eyes swimming in tears.

“Imagine if Harry saw this. This would break him and you know it. Forget we’ve been best friends for three years, forget that. What about that poor boy who looks at you like you fucking hung the moon? That poor boy who is a fucking second away from ending it all. He trusts you not to do this anymore.” Zayn said and I could feel all of it dissipating, leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth and a dank feeling in my tummy.

“Grimshaw, he was going to get to Harry, like he got to me.” I whispered.

“But he didn’t, you fucking idiot. He didn’t. You have to stop this. You have to quit. I’m not watching you bleed out on my bathroom floor Louis. I swear to God, I won’t do it.” He said and I nodded, tears slipping down my face as gravity set in my bones.

I was right here in the moment.

I’d have to get use to that.


	66. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it you guys, the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the last chapter. I just want to say thank you so much for your support. I appreciate everyone who has stuck with this story and made this possible. This has been almost two years in the making and i am so glad to be able to present this to you guys. Sorry it's so short, but that's just the way it happened.

Zayn

September 13

“Alright, come on you guys.” I said, as I placed one last candle in the cake.

Niall sat down at the table, a birthday hat sitting slightly askew against his mostly lavender hair.

Ashley stood beside of him, a couple of streaks of her hair the same color.

“Louis, please, put the camera down on the counter, Harry put him down.” I scolded and Liam wrapped his arm around my waist.

“Zayn, if you could stop talking, maybe Niall could blow out his candles.” He said with a smile and I nudged him with my shoulder.

“Alright birthday boy. Make a wish.” I said and Niall closed his eyes.

I looked around the room, appreciating just how different things were.

Louis’s arms were still scarred, but they were clean.

Harry was wearing a short sleeved shirt, bracelets covering his wrists. He was steadily growing, almost as tall as Liam. He hadn’t cut himself in nine months. He still had his bad days, as I’d heard from Louis, but he was still in therapy and getting better each day.

I hadn’t burned in three months, and my last bruise was fading quickly with Liam’s whispered apologies every time he looked at me.

Liam hadn’t had a drink since November.

Niall blew out his candles, a wide grin on his face and looked up at me.

Everyone cheered and I handed him the knife.

“What’s your wish?” Louis yelled from his position of sitting on the counter, Harry leaning in between his legs.

“I can’t tell you, or it won’t come true.” He said and Ashley tugged on his sleeve.

“Yeah?” He asked and she smeared cake on his face.

“You traitor!” He yelled before smearing cake in her hair.

The nice neat party turned into a full out war as everyone tried to get cake on each other.

Liam smeared cake across my lips before kissing me softly.

“I’m so lucky to have you.” He whispered and I nodded.

“I’m so lucky to have you too.” I said softly, leaning my head against his forehead.

“Here’s to a better year.” He whispered and I nodded.

“Here’s to fifteen.” Niall said leaning his head against my back.

“Here’s to staying in the sun.” Harry chimed in.

“Here’s to living in the present.” Louis said behind him.

I closed my eyes as I let everything sink in.

We were broken and complacent. We’d been searching for something we didn’t even know for so long. We’d been dragged through the ringer a millions times, only to get up and have dirt shoved in our faces. We all had a million reasons to give up.

But we all found 5 reasons not to.

We still had a long way to go to right our wrongs.

We were misfits, but we found somewhere we could all belong.

We found family.

The End


End file.
